Birthday Party etiquette

Siblings yes, cousins no. I wouldn’t attend if I needed to figure out childcare for one kid while Im taking the other kid to a birthday party. If you want something strictly with nursery friends I would suggest you doing the party at the nursery. Otherwise get a bigger softplay venue or make people selfpay.

That's really interesting. I never thought of that. I guess I would always just take my son or daughter, depending on who was invited. I think our softplay limit is like 20.

I would just put it on the invite that unfortunately we can’t accommodate siblings. I have twins and fully don’t expect both to have to go to everything. They are in different daycare classes with different friends

Sorry just for context as well, keen to know the UK etiquette so I can understand for future planning x

We did a class party and that was something I was worried about as the venue was for 50. Didn’t need to worry in the end due to a bug as ended up with 11 kids. I have brought my youngest before but always ask. It’s usually something where I pay for their entrance and obviously they don’t have food. Oh works Saturdays and don’t have anyone else to ask.

@Jay the amount of people that RSVP usually is not the same that actually attend so you might have some wiggle room. They don’t have any policy for extra guests?

Thanks Karen. That's probably what I would do, if childcare was an issue. I found it really interesting.

I also think me, probably being over polite and annoyingly conscious of offending, would never just assume they had catered for both my children if only one had been invited

@Ana Moore no unfortunately, they have a max number. And all the siblings we have invited will be included in that, but if we're inviting 9 nursery friends, I'm worried that 9 will be 18 lol

@Ana Moore she’s from the UK, I assure you that is definitely NOT the norm here! @Jay it’s not common to bring siblings or other children to parties. Babies are the exception as most places don’t charge. In my experience, parents will ask beforehand when RSVP’ing if they can bring sibling etc. with the given that they will have to pay for their place, especially at a soft play. If you even suspect that anyone will take the piss, pre-empt it by stating on the invite that due to limited numbers, only the child invited will be able to attend. But in my experience, most parents with multiple kids always ask.

Thank you @Neena I was really surprised. And I did find it cheeky. But my kids are 3 and 1, so it is all new to me. So definitely wanted to understand better. Obviously if childcare is an issue, will definitely try and accommodate, but it was interesting how it just seemed acceptable.

I would just say if you need to bring siblings then please let me know so I can double check the soft play can accommodate the numbers

@Jay Unfortunately its definitely a possibility. I would add in the invitation that the space for kids is limited and to please contact you prior bringing extra kids. I never did parties on a kid venue but we always had random cousins show up in our home parties. Space and food wasn’t a problem but I had specific favors and entertainment for the kids and I didn’t want any kid being left out. Now I do at least 3 extra for every party 🥹

@Neena yes I got that later lol at least in my circle of friends is expected to bring the siblings and our responsibility as a guest with extra mouths is to gift hard 😂

Thanks Ana. All of this is really helpful xx

I would be really angry if people turned up with siblings, I think it’s known that you are catering for the children you have invited only. I have never been to a party where siblings come. And my little boy has had 2 parties and been to about 5. He’s about to have his 3rd birthday and siblings are not invited! We don’t have space!

I’m one of 6 and never growing up did my siblings have to come when any of us were invited to parties 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ surely you can’t expect the host to accommodate for all family members.

I would just make it aware on the invites that due to numbers, if they need to bring another child can they ask beforehand so you know if you can accommodate that in your numbers and if you can’t you just have to tell them no! Xx

I think it depends. I’ve been to loads of parties with siblings in tow, especially when it’s younger children who don’t necessarily have the weekend football, dance etc classes older children do and lots that haven’t. I totally understand why some parents do it if they are looking after the children by themselves for example. Is the expectation that they pay for childcare? Loads of other examples. I just think you need to be explicit on the invite. Limited numbers, please let me know if siblings will need to be there so we can try and accommodate them etc etc

I’m in the UK. I went to a friends kids bday party his 3rd party and I’m pretty sure the only sibling there was his own. Otherwise one parent had brought the invited kid with them, and I guess the other parent was at home with the other siblings. As a kid I don’t remember going to the parties my siblings were invited to, or their being other kids siblings at our parties unless we already knew them.

They should never assume siblings are invited unless it specifies on the invite! To be safe though Id write it on the invite, and dont feel bad about it! Xx

In the UK it is not seen with good eyes to show up unexpectedly with extra siblings. However, it is sensible to understand the circumstances of your crowd to make it easier for them to attend. If they have small children it may not be possible for everyone to bring just one kid. So you could offer to accomodate siblings or you specify in the invite that the venue restricts the number of guests to avoid the extra stress. Not all the people that you invite will attend, that gives some room for extra siblings or guests. Depending on the amount of children from their actual class, I would keep it open to bring some siblings to the first ones that confirm.