in Mom's going through divorce/separation/ breakups

Considering Divorce

Sometimes I wonder how I allowed my self to be with a man for over 12 years who’s been nothing but an asshole and alcoholic our entire time together. Now we have 3 kids and I’m just fed up with him. Every argument has slowly pushed me closer to finally sticking up for myself and divorce this man. He lies about his drinking problems and refuses to get help. In addition to his drinking he’s just an angry mean person sober. Just today I got screamed at because I work from home and he asked me to throw some chicken wings in the air fryer while he went to pick up our girls. So I did exactly that. Until he came home yelling at me about why I didn’t put the sauce on the wings and I said well you didn’t ask me to? Then proceeds to say If he wanted to put the sauce on the wings we would have done the whole fucking thing himself. Immediately after that he starts yelling at our 6 year old who then gets upset asking why he’s being mean and tells her to stop fucking acting like a baby. I whole heartedly regret marrying this man. One day I hope I have the courage to divorce him for the sake of my children and I. 💔

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I don't mean to put this on you, as it may make you feel worse, but I do think someone should say it. I'm from a family where the kids wished their parents got a divorce. You're saying 'I hope I some day have the courage to stand up for myself'. What you're allowing is child abuse. Your kids may hate you when they become adults, experience abusive relationships of their own and not understand how you didn't leave. I have a parent that didn't leave. To be honest they broke my heart as I got older and realised that they just didn't love us enough to stop it or leave, because it was easier for them. The older I get (I'm now mid-30s) to less sympathy I have and the more distant I am to both of them. Will your daughter grow up and hate you, not your husband, but you as you knew it was wrong and did nothing to save her.

I agree with @Stephanie it gets to a point you have to put your needs on the back burner and protect your kids. Kids remember who their parent (s) choose over their safety and well- being. And even if he never lays a hand on them… yelling from a man bigger than you is scary. I know first hand. And having to live in fear is something I would not wish on any child. And as someone who left my husband who was an abusive alcoholic… even though he was my last serious relationship 5 years ago since I left… I still am way better without him than with him… and my kids are so much better without him living with us. It does get better. You just have to want to do better for your kids.

Why stay? It's one thing to stay while he's actively addressing his issues and come out the other side better for it but if he doesn't take responsibility for his problems that are affecting you and the kids then he's not upholding his part of the marriage so what's the point. Eventually he'll cause you to lose your job and then you'll be in a worse situation. I tolerated a lot but drew a hard line when it started to affect the kids, but it wasn't until I couldn't work any more. Now I'm trying to figure it all out.

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