I feel the same way! I'm almost 8 months postpartum and it is really hard. I can't leave my baby in another room or my anxiety skyrockets so I can't have a sitter or someone else watching him so thats amazing you can have a sitter and have some time to get to know yourself again. It's super hard. I honestly wish I could have some "me time" but I don't know what I'd do either if I did haha. I'm sure you'll figure it out soon!!
I super understand. I recently started going to the gym(never have before in my life) because I felt lost on how to spend “me” time. I am a painter even but trying to make something during this time was too much pressure. What’s great about the gym is I listen to whatever music I want to in my headphones and kinda zone out but feel like I still have a purpose which is: keeping my body healthy. I don’t feel like I’m wasting my time or the time of my husband who is giving me an hour off every day.
I felt like this at some points but learning how to deal with the complex and contradictory emotions mamahood has given me. Wanting to have some me time where I can just sleep but then feeling guilty and wanting to be with my baby when I do. It’s nice that you have a sitter. My suggestion is take the pressure off and just do what feels right at the moment even if that means nothing.