How long is too long for a baby to cry?

This is probably harder for me than it is for him because I'm biologically wired to respond to his cries! This sucks.

Everyone is different and has different opinions but. Let him cry for 2 minutes then go get him. Then 4 then 6 then 8. Etccc Push the time up every time. Like slowly getting used to not being in mommy’s arms. It worked for my son. And this also worked for my daughter for bedtime. I check her every few minutes instead of staying in her room. I learned from my kids, Easing Them into things is a lot easier then just cold turkey.

I did 30 min intervals every 3 hours. So I only held my kids when I fed them, then once they’re burped and okay then go straight to supervised tummy time depending on how young. Then at nights I’ll rock and hold them for an hour or till they’re asleep just for my sake because I have separation anxiety with my kids. You can put on nature or rain sounds to calm them down during this time. My kids like watching animal documentaries because the big fast animals caught their eye lol. You can give those plushies they hold with their hands that’s meant for comfort. And of course be sure to check on him periodically or you could even have him in his bassinet or something and bring him where ever you go so he can see you and vice versa.

Personally, no time is ok. Fussing is one thing, crying is another. Crying is literally the only way they have to tell you that they need you. Why even be a parent if you're going to ignore that. You have the instinct to go help them for a reason.

@Tiffany Such an ignorant comment lol. Pediatricians even tell you if they’re fed, clothed, changed, and in a safe environment it’s advised to allow them to cry in order to strengthen their lungs and gain independence. As they get older the wait time increases. It’s our instinct to make sure our children are safe and healthy.

Weaning off the boob? I am right now 🥲

Crying is a line I personally don’t cross. They don’t have any other form of communication and if we ignore their only voice, what does that teach them? If we always respond? It teaches them we’re always there for them, which we are. I don’t tolerate crying in my house. Fussing yes I have to because I also have a toddler to tend to. Crying is first priority. There’s a reason why it hurts your moma heart so damn bad to listen to it. It’s instinct to react and pick up your babe.

@Eviee not all peds give smart advice. Lung strength?! That’s insane. It’s causing mental anguish. There was a babe in the states who died, mom let him CIO for two hours. Got a nose bleed and choked to death on his own blood while she sat on the other side of the babies bedroom door. All due to advice from a stupid doctor.

@Stacie Crying and screaming their heads off are two different things. Also no one here recommended she let her baby cry or scream their heads off for 2 hours that’s ridiculous. You can literally go on the American medical websites and read their books and you will get the same advice. As well as speaking with a pediatrician. Stop sharing your false opinions because you feel like everyone should be all over their babies/children every second of their lives.

@Eviee yeah those associations have no cred as far as I’m concerned. Especially when advice goes against biology. Crying has a visceral response in mothers for a reason, it’s not to be ignored for trivial “expert” reasons. She’s asking how long is too long because the process is arduous, because it’s painful! It’s ridiculously hard on Mother’s yet they’re told to push through and just keep going. It’s dumb.

@Stacie Yeh they actually do. Just because your feel like they don’t doesn’t mean your opinions are fact.

@Stacie Fact is a fact. It’s that simple.

@Stacie Mothers respond to certain cries our babies make. Not every cry is the same and has different meanings.

@Eviee so why are we outsourcing all of our intelligence To these massive agencies? How the hell did we ever raise our young all these generations before these agencies came to be! God it is a wonder. Facts change, as new research emerges. Nothin they say is concrete. Advice they give today isn’t the same as 40 years back. I do not co-parent with the government or these agencies. But hey you do you.

@Stacie You must be ignorant to the history of how children were raised back then. You have a good day lol.

@Eviee did you know American babies cry the most, when looking at babies globally? In the west we habitually and proudly ignore and force independence on our infants whereas the rest of the world does the complete opposite and has for centuries? The way of the west is not always the best. Hmm chances are I have done more research than thee, so ok.

@Stacie Congratulations.

In our home, we’ve never left my babies to cry unless I needed a quick break to recentre myself or dealing with my toddler who is autistic. I can’t listen to my children calling for me and telling me that something is wrong and ignore that cry. There is so much advice out there on this subject, but I would rather ‘spoil’ them which I don’t believe you can than try to train them not to call for me. My house is not as organised as it used to be and I do very quick meals because I have less time for that stuff and more time for my kids.

I’d say about 5 minutes. I often have to wait to pick baby up until in done finishing whatever task I am doing. If I know they’re fed and changed then I’m not going to rush too much. They often stop crying and pass out. If not it’s ok… you’ll see they’re perfectly fine as soon as you pick them up. I’m speaking about my 2m old. Idk how old your baby is. The older the longer they can cry.

