Breastfeeding grief

There should be support from your midwife / HV team, were you offered lactating support when you had home visits?
Fed is best and it won't change your bond at all. Baby is still in your arms, looking at your face and listening to you just like they would be if you were breastfeeding.

Don’t worry. Not a big deal 6 months will pass soon and your baby can eat normal food. I also struggled with my milk and are giving goat formula. It’s all meant to be. If u still want to try BF then Medela has this system with a bottle u attach to the bra and small string u put next to your nipple. The baby is sucking through that at the same time as your nipple. Check it out.

I'm with you. I was so prepared, it took a lot to successfully feed my first child so I knew what to do and look for this time round. We paid £280 and drove over an hour on New Years Day to get our newborn's tongue tie cut, I'm down nearly £700 attempting to get him on the boob. We're still expressing and bottle feeding but I've set a limit of 6 weeks, I'm not carrying on trying after that. Just had an absolute meltdown because he won't even take a bottle from me - because I'm the only one out of 4 adults who has been pace feeding 😭😭😭 it all feels pointless at this point.

No lactating support at unfortunately had to go to the hospital which they actually hadn’t booked me in when I got there but told me via text message that I had been booked in for a consultation so didn’t actually get a real consultation but luckily o had the text message to show them of the appointment I was told was booked wish on that day I was more persistent instead they too 2 mins to look at my latch told me what to do and sent me home

I’ve been told to put in a claim on PALs as a consultant working at the hospital has also told me that breastfeeding support is dire at this hospital but I just keep blaming myself for not doing something sooner

I can relate, I was 100% committed to breastfeeding before having my baby, I hadn’t even bought bottles or a steriliser because I was convinced I’d be exclusively breastfeeding. Baby arrived and she wouldn’t latch, had a horrible experience in hospital with a mw in the middle of the night who told me my baby was on verge of dehydration if I didn’t get her to latch. She what felt very forcefully put my nipple in my clearly very distressed newborns mouth, which resulted in both of us being upset and no further forward. I continuously asked for support but every time help arrived in hospital they said there was no rush or to call them back when baby was awake. Once discharged we had to start formula feeding to top up expressed colostrum that we squirted in her mouth until my milk came in. There is lots of support in my area but baby still doesn’t latch well (unless it’s in-front of infant feeding advisor) 🤣. I express around 6 times a day with formula top-ups and daily attempts at…

Breastfeeding. I cry almost every day too, it’s definitely a mourning process. I still have hope to be able to feed her, and I have also spent a considerable amount of money trying to make it happen. I have all the pumps (that often fail) nipple shields etc and spend every free minute looking up methods and techniques. It’s emotionally exhausting!

@Jade stress will not help with your hormones and won't help BF. it sounds like you have done everything and I think reading that , alot of people wouldn't have carried on. But for your own mental health and yoir happiness, please enjoy this time with your baby. I EBF and wish my baby would take a bottle so someone can step in sometimes but she won't entertain a teat at all. Fed is best and she'll be just as healthy and full on formula. Good luck

In case it helps, Anya and Bounty apps provide some breastfeeding support. Both apps provide some webinars or drop-in sessions but you likely need to pay a premium access to attend them.

Also, I'm in the same boat of breastfeeding not having worked out (for reason(s) that are still not fully clear). Hence, I started to bottlefeed on day two after giving birth to ensure my DS wouldn't go hungry. Now then, trying to figure out if the formula I'm using is the best for his digestive track which is another thing I wasn't anticipating. I've spoken with multiple health care professionals on breastfeeding and bottlefeeding, and I can only conclude there's no one size fits all solution out there. Pretty much everyone have said though that breastfeeding is not easy and it's a skill that both you and your baby need to learn, plus not to beat yourself up if you need to bottlefeed. One doctor said to me that she was bottlefed and she turned out ok so I keep that in mind when I start to guilt trip myself.

To add, luckily, breastfeeding is not the only way to bond with your baby. Having read your post and hearing your concerns, I'm pretty sure you are already doing lots of other things to build a close relationship with your baby and I'm sure your baby feels loved! Please be kind to yourself - one can only do the best they can at any given situation. :)

I did with my 2md baby and I ended up spiralling into crippling postnatal depression. If you're feeling low ,.please reach out for help, even if it's some talking therapy xx

Thank you everyone for the kind messages this is what I love about this app to be able to share thoughts with other mums going through similar situations makes you feel less alone x

Definitely not alone ❤️ sometimes it can feel that way, until you post here and see just how many of us are experiencing similar things. We’ll all get there in the end and this with be a distant memory! X