Work/baby balance rant

Im so jealous of my partner, his life is unchanged since the birth of our 3 month old. He never stopped working out everyday, he goes surfing on weekends, he works 9-5 & goes to bed when he wants. I’ve been freelance for the past 4 years & I’ve finally been able to pick up some design work. Trouble is I never seem to be able to begin it, baby wakes or supper needs to be made. Night times are hard atm too as I could possibly get some done if baby slept well. During pregnancy, I made a promise to my partner I’d start paying the mortgage again this month, but I don’t think I can. We don’t share money & my savings are running out. I feel angry & stuck. Do things get better? Is it unreasonable to go back to work.. I just feel like a child asking for pocket money to buy nappies etc.

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Unfortunately I think men have it a lot easier I have 3 children so 3 under 5 it's really hard I don't get any time to myself. I wake up sort get everyone fed ready and school run then I will try my best to get stuff done eg cleaning, shopping, ironing but it's not easy with a new baby and a 1 year old. My other half works on site alot for work so he is gone by 6am and home sometimes 13 hours later. Gets a hour with the kids maybe then that's it he will go watch football with his season ticket at the weekend. It's really frustrating. You shouldn't feel bad about money because you are taking care of your baby and realistically if you was to try work then you would have to pay childcare costs which isn't cheap ! I go back to work in a couple of months I work 3 days a week (13 hours shifts) and I know for a fact that I will get 0 help with anything when I go back the kids will be in nursery but I'll still have to do the childcare , housework and shopping on my days off. I wish I could just be like I'm going

Out for 5 hours bye 🤣. It has started to get easier like my 5 year old can entertain herself for a bit but it's really hard and I completely get it. Please don't feel bad though. Maybe suggest that he spends a full day with baby at weekend whilst you try and get something done if you need to X

It's rubbish isn't it? You are being mama bear which is amazing. But he hasn't adjusted. Free time should be equal, no matter who is going out to work, you are both working. Except you don't get any breaks and he does. I know that's a hard thing to achieve right now with baby being so young and needing mama, but it will get easier as babys needs change. If you are wanting a bit more time to yourself I would just place baby in his arms and state what you are doing and go and do it e.g go for a bath, a run, anything! I don't ask I just tell because if I ask my partner will always find a reason why he can't do it. Once I started doing this the penny dropped and he realised how great he'd had it and how it wasn't fair on me.

Why isn't he sharing the money? You are taking care of the baby so he can go to his job, gym etc. In fact he should equally divide his salary and start paying you instead of asking to pay mortgage!

How couples decide to share money when having children is a very controversial topic, however the fact he’s able to go to the gym the same amount, surf whenever he likes and sleep whenever he wants isn’t fair. Whilst women are 99% of the time the default parent and take the majority of the parental load, he also needs to be willing to sacrifice the same way you have for the sake of the family. Only surf once a month, or work out twice instead of 5 times a week etc. You’ve given up so much, and he also needs to give, in order to meet you somewhere in the middle (ish) he also needs to be prioritising you to allow you time to yourself, even if that’s just allowing you to take a half hour bath, or give you an extra hour in bed in the morning. For a happy family and your relationship to thrive without resentment building he needs to be looking after you which from this post, he definitely isn’t doing… easier said than done, have you tried to communicate this with him?

Im so lucky that my partner is supportive , super hands on. Weekends we are all together as he priortitizes family and I’d be unhappy if it wasn’t the case. He does get more sleep than me because I breastfeed during the night and because he drives to work I don’t want him in danger because he’s driving exhausted so we have that understanding. We co sleep which means I hardly have to leave the bed with littlun in the night and there are safe ways to do it and my life changed when we decided to because I actually felt rested .. money is so tricky isn’t it . I worked in tv and film so didn’t get a proper maternity pay. Luckily we also treat money as a pot for all our needs and to split fairly…. But I will have to go back to work and make it work with childcare and I dreading the whole thing emotionally and financially x

Why is your partner not helping out more? He had a baby too?

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