Would you be offended?

Depends if it's true or not, but seems a bit odd to be having arguments about sensitive subjects like that when it impacts you

I hope you don’t have any kids with him because he sounds like a closet racist.

Me and partner are both mixed I make very insensitive comments about his Mexican side and he makes very insensitive comments about my white side and we both tag team making comments about our black side. Anyway it differs on couples just because some people wouldn't be offended or other would is really irrelevant to your relationship since it all mostly based on feeling. Also if he believes what he is saying or just joking. But I'm not a sensitive person and I don't care so someone could be racist to me and it's not gonna affect my mood, or make me irritated or mad.

Honestly I wouldn't be too upset but I'd change the subject I don't know why white men especially want to go on and on about it it was long ago just drop it right but they won't they're annoying my guy was like that too in the beginning until I told hey history lesson you're a broken record I'm done listening you're like a NPC character find a new topic

I would honestly call him out on it and I would tell him what’s such a childish behavior or thing to say next time he tries something. I would say ?Are you racist or something because if you are, that’s an issue, we shouldn’t judge people because of their color?. I also never asked who you started it? also, if we do decide to have more children or the children we have we should consider to show them how to love and respect others, regardless of their race or gender that’s not necessary to be bashing or saying such unnecessary hateful things. We should learn to love each other regardless.i want to show our kids love. My mother in law was a huge racist and I hated it and called my husband out infront of her. You don’t treat or say mean things about others. Just because you have had one wrong experience for whatever reason doesn’t mean you have to hate everyone else. We are so Human, we all have hearts, we all breath the same air and crap the same too.

I think you wanted him to feel guilty

Also what he said wasn't off topic and was factually true. So whether you feel it was insensitive or not he stated a fact that went with the topic and there's only an issue because you want there to be one.

Mixed person here. No. He’s not wrong. Every race has had some sort of slavery.

I guess at the time it wasn't relevant to our conversation and it felt very dismissive. Saying " they started it first" sounds dismissive in my opinion

Oh sort of like “well look what THEY did”. I can get why that would bother you

I think I'm feeling extra bc as it led to an argument, during the argument he mentioned I'm not "really black" and black America has no culture (when I mentioned that I'm multicultural) and that I don't really have a culture. I disagree largely.

Not really black???? Excuse me??? What a gross thing to say. Tell that to all the mixed races slaves…maybe that would’ve saved them🤡Does he believe Obama is black? Because he is mixed race too and I assume he agrees he is black. I think it’s hard for people to understand that mixed people aren’t one or another for some reason.

Yes!! 🙏 I'm getting SO sick of his insensitivity and telling me what I am and am not. I'm pretty sure he's high spectrum NPD so it doesn't help explaining my feelings. It turns into a nasty argument.

Oh dear Incog, I was wrong. He’s not a closet racist, he’s a full on say it with your chest loud and proud one. He sounds like the type of white person who proceeds to spout a load of racist shit and then goes “oh but not you Incog, you’re different” 🥴 You’re “not really black” is an insane thing to say to someone who is mixed! From the snippets you’ve provided it sounds like he’s trying to sneak diss you with his micro-aggressions. Again, I genuinely hope no children are involved here and he’s just a boyfriend (soon to be ex because fuck that).

@Neena Thank you so much for your view point. I feel heard. He often insults my character, personality, looks, etc in arguments and your comments about micro-aggressions and sneaked diss, are spot on. We do have children together so it makes it even more complex bc if we didn't, it'd be pretty slim that I'd stay with him. He rarely apologizes and tends to push everything back to being my fault. He is incapable of accountability. I don't think he's quite racist but yes his family makes a lot of ignorant comments like the one you mentioned in quotes. I have felt better after putting up boundaries with them but it's hard to boundary a spouse, you know ? We live together and right now we're stuck for the time being.