Any suggestions?

As a first time mum, I'm going through it ! I feel like I lost myself, my confidence is gone and I feel like shit, physically and mentally. Plus I find myself having so many panic attacks on a day to day that it's becoming overwhelming. How do you restore your confidence ? How do you find time for yourself ? I realised how bad it is when both myself and my husband started a business and we are "both" undergoing training on separate subjects in order to get the business running. He did his first, which was 4 whole days of a lot of learning and networking. Mine is supposed to be in February again 4 days which he was happy to stay with baby. But seeing his excitement and how much he has networked and done well I thought to myself I'm not capable of doing it and simple changed the course details to him. So he is going now for 4 days to learn network and etc. I LOVED this stuff before motherhood, right now I feel like I can't even talk to people, I panic, I sweat I feel extremely anxious. Now, because I basically gave him the opportunity to do it instead of me, I feel like shit, powerless as I always looked at myself and a bossmum. What kind of inspiration will I be for my daughter ? I want to restore this confidence ... Any books ? Any programs which inspire women ? I'm so lost and confused 😕