Husband still Paying BM mortgage

I’ve posted before about this and not sure what I’m trying to achieve but I guess any words of wisdom or having had the same experience welcome! My SKs mum is still in the house my husband left nearly 6 years ago. She moved her new partner in within months however he felt (and I agreed when I met him) that he wanted minimum disruption for the kids and he would change from paying full mortgage to half. This was to give her time to work out what she wanted to do/ to save etc. if she had remained single I’m sure he would have continued to support her as she can’t take mortgage on her own. FF 5 years we are 2 years into trying to work through a financial agreement (post divorce). She has amassed 65k of debt (after my husband paid everything when he left) and therefore when assets are split, he is no longer entitled to half of the house. He has conceded that he will transfer the equity to her new partner so they can get a mortgage together. They got a mortgage offer and it was all going through solicitors and then she refused to speak to him about it for months. Every time he tries to calmly ask her about it she brings up the kids and that they are the priority, she doesn’t have time to talk about the house. She doesn’t work but studies, all her children are school age or older and their dads give her a substantial amount in maintenance (rightly so). She is supported by her partner and various benefits which add up to a fair amount (abo it the same as I earn working). The latest attempt to talk had her shouting and screaming at my husband at the door which ended up making her 9 year old cry. My husband felt awful - she also threatened to call the police and her partner made a comment that if we couldn’t afford to keep paying their mortgage we should ‘adjust our standard of living’. We earn good money but work hard and have a child of our own with another on the way, with significant outgoings. We would also love to move to a bigger house as when everyone is here it’s a squeeze but we are hampered by the additional mortgage. Never could I have imagined we would still be here all these years later but it seems all the power sits with her and whilst she is having her mortgage paid she is unlikely to budge. She also regularly stops contact with the boys when she is made to have any of these kinds of conversations. Any advice, be kind please I’m a very stressed preggo lady!

Show your support

What are the lawyers saying? The actual cheek of her partner is a joke! Is his name still on it? If not he can just stop paying! I would now pass this over to solicitors/lawyers and let them sort it out you guys have tried and sometimes it needs that person from the outside to get stuff like this sorted x

Did their divorce address the house and if she had a time limit to get a new mortgage? I think you need to stop being nice and try and force the sale of the house if she doesn’t get it refinanced in a specific period of time.

Why is he no longer entitled to half of the house!! Because she’s racked up debt on her own?! Absolutely not on that! How old are the kids? Are they with dad regularly enough!! What have solicitors said This is wild!

You guys are already going through the turmoil of her “having the power” go to a lawyer for joint custody. Your partner supplying a copy of the financial aid and support as well as taking the kids on your agreed terms will all support your claims. Not only will you guys be better off financially and emotionally your kids will be better for it with security that they won’t be withheld from family

She will never willingly do what needs to be done and will try and manipulate you with the kids. And say you are hurting the kids. She is just taking advantage of you and your husband.

Thanks guys, this is making me feel better just to hear your outrage cos sometimes I think I’m going mad! The lawyer has been silent since October despite his solicitor trying (not overly impressed with his solicitor in need her to get tough!) yes the debt has effectively cancelled out his equity because you divide assets equally: unfortunately we were slightly naive as I sold my flat and bought a house but we are both on the mortgage as needed his salary to get it. He may try force a sale or at least start this process to move her along but because she has children in the house there’s a likelihood this would be refused for now (although I’m hoping her pattern of behaviour when shown in a court plus the fact they have demonstrated they can afford the mortgage between them would count for something). It’s so bloody draining and obvs my kids get dragged into it then, how her kids feel funny about siblings (they really don’t) and how it’s not her fault we chose to have more children 😫

Also yes sorry to clarify we chose to finalise divorce without financial order because she dragged her heels for so long as we wanted to marry. I also think if her kids were front and centre of her thinking she’d have jumped at the house being transferred to them so she had the security. She says her son has huge anxiety but was already telling him years ago that daddy might make us sell the house and might have another family (particularly upsetting when we struggled with fertility) anyway sorry I’m on one now thank you for the vent! X

You need to take them to court

The cheek is astounding! Like so many others have said - you need to get a solicitor, lay out all your evidence and a paper trail and take them to court.

Sounds as though the ex wife and partner both think they are entitled and until a lawyer stops them in their tracks they will continue to abuse your finances. Sorry to hear of your situation xx

Thanks everyone, we have a lawyer I think they just have taken a while to realise it’s not a case of getting the form filled in and now she seems to be responding more like I would expect. Unfortunately he is still named on the mortgage yes as, she wouldn’t have been able to keep the house on her own. We have a paper trail going back years so hopefully a judge can see the behaviour is unreasonable. It always seems a bit doom and gloom in terms of what the lawyer can actually do, it all really seems to be in her favour. The reason given for no access to children is always because my youngest SS is autistic and she says he is too anxious to come - this always coincides with things like this where she has thrown a wobbly. But thanks, I think hearing you all mention court is helpful and I think he knows that’s the way it’s got to go. X

I was of the belief that Once she’s moved another man into the home that you will have more rights regarding pulling back paying. This was the case with a friend a few years ago.

@Vicky oh really? Thanks for that, I thought it hinged on marriage etc but possibly not? Will add it to the list of my own research for the lawyer (they will love me 🤣) I have actually found that it’s likely he can charge them rent (occupational rent) for half the market value and can backdate it from when he moved out so I’m hoping that’s some good leverage x