I need foreplay husband doesn’t care. Long post.

Pls no judgement. This was something that slowly happened over the course of having 3 kids in a short time frame so like most people we have our issues. He’s a great husband this is really our only lingering issue. I don’t like discussing sex it makes me uncomfortable I’m not freaky or anything I lost all of that with kids but I am making an effort now to get back in touch with all of that but it’s not working out I guess. I lost my drive my last 2 pregnancies. Took a toll on our relationship with my 2nd pregnancy, especially bc when I had the baby it took like months for it to barely start coming back and I ended up getting pregnant again with our 3rd just for it to vanish completely again. Now I am 9w PP and I actually have a drive. This is great bc I actually want my husband for once in idk how long. I think about sex and actually feel things like aroused you know, I feel *horny* sometimes. But see.. I think sex has been made to be about him so long that he forgot that I need things too. I’ve just gotten him off for the most part for like 2 years bc I feel bad and want him to feel good. Like it’s wrong to have my husband just never satisfied bc I don’t feel like it when I know the drive won’t be back for a while. So I’d give him head sometimes. I need him to play with me, touch me, go down on me etc. Like that’s all common knowledge right??? That’s what everyone does when they have sex bc women are different than men obviously and you can’t just penetrate me out of the blue bc you want to nut. Bc now I need to get off and he just does not care or even want to understand why I need these things. We have been down this road before in the past, I just can’t stand how defensive he gets and how lazy he is about this. Last night we were cuddling and I was scratching his back and he flips us over, pulls his stuff out, and start trying to just put it in. So cringe. I addressed it and he was like “why does it always have to be this whole ritual to have sex with you”. That was so rude and hurtful. I didn’t go off on him, bc I think it hurts his ego, he’s been rejected by me for so long he just wants me to want him bad enough that I don’t need all of that. I don’t know. I need ways to politely but assertively talk about this with him in a productive non condescending way without calling him selfish or lazy. I want him to want me to feel good. Told him I feel like sex has been about you for a long time and now I need you to focus on me a bit more. We lost our rhythm because I haven’t wanted to have sex for a long time. For reference, I am 25, he’s 28. We’re both good looking. I’m not overweight but I have mom bod. He claims to think I’m super hot and obsessed with me. Always groping me and stuff like that’s just a regular thing he does. The way he acts before sex is not the way he actually is with sex and it’s so off putting. Like he acts like he’d be this freaky over the top sex expert but then he just pulls his stuff out and want to f and that’s it. I have self esteem issues with my body obviously with the babies I’ve had and all of this makes me feel worse. I’ve read it all. “Try therapy”. Need money for that, and a willing partner. Going to therapy would admit there’s a problem and he would have to listen to himself be wrong. So he will never agree. We need to reconnect. And I’ve been trying to be different like more touchy and open to touch and his flirtiness. He will come on to me but it still doesn’t lead to the whole foreplay it’s so disappointing bc I’m not gonna get anything out of it so that is leading to me rejecting him now, not my lack of drive.

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Try texting each other first as a form of foreplay. That’s what we do. He usually takes a bath and we tell each or her stories about things we want to do to each other. He thinks it’s hot if I touch myself on the couch while we do and the thing he tells me he wants to do to me turn me on enough that usually once he comes out of the bath I don’t need a ton of foreplay. My guy doesn’t like going down with his mouth, never has, so I respect that but he will still kiss and touch and talk dirty. Maybe approach it in a way that you just want to spice things up to help you get your drive back. Don’t make it about him, men have very sensitive egos about sex and I’m sure all he hears is that you don’t want him even though that’s not what you’re saying.

I have the exact same problem with my partner. We are going on 10 years of being off and on. For the first 5 years our sex was the only GREAT thing we had going for us. He knew how to build me up and have fun sex that got me off. Then when I got pregnant it all went down hill. Feels like I’m begging him to have sex sometimes. I want to feel wanted back… but when he does agree it’s like he just meets me in the room he pulls down his pants and he wants to just fuck until he nuts. I’ve been vocal for a year now about needing foreplay in order to get off… he will even comment sometimes after sex that I was quiet and ask if I got an orgasm. I say no you once again didn’t give me foreplay or kiss me or even dirty talk me a bit. Nothing ever changes. And the one or two times he did “attempt” he just fingered me a bit but nothing about it was passionate or sexy. It felt forced. It’s sad because I think about our old sex all the time. It used to exist so why is it so dead now?

Sorry. I guess my comment didn’t help much, it was more to relate to your issue. All I can suggest is definitely be more vocal about it. Finding the right time and conversation to make your point across. Good luck !

I agree with Taylor with being ore vocal. Maybe he’ll eventually understand that women need a pleasure before u can stick it in right off the back. Need to get wet first or it’s not gonna feel good for either of y’all

@Aimee yeah my husband is grossed out by the thought of me touching myself. He thinks it’s gross if I masturbate. I really don’t know what’s wrong with him it’s almost like he should just be gay. We are Christian and having kids has changed us a lot but I really don’t know how I’m supposed to let loose in sex if he’s so lame about it. That’s true too. So sensitive it’s like I’m waking on eggshells. I don’t know a single person whose man doesn’t go down on them… I need that it’s like my #1 thing. How am I supposed to never orgasm when he gets to have one every single time.

@Taylor omg girl same exact thing!!!! He will eventually start going down again, we’ve been in this boat, but it ALWAYS feels forced and rushed. I’m tense bc it’ll feel good and then he starts *going faster and hafder* bc he thinks that’s gonna make me cum and eventually I’ve LOST my orgasm and just pretend I came bc it’s so annoying I’m just happy he tried. Feels all good about himself. But this time around, since we’re in another reset, I’m trying to be more vocal about him doing it RIGHT and also being more willing and passionate. Like I really want to enjoy it and not feel like I’m forcing him to give me those things. I see all these moms on here talk about their amazing freaky sex life and I’m just like oh hey. My husband is scared of pussy.

I have exactly the same issue with my partner. All of that. We had a great sex, 3-4 times a week. Now, nothing. I feel I am begging him for sex, tired of it. Same thing what @Taylor just mentioned. I am vocal about this, but seems like he is not taking that seriously.

I’m sorry y’all are dealing with the same thing but I’m glad it’s not just me. Things could be worse but I am just not willing to make this the norm again. He has always been the one wanting the sex… but the sex he wants to have is not suitable for me lol. I feel like I have to nip this in the bud now instead of allowing it to happen like the last time we addressed this issue. I just hate feeling like I’m forcing him to give me the same satisfaction he gets. Maybe it has something to do with watching 3 babies pop out of my vagina I don’t know. We are both very in a shell about sex and while I’m open to trying to be a bit more loose… he seems to think his dick should be the only thing I need to be satisfied.

https://a.co/d/hNCcKmU There’s a section on intimacy. You have to go into it as an exercise in getting closer overall in your relationship. Not an attack on one person or the other. It has lots of questions with clear explanations for how it can differ between partners and suggestions for how to talk through things to be there for each other.

@Julia thanks is it something you sit down and do all at once? Or is it something you do little by little

I’ve done 2-3 questions at a time. Only done the communication section but there is an intimacy section with a handful of questions. It’s actually doable to do for 15 minutes a night or something

I’m sorry. The best advice I have is try to spice things up in a way that’s suitable for the both of you. Blame the need on you. Say you’re trying to get your drive back after babies and all the hormonal and body changes and you would like to try x,y,z.

Hey, we all need foreplay! Women who claim it's overrated have had SHIT foreplay!

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