UK Mums - Will you be letting your children attend sex education lessons in primary school?

Yes! I’m a deputy head in a primary school, the curriculum is nothing to be afraid of, and very often stuff I see here and elsewhere about what children are and aren’t taught either isn’t true, scaremongering etc.

absolutely! My children will definitely be participating! I think so many people get the wrong end of the stick.

Absolutely, sex education isn’t just learning about sex, it’s learning about puberty and just basic anatomy both boys and girls need to know.

Sex education in primary school is not the school teaching them how to have sex like so many people want to throw out there. It’s about relationships, body parts and puberty, which is exactly what I remember learning in the last year of primary school 20 plus years ago so it’s nothing new! Girls start their periods earlier and earlier so learning about our bodies and puberty is a good thing.

And, from my direct experience in school, it’s incredibly naive to think choosing to withdraw from RSE (your right to) = your children won’t learn about things you don’t want them to. I can absolutely guarantee you, they will hear another child talk about it, be naturally curious as their own bodies are changing, know about babies being made and born as part of science curriculum (statutory, can’t withdraw). Your child, before the age of 11 will hear about sex- so if it’s not taught, it’s going to information gained in playground chat and I’ve heard it aaaall when it comes to what children think they know 😅

Also just to add - I got my period at 9 years old and I thankfully had spoken about periods at school and at home with my mum but some kids don’t have a safe space to talk about things like that, you know?

what year in secondary school did you learn about it? I only briefly remember doing something in about year 10 to do with condoms and that was it! Will you also talk to them about anything at home should they ask about it, while in primary school?

it’s so helpful for those in that position, I think a lot of people forget that! We also, like many other schools I assume, could write anonymous questions for our teachers to answer and that would have been such a relief for some children!

I know I had friends in primary school with not the best home life’s so I can’t imagine them being able to have them kinds of talks with their mum.

We had that too!! It makes you feel like everyone’s gonna be dealing or go through the same stuff as you and singles you out less if that makes sense?

Yes definitely. I remember doing it in primary school and I don’t even remember it having anything to do with sex but more to do with our bodies changing. Some children start changing a lot earlier than others and it’s really important for them to understand why.

Yes, my daughter will be opted in to everything. Better she gets the same information as everyone else and then we can discuss it at home if she has further questions, rather than hearing snippets of misinformation from others on the playground and not knowing what’s right or wrong.

Also primary school technically covers years 1-6, but for me I went to a primary school (1-3) and then a middle school (4-7), and I remember I had my first ‘sex education’ in year 5/6? So that comes under the ‘primary’ banner but for me it was middle school, so that might sound early for some if they think primary ends at year 3 like it did for me!

I thought this was normal? I did sex ed when I was in year 6 and it was nothing about teaching kids to have sex just the human anatomy. I got my period straight after summer holidays and I’m so grateful we touched that conversation before secondary school.

Obvs more detailed should be in secondary school but the basic should be a normal thing ?

Yes. I was slightly concerned when my 8 year old asked on the way home who she should tell if someone touched her and the difference between a secret and a surprise. Warning from the school would have been nice!

yeah it’s standard I’ve just noticed some parents decide to take their children out, and a comment earlier said she found it disgusting so was just curious!

oh no😅 yeah definitely would have been good to have a heads up with a comment like that! It’s a good thing she asked you though!

Year 5/year 6 yes. Any younger, no

but if the majority do surely kids will have conversations about it? And more so for girls learning about periods etc would you teach at home instead? Just curious not hating

I am a secondary coordinator for RSE and am shocked at some of the conversations and resources I see being shared in Facebook teacher groups. I am happy for my child to attend classes at primary once I have been shown what resources will be used snd had fears allayed by staff.

Yes, why on earth not?!

I will be, just seems a lot of parents shelter their children these days.

If it wasn’t taught to her at school, my sister would not have known what was happening to her when she had her first period (and she was freaking out anyway). My mum had an “they’ll ask when they’re ready to hear” approach and my sister never asked. She got hers on a night it was just her and me at home and I had to teach her everything about using pads and how to take care of it. There’s already so much misinformation about female bodies, it’s best to have a standardised method of teaching it to avoid panic or feeling isolated.

They don't learn about sex etc. It's about their bodies and how they're changing and puberty and hormones etc which at the age they teach it is incredibly relevant.

It’s not just about sex education, it’s about the anatomy and correct words used for body parts to ensure the children have the knowledge and understanding to safeguard themselves. The parts about healthy relationships and consent (safe hands/who can or can’t touch you etc) is essential for children to learn, especially if there’s an ounce of abuse at home for them to speak up about it, whilst using the correct words for parts of their body!

