Reporting abuse
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Yes, always report it, it’s never too late and you’re doing the right thing withholding contact with your child
I work for the police as a detective who’s worked with domestic violence survivors for two years. It is never too late to report to the police! Speak to them about IDVA services as well, they are civilian advisors and they can assist with the day to day stuff (such as helping get therapy, talk through the court process and generally are angels in disguise).
@Rebecca thank you🥲🤍
@Jade thank you so much. I’m so glad you’ve said that! I feel stupid for speaking up about it now but I feel I have no choice. I didn’t want it to backfire on me. Should I find a police station and say I’d like to report previous incidents of domestic abuse and I have built a folder of evidence to support this from 2023-2024. I feel like I get so scared and mess up my words and can’t get out what I need to say. Therapy would be so good, I’ve been crying everyday and every time I say the experiences out loud to someone I break down but the most important thing is legal aid and support through court hearings.
Honestly don’t feel silly, it takes a lot of courage to come forward. Yes where possible go directly in, and state you need to report historic domestic violence. Take any evidence you have with you to help the detectives, you’ll likely give your initial report to a “front office” or you can call 101 and sometimes they can set up an appointment, but i don’t know how different police forces arrange this. In the Uk you don’t need legal aid, the “crown” takes on criminal fees and acts on behalf of the victim. However, anything through family court or civil is down to the individual. But as this is a criminal matter, you don’t need to worry about that element.
@Jade to do with the custody of my child it’s gone through the family court and he has his own solicitor so I need legal aid desperately. I’ve received the papers so I need someone to help me with them as I have no idea what I’m doing and I have to respond within 28 days. Thank you, I’m at a station now ready to tell them but I’m very scared 😅😅
The IDVA services can help often help you source legal advice, unfortunately the police won’t be able to help with the custody/family court bits 😭you can also self refer, search IDVA services in google with your location. Don’t be scared, just take a breath and once you start talking it’ll be easier. You may have to repeat yourself a little, just so all the facts get written down correctly. You’ve got this 🙏🏻
@Jade thank you🤍 I know they can’t do anything with the court side but it can be a help that I’ve spoken up. I need a domestic abuse charity to be able to give me a letter to confirm the abuse I think that’s what it is, then I will be granted legal aid. I know that’s the hardest part.. as soon as I start talking the tears come and I breakdown. It’s very draining, they did say what was done today was a first statement and he will be arrested and they will need me to write my own statement soon or it may be done as a visual statement. That sounds scary because I’m not sure what else I do from here, they also told me I’ll soon be sent a link to upload the documents I have on my phone but I did manage to show some of it today which they told me to keep 😅. I have things like a video of him shouting at me to leave the house, photo of where I had to sleep on the floor etc etc.. yeah I hope it’s enough🫣 I’m so so so so scared of when they inform him or if they straight away arrest him..
@Jade I know he has a temper, I’ve seen him get angry to the point of terrifying me. I know this will set him off… honestly I don’t know what I’m about to step into. On top of it his mum enables his behaviour and every time I’ve tried to speak to her she shuts me down and says ‘I don’t agree’ so I’m dreading if she messages me. They have said if she sends multiple messages to report them.. I really hope it doesn’t all get thrown back in my face and I end up worse for doing this 😭 he’s a master manipulator and liar
It’s all unknown but you will have support, just any new incident update the officers and keep a record. I wish you all the best and just remember, you are brave and doing this for you and little one 🤍
It’s never too late to.. please report it.
@Jade thank you. I’m quite nervous on the outcome. Social services have been involved they said because I used to live with him and it looks like there will also be a court case 😭. I didn’t know it would get so serious so fast. All I wanted was for them to know and to be safe and as far away as possible
I have proof of his abusive behaviours towards his work colleague also who left her job because of his treatment towards her. Surely this can be used? It shows a pattern of behaviour & I have texts of him saying he’s incapable of basic tasks to do with our baby (at the time) but he wants to have him for a couple of days now when he never did anything before