Struggling

My little girl was born at 34+4 and spent just over two weeks in NICU back in November I was referred to the perinatal team and was due to have my first appointment with them on Thursday just gone which they cancelled as it was “necessary” and said they’d write to me with a new date in due course this has really angered me as I was looking forward to finally being able to vent to someone who might actually understand where I’m coming from. I’m really struggling with having a premature baby I still feel robbed of those moments such as not getting that first photo together after labour as she was whisked away, not being able to breast feed and not being able to hold her until day 5, not getting to bring her home when I went home and knowing she had to stay in NICU and not seeing my pregnancy out to the end. We attend baby massage on a weekly basis but all she does is sleep through I feel like I waste a hour there just watching her sleep looking around at the other mums and babies and feeling jealous that I’m not one of them who can participate I sat in the car and cried the other day after it had finished she’s barely awake I’m sick of having to try and explain to people we have to go off her corrected age I struggle to know myself as to where she should even be in terms of milestones. Please tell me it does get better?

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It gets better. It takes time but it does. My daughter who was born at 34 weeks is now 2 and I just had my second. There are things with my second that I am like oh your sister didn’t do this until she was 2 months. The moments that you are worried that you missed are coming. They are just going to look different than a baby that came full term.

It does get better! My 32 weeker is her 1 next Saturday. She caught up with all her milestones by 9 months. She just pretty small for age as expected. As for missing out on golden hour and other key moments talk to anyone who will let you. You can dm me if you’d. I was broken hearted about it all. It heals with time ❤️.

It’s trauma. And it’s a really good idea to perhaps see the perinatal team. I was helped by them when my little one was in NICU they have psychologists and perhaps you can get a referral. I’m only starting to feel more connected to my little girl she’s now 21 weeks but corrected only 16. So think of it as gaining more time and not losing. It will get better. Sending lots of love ❤️

You are not alone in this journey. Both my sons were born at 34 weeks. My six month old spent 3 weeks in the NICU and I experienced the same things you did. I didn't have a natural birth and wasn't able to hold him right away. My milk took 5 days to come in and at one point I thought I would never be able to breastfeed. Now I exclusively pump and wasn't able to breastfeed my first. I am so heartbroken about that the most as this was my last chance to experience nursing. My four year old is thriving and I know my second will too. Stay strong mama. I sought out a therapist and she has helped tremendously.

It’s ok to mourn the pregnancy, birth and start to parenthood you thought you were going to get! I felt like I grieved for a long time, you’re not alone

It’s traumatic and will remain in the forefront of your mind until you’ve been able to process with the help of a good professional. I felt exactly how you did. My baby got very sick after being discharged and so the few months after were challenging. I can’t look back most of the time without feeling like it was traumatic and a blur. But fast forward and my LO is doing so well. Meeting all of her milestones and healthy. My baby really struggled with sleep and feedings. And now, she’s coming on leaps and bounds. People used to say, ‘enjoy every minute because the time flies’. Yes, the time flies but in reality it’s impossible to enjoy every minute. Some of it is was so tough! Only through intensive therapy was I able to manage those early feelings and make sense of it all.

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