Any mom struggles w her husband too?

Girl I feel this my husband has been off work for 12 weeks and it feels like he’s moved on with life as usual with our toddler while I started over with our newborn. He doesn’t every really want anything to do with me unless he wants to be intimate. He hardly feed or change our newborn. He will cuddle her and play with her every once in a while. He doesn’t help with cleaning bottles or preparing them. He doesn’t share the mental load of when she will eat or how many bottles to take when going out. I struggle most with this because I love my second more than life itself but I also really miss the bond I had with my first. For these past few weeks it’s feels like I’ve really lost that bond and honestly I just want to have the opportunity to do something with/for my toddler. I always feel extremely overwhelmed because I feel like I have a million and one things to do for the house and have to also meet the constant million and one needs of my infant.

I have no idea if it gets better but I did want you to know you aren’t alone in the feeling that you are kinda just doing this whole thing by yourself

@Kamari 💛 Why do you think that is? Have you tried talking to him? I had two conversations that almost led to divorce. When the talk should be peaceful, it escalates into an argument.

@Kamari 💛 we are strong, i send you a big hug

Do you have any help? Like other person who can help you for like 4 hours with the baby? Leave him with the baby and someone you trust and go to take care of yourself. Do something alone and that will let you think better how to set boundaries and talk with him. Trust me, it will be absolutely horrible for him if you leave him, don’t be afraid. God bless you and give you strength 🩷

My husband always had this worry when they're this small about dropping them or hurting them so he holds them for short times so he's not stressing out or worrying about it he also smokes so he tries not to hold them long for that reason as well but he will talk to her kiss her on the forehead or get on the ground and do tummy time with her he'll watch her so I can shower and eat he does his part still in helping im greatful for him and he didn't get any time off he's been working this whole time

You are not alone! My partner makes it worse by mansplaining stuff to me about how to comfort the baby as if he knows better than me when he is barely involved in her care. I keep telling myself this is just part of being a woman ? Dealing with this nonsense. At what point is it just easier to do it alone. If you haven’t reached that point then be specific about how he can help and ask in a nice way. And as always try to make him think it is his idea! For example Once I explained I no longer have bandwidth to care for his kids (from a prior relationship) in the mornings, I asked what he thought we should do, and he came up with the idea to get help to come in each morning to prepare them for school and drive them. You could try explaining your specific needs and see what he says. Good luck, you are doing a good job!

@Victoria Aguilar I’m so happy for you! Every situation is different, but thankfully it sounds like you have a great balance that works for you both!

We definitely do! Hopefully yall can find one too!

@Jessica You’re so right, dealing with all of that can be so exhausting. It’s frustrating when they don’t seem to realize how much we’re already carrying. I love your approach, though—letting him think it’s his idea is genius! It’s great that you found a way to set boundaries and get help with his kids. I’ll definitely keep that in mind. Thank you for the encouragement—you’re doing an amazing job too!

Thank you! Oh and don’t forget once he helps even a tiny bit make sure to tell him what a great job he did 😂

You’re not alone! I was actually thinking of posting something like this myself. I love my husband and he’s been a great father so far. He plays with the baby and changes him and will wash my pump parts … when I remind him to. He lost his job a few months before our baby was born. I hated his job because it was making him miserable so I was happy about that. And having him home during my maternity leave has been super helpful. But he hasn’t done anything to really look for a new job and it’s been frustrating. Luckily I’ve been getting 100% pay during my leave but I’m going back next month. I would want him to find a job too because we need the income. His unemployment benefits are running out soon and I’m worried we’ll be struggling. It’s hard for me mentally to keep on top of him to apply to jobs and remember things. He suffers from depression and has ADHD but I feel like he uses this as an excuse. It’s been so hard to sit by quietly. I feel you.

@Jessica yeah! I did that before and function. Is ridiculous but function

@Synthia You’re not alone! I completely understand how you’re feeling. It sounds like you’re carrying so much on your shoulders right now, and it’s exhausting trying to juggle everything while also encouraging your husband to take steps forward. It’s great that he’s been so helpful with the baby and supportive during your maternity leave, but I can see how his lack of effort in finding a new job would be frustrating, especially with his unemployment benefits running out. Dealing with depression and ADHD is tough, but it’s also important for him to take responsibility and start contributing to your family’s financial stability. Have you talked to him about how this is affecting you emotionally? Maybe approaching the conversation with understanding but also firmness could help. It might also be worth exploring resources or therapy that could support him in managing his challenges while staying accountable. You’re doing an amazing job, but you shouldn’t have to do it all alone.