I am a teacher. So for clarification for those who don’t know: most of RSE is mandatory and you cannot ‘opt out’. However, the stuff you can opt out of is the sexual intercourse part. This might change in the next 10 years, but who knows.

If you do opt out, just remember your child might then get information about sex from their friends on the playground rather than an informed adult. I am sure happens despite teachers setting the rule not to discuss things learnt in rse with other children outside the classroom.

Your choice is valid either way, just want you make an informed one.

You cannot opt out of: using correct terminology for privates - penis/vagina (year 2) and puberty lessons (year 4).

Trust me, other kids will tell them. And their recall will be poor and your kids will receive a lot of bad information - just like I did. Also, you’re really gonna let your kids go through puberty without any clue about what is happening to their bodies?

as a former AHT and PSHE & SRE leader this is so true!

Yes, but i will have already sat down with them to chat about it, that way any conflicting information can be questioned and researched together!

Coming from someone who started their periods before I had even learnt about them, when the time comes, my daughter will absolutely be learning about it in school and we will also be open about it all with her at home

Why wouldn’t you???

It’s obviously age appropriate things that the children would be taught.

I had basic sex ed in primary school (puberty, biology of boys and girls and how a baby grows), personally I’d have called it biology.

I had sex ed in secondary school which was actually sex ed. How reproduction happens, periods and cycles, contraception, pregnancy, STDs and safe sex.

So, you’ll be doing sex education? Because that’s what that is.

My partner is a farmer so my toddler has been involved with lambing her whole life. I think this is a good place to start (baby animals, seeing them being born etc). I can’t imagine sex education will come as a shock at all

I’m a primary school teacher. Children have a lot of questions and often the classroom with their peers is a safe space to ask them. We with in a world with answers at our fingertips, I’d rather my child have her questions answered with a trusted adult than her googling and finding goodness knows what online. We my STC I answer questions honestly. They ask me what something is, I tell them. We use correct terms such as labia and vulva, children need the knowledge and vocabulary - in an age appropriate way - to help them talk about themselves and to learn about consent.

A lot of children don’t feel comfortable or able to talk to their parents, which is why they have a safe place at school to learn and discuss. They should be able to learn, and shouldn’t lose out because of their parents.

parents haven’t been trained to teach children. Also, unfortunately not all children feel comfortable talking about these subjects with their parents. School is a safe space for them to ask questions and hear other children’s thoughts. I don’t really understand what difference it makes being told by a teacher or being told by a parent unless there’s things you want to keep from them. In which case it’s only something they’re going to find out anyway.

same. my 3 year old is already full of questions about why our bodies are different so we’re also talking about it at home a lot. He’ll be turning up to that lesson with a notebook and pen 🤣

year7 is probably too late to start teaching about puberty. My daughter is 8 and already she’s asking about wearing a crop top as is more self conscious of her body and the slight changes. Some of her friends have older siblings who already know anyway.

same here!! That’s why he has so many questions. He already knows there’s a certain time of the month when I’m more moody than usually 🤣

what if the parents are sexually abusing the child??

Because relying on all parents to teach sex education in the home is like leaving road safety to chance—schools ensure all kids get accurate, unbiased information. At home, conversations might be awkward, incomplete, or influenced by myths. Schools create a level playing field, giving every child the tools to make safe, informed choices.

Exactly this. Most victims of SA know their abuser, so it’s so important that kids learn about consent and bodily autonomy from an unbiased source.

I completely understand your logic but unfortunately not every parent is as comfortable or knowledgeable about puberty, relationships and sex. In fact, quite often, these topics are hushed or repressed at home, meaning when a child becomes a teenager/young adult and starts getting into more romantic and sexual relationships, they are vulnerable and open to abuse.

Of course! It won't be the first time they've heard that stuff though. It's our job as parents to share this stuff with our kids.

and that’s absolutely fair. But was just answering why it’s taught in schools :)

I was replying to you saying that it’s something parents should teach.

Some parents sexually abuse their children, if they are also meant to teach them about sexual education then they could teach them that what they are doing is okay.

And not all children open up or tell people, obviously.

Oh I think I’ve been blocked by Libby as I can’t see her comments now

How will children be able to tell someone what’s going on if they don’t understand that it’s a bad thing?
If they aren’t taught that their bodies are their own, how will they know?
It’s easy to say the child needs to tell someone but if they don’t understand what’s actually happening, they won’t know what to say.

100% sex education is so important! i taught it at secondary school and it is always age appropriate. we will also have a very open dialogue about sex in our house too though!

SRE is taught each year at an age appropriate level. At the school I teach at, primary school children leave having learned about their body parts, puberty, respectful relationships and body autonomy. They do not learn about sex until secondary school.