in March 2025 Babies 🇺🇸

Visitor Dilemma

We have waited 15 years for our miracle 🌈 baby, after a long fertility road we were successful via IVF. We have moved to a new state, away from family/support. As our due date approaches we are encountering a visitor issue…my mom and inlaws plan to be here for her birth (as everyone is very excited and has waited so long for her arrival). Our home here is much smaller here and we only have 1 spare bedroom. Alternatively we do have a large 5th wheel camper that could be set up at a very nice local campground. I feel it’s best my in laws stay in the camper and my mom stay at our home in case I need something (my mom is also more in tune with exactly how my husband and I roll, how we want to raise our daughter and the things we want and do not want). The issue is financially my in laws do not have the $ to spend on a camp site for X amount of days or weeks (however my mom does), my husband has mentioned paying for the campsite but I also do not feel that is in our best financial interest to be spending such a significant amount of $ when our income will be less than our standard during maternity leave. My in laws are also terrible planners (which is stressing me out, I’m a planner) and have mentioned an air mattress and just “staying like they did before”, which when we moved my mom and in laws all stayed in our home, but the room they slept in with the air mattress before is now the nursery. We will need this space once the baby is here and I’m kinda OCD about things being in place and such. What is a good way to approach the situation or ask if they can somehow make the camper situation work? We don’t want anyone to feel unwelcome, but I’m gonna need my Momma with me if y’all know what I mean?!? This Momma desperately needs advise for this situation 🙏

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Can you suggest they come at different times? You can say you’re so grateful for the visit and help and know how hard the newborn trenches will be so you would love to have visitors for more time rather than all the visitors at once?

I agree to suggest they come at different times. It will be overwhelming enough with your 1st as you and your husband try to figure out a good flow for how to maneuver the newborn stage/ your new life. Other suggestion would be to have them stay in a hotel if the campsite is too much? Many hotels offer a weekly or even monthly rate if you ask. Or park the camper on your driveway?

I should have clarified in the post….Sadly asking them to come at different times we feel is not a fair option and our driveway due too steep for the 5th wheel…drive is on the list for repair to accommodate visits in the future…just not in time for baby 😔

I would set the boundary of needing your mom, nursery available, etc. to your husband and have him talk to them about it/ask if they can financially make it work. If not, have him tell them they can stay a shorter time they can afford and/or come at a later date! Then it won’t feel unfair as you had mentioned, it’s just the boundary/whats available!

We did IVF and then moved to another state too, so I can sympathize with your dilemma. Our plan as it stands right now, is for the birth to be just me and my husband. Our mom’s will take turns coming to visit once we are discharged from the hospital so we can have some help for a little longer before I go back to work. I’m just not sure which mom will come first and I also don’t want either one to feel less than.

@MJ It’s not that we want to be by ourselves by any means right off the bat (after a week or so yes to figure out our daughter), just hormonally lately I have been overwhelmed and I just don’t want to set myself up for failure after she is born with having everyone here and not “in a space” if that makes sense? If we had an extra bedroom, it would be easier or if we could park our camper at our house it would be fine. We would all be together but not on top of each other.

Congratulations on your baby!! That’s a sticky situation! I’d reconsider just paying for the campsite. You’ve waited so long for this baby…you don’t want to be miserable with everyone crammed in your space while you try to bond with baby. It might not be ideal, but at least you’d have space and peace of mind

My father in law lives far away and he is visiting in April to give us a month to settle in and heal before dealing with visitors. Family should also be there to support you and your spouse, not just see the baby.

Oh man, family dynamics can be tough! I’m all for lovingly setting your boundaries for what is best for you and your husband, especially based on what you feel like you will need to have the least amount of stress to take care of yourself after giving birth and taking care of your baby. If your mom is the one you need during that time for those reasons, that’s ok!! It’s not about who’s allowed or not allowed to stay or see the baby or help or anything, it’s just about what you need to heal and adjust to things. I think talking to your husband about having a conversation just saying like “we are so excited for you guys to come and appreciate everything. my mom is staying with us to help with nights and adjusting to everything, we wish we had more space and could have everyone but we just cant. We have the camper, we just know it costs. Otherwise would you rather come another weekend? Let us know what you guys want to do or we can brainstorm some ideas.”

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