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The first six months are awful you’re not imagining it. I felt this way with my first she was a high needs baby but is also now really clever and funny. You can reach out to the gp or some areas you can self refer for nhs counselling? Sending love hang in there xx
If you’d like to talk give me a message x
I actually found things much nicer once I put my LO on a strict schedule. The little ones app has been amazing for me. It alters the schedule on a 2 weekly basis and it keeps her so much happier as I'm getting the wake windows and nap times correct for bed time. I even get 2 hours to myself before bed now using it 🙃
I really do think you might have PPD and no doctor would judge you or do anything negative - you might find an antidepressant helps you and improves your experience & bond with baby. It's not your fault you're feeling like this. It's also very normal to find it hard & I have found it boring at times as well. Eventually the time will go so quickly and you'll be back to work before you know it. But in the meantime reach out to someone to get the help you deserve xxx
Oh mama I feel you it’s so hard, I had PPD was so worried about explaining it to my doctors but they were so so helpful, it’s not easy at all but it does get better I was on sertraline for first two months and it helped tremendously. It’s a lot to deal with and can feel so isolating the rage that comes with ppd is unexplainable but it does get better with time
Aw girl get yourself to a doctor, it’s hard and can be really lonely and frustrating, but I think you probably have PPD if it feels as hopeless as that. It could change your whole outlook if you get the support you need, especially the anger, the worries about being judged, the feeling your baby hates you or that you’re a shit mum - all of those feelings sound like PPD stopping you from enjoying it. If you told a GP that or your HV, I’d hope they’d get you the support you and your baby deserve. It’s not your fault, it sounds like you’ve not had the help you need but you have a baby relying on you to get yourself out of the house and seek some professional help so you can feel like yourself again and feel like you’re better equipped to tackle the challenges of motherhood a
Oh lovely. I feel you too. Been there and it is SHIT!! Going to get help is bloody hard but it is worth it. With my first I had post partum anxiety which turned into depression and felt a lot of what you described. Husband didn't know how to give me a break, my family and his far away, making mum friends that I could be real with was a no go. But... GP put me on sertraline- I was and am now EBF too (been on it low dose after 2years as i felt I needed it for my second to be safe, it just helped not see the negative in everything like I was) Also via HV got support from other Mums who experienced PPD and had some therapy to come to terms with the impact of such a massive change to my identity and how everyone else in my life saw me. Also I reckon 3-6 months are the hardest and things really pick up with your baby getting over lots of the really hard things.
One thing i would remember is you probably wanted to have a child not just a baby so if you don't like the baby bit there is plenty to come that you may very well love. If you can go back to work earlier than planned and that's right for you then it's ok to do that. Be kind to yourself and fuck the shame!!! And the guilt. I hate people talking about mum guilt as if it's something we should be feeling- we are not actually superhumans and can only do so much, which is the same for us all and put children will be ok (we are all a bit messed up in one way or another by our parents, let's just accept that we cannot be perfect) (Feel free to message me if you want a chat)
Babies aren’t naughty or bad, they are getting to grips with a big scary world and need you to help them navigate it. Nothing they do is malicious or against you. If anyone called my child a c**t they would be cut out of my life so fast their head would be spinning. What a terrible way to speak about a baby, especially as it reinforces your negative feelings towards her. PPD can affect anyone, no matter their baby’s temperament but it can cause you to see yourself and baby in an overly negative way. It isn’t just how it’s stereotypically portrayed as being sad, but can also show itself in rage, despair and confusion. Please try to get some help as staying in and not looking after yourself becomes an endless cycle where you’ll just feel worse and worse and become more neglectful to yourself and your baby. You’re not on your own with these feelings and they don’t make you a bad person, but you do have the responsibility to get help for you and your baby. Be brave!
@Hope 1000% agree! Definitely sounds like PPD or even postpartum rage and if anyone I know called my son that I’d rip them a new arsehole 😅
I bet you’re actually doing so much better than you’re giving yourself credit. Have you spoke to your health visitor? I’ve been getting out the house for a walk at least once a day with baby. I just put my earphones in and listen to a podcast and it has seemed to help my mood a lot. I do have a mental health nurse I see every 3 months. They don’t judge it’s well worth trying to speak to someone. Sending lots of love
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, I had a lot of those same feelings and was diagnosed with PPD this week. I’ve started medication and was given some great resources. I would have gone to the GP earlier but quite frankly was embarrassed. I already feel a weight lifted knowing there’s a path forward. You’re not in this alone ❤️❤️❤️
Sending love & light your way, your feelings are valid. Motherhood is really hard but trust me, when I say you have what it takes… don’t be scared to get help, I believe some good rest would do you and your baby a lot of good.