Birthdays for your little one? -sorry long rant for advice❤️

How do you handle bdays for your babes? Do you have one for your family and another for your in-laws? My baby is turning 1 in a few months and I was planning a fairly small family lunch party. I’m a product of divorced parents so I HATE multiples of events. My parents had a nasty divorce and only started being civil for my baby and I so we could have them in one place and it’s been AMAZING❤️ However, I sent out invites and my sibling in law apparently will not be attending because they need to go to their cabin every weekend. They apparently would like a separate dinner to celebrate when they are free on a week night. Am I crazy for being annoyed?? How do you handle bdays? I figured the first ones the big milestone one that’s good to just have everyone together and then as they get older we branch off to the kid friends then family dinners kinda thing? Honestly I find the first bday to be more for the parents, to have the memories with family and pictures to look back on. So I just don’t love that they want their own separate party. Further context: it’s been a SHIT year. My labour and delivery was horrible and I still have nightmares about it. My son was in rough shape after birth so we invited close family but only adults since it was a lot (in-law sib refused to come until her kids could too). My son was then rushed same day to a specialized children’s hospital and stayed at a NICU for a few weeks due to medical complications and is facing a disability. I’ve had months of physio for him and endless hours of exercises and stretches so it’s been mentally a lot just making sure he has the best chance. Every visit we have to go to them. They only came at the beginning because he was new and tiny. Nobody really ever checks in. Nor offered support postpartum. We live close to my husbands family (never see them) yet very far from mine and mine still provide endless support and try to see me a few times a month at least. My fam and siblings were at the hospital almost every day to just check in on me and if time snuggle our intubated babe. So this all could be adding to my moodiness plus other things. Add: I have been to her kids first bdays and others until they separated to friends parties and family dinners. I never question things. When invited, we go. I kinda thought all families were a “of course we would be there” kinda mind set for littles (of course within reason)

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I personally wouldn't do a separate event. Maybe if they wanna see your baby on another day/time they can just stop by your house? I hate doing multiple events too lol

No to separate events. It's not about them, it's about your LO. If they don't want to go then it's on them

The baby is 1. He won't know or care.

No to separate parties. One party for everyone, they either attend or they don’t. Regardless of being parents/in-laws, divorced or still together, normal adults are able to put aside petty squabbles for important occasions.

Absolutely not I would be telling them they can visit if they please but that you will not be having a separate celebration just for them because they’ve deemed the cabin is more important than little ones birthday when they simply could leave for it later or return early to be able to do both.

I wouldnt do seperate - if someone cant make it due to other commitments then its not on you to plan additional events. Same as anyone elses birthday

I do mini vacation/travel trips for bday… I rather spend the money going somewhere then having/throwing a party make memories and babe gets to experience the world

I’ve dealt with similar situations and not having a good relationship with my mother in law makes these situations feel impossible to get right. I would say over the last year or so I’ve started standing up for myself and my family. If you can’t make it to the event I’m planning for ny baby’s birthday and you want to be able to see them and celebrate then YOU can come to see them. I’m not making a whole separate event just for you. Sorry it’s not about you. It’s about the baby and if you can’t make the date I picked work then that’s not my problem. My baby is either more of a priority to you or you can see them when it works for you. But I’m done catering my life to other people. All I’m focusing on is my little one, my relationship with my partner and myself. Everything else isn’t as important.

Sounds like your sibling in law is regularly a problem. Regardless, I wouldn’t be doing separate events. You put the time and effort into the main event, and their reason for not coming isn’t good enough to warrant a whole separate event that I’m sure they’d still want you to plan/fund. So like one of my favorite TikTok creators say…”No, we won’t be doing that “

I would absolutely not be having one for each side of the family. If someone can't or doesn't want to attend then fine, but that's on them. When the kids are older then I'd potentially have a family party as well as one with kid's friends but personally I wouldn't do that every year

Sounds like a huge them problem. You are under no obligation to appease others!

They're choosing to miss the event. Yes they can come for dinner another time if they want to give their present in person. But it's not a second birthday event

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