It's ok if you can't always respond right away (You have other kids! You're busy!), but waiting a certain amount of time will just train him to cry longer, which is not something you want, especially if you want him to sleep through the night. Babies cry because they have a need, not to bug you. The crying will continue as long as you let it, until the need is met. Fulfill their needs when you reasonably can, and it will be easier on both of you. Try wearing baby sometimes, or getting a hip seat. Even if you change nothing on your end, a lot will still change because *he* is changing. He's growing up and becoming more independent every day. For now, love that baby in your arms. In just a moment, he'll be telling you not to hug him or say I love you too loud. 😭

Just came here to say crying doesn’t strengthen lungs, that’s a myth.

@Eviee my pediatricians office says different. They say if your having a hard time, you can for safety for a short time while you step away for a few minutes, but not as a planned thing.

@Lisa 1000% this.

How old?

I would always pick up my crying baby as soon as possible. Of course if I have to nip to the loo or finish washing a few dishes or im attending to another child then she may have to wait a minute or two but as others have said crying is communication so personally I always respond promptly. Babies want to be with their mothers, they are solely reliant on us. You won’t create bad habits by responding to his crying. They go through so much in that first year, teething, seperation anxiety, learn a whole load of skills etc so whilst he settles when he gets to you it might not be that he’s just crying for you he may be crying for you because he’s in discomfort physically or emotionally and your his safety so he settles when close. I do totally understand we have to get on and do things, have you tried popping him in a high chair next to you etc whilst you do stuff? X

It depends alot on the age and if is whining or actually crying

It depends of his age… like before 3-4 months crying is for necessary stuff, comfort is really important. Then after 4 months the baby is learning how you are responding to his reactions… And for our sanity yes sometimes we have to let him cry a bit because he has to learn that you can’t respond like that now. Me when he starts crying when I am not longer holding him I try to take his attention on other things, like I shake a toy, I do kiss kiss with his plush toys , I do pickaboo (he loves it) … just try to find some ways to distract him quickly when he leaves your arms, and do it gradually : like 1 min crying, then take him back and then try again 2min …

I just don’t let mine cry. It promotes a better attachment and self-esteem. Babies need to be held

@Tiffany so what's the difference between fussing and crying? There's a certain threshold I won't cross but I don't know how a baby would fuss without crying...?

@Bonny, this makes the most sense out of all these replies! What sucks the most is that my husband is the one who's impatient (naturally). I personally think it's harder on me than on him (hubby), but I'm willing to endure the discomfort for the benefit of my baby. I have never read a comprehensive manual on the subject, so I tend to follow my gut. And my gut tells me not to rush. I just wish my husband would be more stoic about the sacrifices!

@Dana Lew 6 months Dec 22

It’s never okay to let your baby cry

My first born was so easy, hence why we jumped in so quickly for a second. She was content anywhere she was. Swing, highchair, walker, crawling, crib, boppy. My second wanted to be held 24/7 and also was such a large baby, then needed a helmet that it was exhausting holding him. I wore him as much as I could but my back could only last for so long. Now that they are older and their personalities are clear, if I could go back and hold more space and patience to my second child, I would 🥹 he thrives off physical contact. He loves being held, hugs, snuggles. No wonder he wanted it so much as a baby. He lives for it. Not to discredit a Mama needing to get things done or wants a break. However perhaps the baby who has all their needs met except wanting more holding time, I would honor it ❤️

@Vanessa oh he's a literal baby so absolutely never. I mean if I really needed to use the bathroom & had to put them down then that's one thing. But a 6 month old is not developmentally capable of emotional regulation. Infants and young children need co-regulation. The ability to self-regulate doesn't happen until 3-5.

@Alice said the mother of one barely 1 year old child. If/when you have more, your view will change.

@Dana Lew that's what my gut tells me. Again, it's my husband's idea to let him cry it out. I don't want to.

@Vanessa my son is 18mo and no my view will never change.

@Eviee “strengthen their lungs and gain independence”?! Girl, what. These are INFANTS. They are, by definition, dependent.

Your baby needs you. They cry when they have needs and even closeness/affection is an actual need. Maybe try baby wearing or a new carrier or something that will allow you to hold baby close without going crazy. My daughter is 17 months and still asks to be held sooooooo much of the day. Usually I get nothing done 🙃 It’s an honor to be this safe space for her - she won’t be this little forever 🫶

@Lauren 💫 Girl this was hours ago go try and be relevant elsewhere. If the poster wants me to elaborate I surely will. You can go about your day goofy.

@Eviee please do not elaborate on anything else 😅 I hope you have a better day! 💕

@Lauren 💫 Oh my day has been fabulous thank you love 😊😊💜

@Eviee you seem to be picking fights, why so bitter and snarky? We're all adults, we're here for the same reason, let's try to get along.

@Lauren 💫 i appreciate your comment (whenever it may come). My baby carrier has so many miles on it, he's attached to me 95% of the day, if I was exaggerating I wouldn't be questioning if this is normal. I'm just so tired. And now I'm isolated at home with no car and snow storms (so no walking to the park). The walls are getting closer and I just want to have my arms and body free without the noise and the guilt!