Worried about MIL..

So I know I’m probably jumping the gun as I’ve not even had my baby yet! But as it grows closer I’m just so anxious about issues developing with my MIL. We get along but she has made a few comments over the last 6 months which make me wonder if she has a problem with me. Anyway, her daughter has two young kids (4 & 2) who she looks after a couple of times per week. I’ve already heard from my SIL that my MIL doesn’t follow her rules whilst watching the kids, and just does what she thinks is best (for example not sticking to the nap schedule or what they’re supposed to be eating). I’m worried that this will be the case with our child, but also how would I know whether she’s following our rules or not (unless she openly admitted she wasn’t). Also, I’ve been witness to some things she says to the kids that I don’t agree with. I didn’t really give it much thought before being pregnant as it’s not my place, but now I’m concerned. For example, one of the kids had hit the other, and she said to the other child ‘when he does that, you need to hit him back’. I 100000% do not agree with this and would never want her telling my child to hit another. But again, how would I know she is saying this whilst watching him if I’m not there? It makes me not want to ever have her babysit. If the kids are crying, she often says to them ‘oh shut up, you’re fine’. Again, I don’t like this, as I’m very soft (like my mum and sis) and would always go and cuddle and comfort. I wouldn’t want her being this way with my child. Also (sorry for the essay), the other day she was saying how she’s a firm believer in self-soothing and thinks you should let a baby cry so that they settle themselves. No judgement on those who practice this method, but personally it’s not for me! All of these things make me feel like I’ll never want her to babysit (overnight especially), but 100000% that would cause drama, as I think she’s expecting regular babysitting days, like with her other grandchildren. Any advice? Or am I worrying about nothing? X

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If she doesn’t follow your rules she shouldn’t look after your children, no one is entitled to looking after other peoples children

I think the most important thing is that your husband and you are on the same page. That’s HIS mother so HE needs to put the boundaries in place, not you or else you’re gonna look like the bad guy. Also thats your sil’s mother as well so even if she puts her boundaries she’ll never be the bad guy because that’s her child. I feel like there’s a different dynamic between sons and daughters. I feel like daughters are more forgiving over stuff like this when it’s their parents but sons are more firm when it comes to this kind of thing. Hence why it has to come from your husband.

I think you should discuss these concerns with her for sure. I personally though wouldn't feel comfortable with having mine with her given these concerns which are significant. Maybe the only time could be babysitting once baby/toddler is asleep for the night (once sleeping through reliably) if comfortable. Then technically they're in her care, but... not while awake so no impact r.e. following rules

@Umm Juwariyyah I agree for sure. I do feel he’s the one who should set the boundaries, but he’s super close with his mum and I don’t want him to think I’m picking at her. I will have a word with him about it though, thank you x

@Cara Well luckily I plan on exclusively breastfeeding, so assuming I am able to do so, that’s a legit excuse for not staying the night, or really more than a few hours (as we live an hour from her). Thank you for the advice :) x

No problem! I meant babysitting at yours while you are out for an evening :) obviously not while ebf still. Mine is just over 2 and no overnight stays yet with any grandparents/anyone else

Don’t let her have the baby at all, just because she has the others, doesn’t mean she will be having yours 🤷🏻‍♀️ if you know she oversteps now then you know she’ll only do it with yours too.

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