Husband split personality

I have no advice but would love t0 follow as I'm in the same boat, except I've recently returned to work x

They don't call it invisible work for nothing. You need a break and he needs to do some of the day to day stuff with the house and kids to remember how these things actually get done. Take two nights at your nearest destination town. And don't clean or prepare anything before you go. If you need an excuse, you could say there is a funeral or family emergency. Unethical? Perhaps. But it is an emergency of sorts..... Give up on the toilet roll though, some things cannot be fixed.

U need to release all those responsibilities from ur shoulders . Why do women just assume those responsibilities??? If we just assume them and do them then men are not at fault for getting used to it and making us do it . Plus patriarchal norms saying the women should do the childcare , cooking, cleaning, sacrifice their jobs, friends family etc ,,, no wonder men just keep behaving the way they do bc us women just keep assuming those responsibilities bc we are so conditioned to do that. I released all that pressure and responsibilities that I naturally took on bc I was so conditioned from society and I just started to have a men mentality and behave like a man, then my bf started to change since I was behaving like him so he couldn’t say anything to me. He now knows childcare, cooking, cleaning is 50/50 even if he works and I’m a sahm. Bc we both work technically. He gets paid therefore he gotta pay the bills and I don’t get paid therefore I gotta sacrifice my financial freedom

I think you should sit down with him and tell him that you need to have a serious conversation. You should tell him that you feel invisible, and are starting to become unhappy in your relationship/ life. You need to set expectations with him on how he will work on this with you, and how you can both work on this together. I would recommend marriage counseling. It sounds like he is receptive to hearing what you're saying, he now needs to turn that into action. Parenting/ keeping a household is not a woman's job, it should be both parties responsibility, even if he's working. Best of luck to you both, I hope you can both come to an agreement to improve your overall balance/ happiness.

What you're wanting I don't think exists in the average man. IME men tend to just not notice the invisible stuff. They notice more when they live alone but it's still nothing compared to what women tend to notice. He is not home with the kids and therefore does not see everything that goes into that. Tell him to write down everything he does in a day and you write down everything you do in a day. Then compare. It will be obvious that you need some help. Then set some expectations. We try to do things in pairs. He loads dishwasher, I unload. He picks up groceries, I put them away. I cook, he does dishes. He puts washes laundry, I put it away. This helps take the burden off he to do everything in the home. Every day when he comes home from work he will take care of our LO till dinner to give me time to exercise. On one of his days off he will watch them all day so I can do all my Dr. Appointments and things I need to do and also so I get a day off.

My husband's the exact same. They just don't think beyond their own needs (sorry to say but it's true with a lot of men). Only thing that works is a serious talk, probably one of many you'll need to keep doing over the years. It's basically a routine for me to have a go at my husband once a month for being thoughtless. Nothing I can do about photos, but I just need to ask him to take them now. I will be returning to work, and in that time I'm trying to set him up so he can do his fair share of looking after the kids. It's a harder position being a SAHM because they don't empathise as easily. You have to really fight for your respect.

Sending love and hugs if you want them. What you’re going through is unfair, and it’s emotionally and physically exhausting! He’s not being a true partner. My husband has issues—not house cleaning issues but emotional intimacy issues that weren’t obvious in the beginning. He can really keep me walking on eggshells sometimes with the push and pull of his emotions—while at work (with surface-level relationships), he is Mr. Friendship All Smiles. What I mean is, although he does things around the house, I do totally identify with having a partner who seems normal at work and makes things hard for his loved ones at home. 😣 😞 I’m meeting with a therapist soon to try and cope and also try and get him to go to a therapist for his issues. But it is so hard in this meantime. And with no 100% guarantees that things will get better.

I just logged in and saw these responses. Thank you so much for all the understanding and support! I feel for you who know how it goes, but so nice to know this isn't uncommon persay. I recently began saving a lot of what I do during the work week hours to evenings and weekends so he can actually see :) I will work on having more frequent conversations so it can hopefully change a little at a time. The thing is, I don't mind doing majority on my own. I really love being able to clean/prep/plan my way, I just find that it then has me contributing to this dynamic that gets frustrating every few months when we get back into the dynamic of me feeling I'm a wife from the 50s 🫠

Like I wanna do everything in the house but I don’t want him to get used to it and think it’s my job only and not his. And I don’t want to play a part into the patriarchal mess that we women are trying to fix. I guess it depends on ur partner . Mine will deff take advantage of it , get used to it and believe It’s my role as a woman 🙄 so I can’t be that type of wife with him 😓 If he understood that it was out of my heart but not my role then I would deff be a 1950s wife lol