Refusal?

My 3 year old has been having behaviour problems for a while but has been manageable. This week I have stayed calm as I can see he’s frustrated but I cannot change his nappy, he’s suddenly decided he is in charge of everything and if I try change his nappy he bites and kicks and I can’t get it on. And he tries to get the dirty one back on. Even stuck one in his trousers leg. It took 4 hours this morning to get him dressed and had to bribe him cos I had an appointment. Hes also been using the potty as well as he’s clearly trying to be independent and I’m encouraging him got him big boy pants but it’s only when he wants to he will use it. He keeps saying “I want I want” and if I tell him he can’t goes crazy and smashes the house up or tries to do things himself like even made himself a cheese sandwhich( supervised) as I refused because he had dinner on the table. He’s also started saying a swear word that he knows is bad and only says it when he’s mad and being naughty. I gave him a shower yesterday and he was fuming and ran out the shower to the toilet and said he wants to touch poo and shoved his hand into the toilet then licked it?! Ive lost control and I can’t seem to gain it back. I know some is normal for his age but he’s taking things to far by being violent and he wont stop. How can I care for him if he wont let me change him. The health visitor was useless as well. Do I just leave him in a dirty nappy and wait however long till he wants it off and hope it bursts and makes a mess?

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I feel the nappy issue has come from nursery as he’s not long started and is quite shy with toileting and they change him a lot during the day like 4/5 times in a bathroom with other children watching and also do him lying down which he hates but he doesn’t kick off then kicks off when he comes home.

Sorry, that sounds really tough. If you the issue is induced from nursery, can you ask nursery to not change him lying down? Maybe they can be a bitore accomodating to his needs? Also, I think with behaviour issues, you can try explain to him (when he is calm) that it's ok to to feel angry but it's not ok to bite or kick. So you acknowledge his emotions but also tell him that his behaviour is not ok. Just have to keep doing it over and over again till your little one understands their emotions. There's a book someone recommended me to help toddlers understand their emotions - Find your Happy. Have a look and see if you think it's something that can help your little one. Hope it helps. ❤️

This might help: https://thebabylodge.com/blogs/thebabylodge/helping-toddlers-learn-and-cope-with-their-big-emotions

Hi, can I just start by saying you are doing amazing because 4 hours to get dressed I truly would have lost my shit. However some useful things I’ve learnt we have to be leaders, when we aren’t leaders that’s when they are the leader, don’t be afraid of the tantrums they are good! But you’ve got to show him you are in charge, so if you say something you got to set a boundary and follow through with said boundary. It’s not nice to over power them but sometimes it has to be done (I defo think you’ve got to do some detective work though as to what is causing the nappy issue ) there’s a book called ‘feelings’ I find it’s been good for my 3 year old , but yeah try also watching some parenting coach’s like Lisa bunnage - hope this helps! Currently fighting some battles with my 3 year old now so I’m just telling myself this too x

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