Pregnant sister being difficult
Show your support
Like dont go stay with your mum even, if the purpose of that was to help SIL
LISTEN IF SHE WANTS TO RUIN HER CONNECTION WITH HER BABY THAT'S ON HER....SOME FOLKS NEED TO BE LEFT TO THEY OWN SHIT
@Ella she’s keeping her. They’ve picked a name and she has asked my opinion on the furniture she’s picking out herself but that’s about it. And this is my big sister not my SIL.
@Mimie how would she ruin her connection with her baby? I’m not taking her baby I think she’s just joking about that. She says she wants me to take her newborn and “give it back” after I’ve potty trained her. And she’ll take my toddler until then. Idk I feel like those are just cope jokes. I was completely alone for the first two months of my daughter’s life and I desperately needed help. I don’t want her to feel abandoned like I did.
My sister was very like you whereas I wasn’t anticipating any help and just wanted to have some time just me, my partner and baby. Some people will go above and beyond to help (which is lovely!) and would like someone to do that for them but some people like myself would rather be left alone for a while and don’t think much about any support so maybe that’s just where she’s coming from! However going back to work straight away, won’t let anyone buy anything for the baby seems a little odd 🤔
I think she will change her mind once she’s had the baby and sees that it will be different from what she’s used to.
If she doesn't want help leave it to that. But tell her you are there for her if she needs it so she can ask
Listen to her?? And then suggest helping her again a few days into when baby is here and see if she still feels the same way - and then again - listen to her As long as her and her partner have it covered, there’s no reason to feel like you owe her any help when she’s clearly communicating she doesn’t want any (for whatever reason that is because personally i’d be over the moon!) And not sure how she can go work straight after giving birth like what her options would be for childcare etc but if that’s an option for her, then yeah good for her and it’s her baby and each to their own honestly.
@Sarah 🎀 I'M NOT READING ALL THAT AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW THEN YOU DON'T KNOW. RESEARCH HELPS
If this is her first, she doesn't know until...she knows, yk? If it were my sister, I'd make meals and freeze them. I'd deliver them and tell her, "i made foods I know you like. The expiration is on them. Eat them or don't, but know that they're there." Id also remind her that if she find that she does infact need help around the house to reach out to me and I'll see what I can help with at that time.
@Cass that’s for the perspective! She’s the only accountant at her job and they are going to have a secretary fill in her roll. She won’t train him because she thinks he’s to dumb
@Mimie way to engage in a conversation.
@Ema that’s kinda what I’m thinking. I didn’t think things would change much before I had my first.
@Tulin she plans to WFH when her baby’s napping and husband is home from work and bring her baby into the office when she needs to pick up things.
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I’d still freeze the meals and store them for in case she changes her mind. Pregnancy hormones affect everyone differently. You’re a lovely sister.
“I understand! If at any point you change your mind, know I’m available to help with whatever you may need. Love you and so excited for you!”
Oh nah. This sounds like one of my sisters. She said she doesn’t want any help then don’t help. She doesn’t want to take the time to heal don’t even try to convince her anymore. She can figure that shit out on her own. Do not let it stress you out. Cause like you said. You have you’re own kids to care for as well.
Some people don’t like help like me personally I’d rather ask for help when I actually need it vs someone constantly asking me it gets very overwhelming and I can’t answer for her but I don’t like anyone buying things for my baby’s on a regular it was something that I personally wanted to do for my kids and also anytime people try to “help” it’s never them helping in my opinion it’s them doing whatever they wanted to and not what yu asked help with and I end up having to do it myself anyways Lastly it’s probably nothing me personally I never wanted kids and I would always joke with my mil like yea I’m finna leave them with yu but I wholeheartedly would not give my babies to anyone I don’t even let anyone watch them barely if I’m not there and I don’t blame her for the dishes part either I get upset with my mil cuz she helps cuz she feels he doesn’t help so it’s very frustrating when she’s helping and he’s not like I had the baby w/ u not her
lol I’m sorry for the long rant but things like this really upset me especially since I wanted that time alone with my babies and sometimes I feel robbed of that since my babies were in the nicu for the first month and then when they came home I still didn’t get that cuz everybody felt they needed to help like sometimes I the best help yu can give is some space
@Hind thanks. I think that might be the best solution. If not my mom can have them. We live in different states
Do some things but don’t overextend yourself. Be helpful, but not overly so (like you might do if she was more receptive).
If it was anyone but your sister I’d say leave her but ik siblings can be feisty when they’re under stress because they’re comfortable with eachother so I’m leaning toward doing it anyways and giving it to your mom As for the cleaning I did not want anyone cleaning my house when I was pregnant or post partum I would’ve appreciated someone sitting with baby while I did those things tho. Maybe she will accept help once the baby is out ☺️
I would help her regardless. I'd make some meals to freeze and pop them over a couple weeks before baby is due and do a big clean same time, then check in after baby is here to see what else she needs. Is it her first baby? Maybe she has unrealistic expectations of how difficult it can be with newborns.
@Claudia this is her first baby
Ftm are absolutely clueless, you don't know what you don't know Respect her wishes until she asks for help
I’d just leave her until she gives birth. Pregnant ladies are crazy. Take it from me, I’ve been one mad woman lol
Why are yall forcing it? She doesn’t want help stop mentioning it every few days and let it be. If she needs the help she will ask.
@Makayla Johnson because I’m not mentioning it every few days? I live two time zones away from her a little coordination has to be done. Y’all want a village until it comes to help but isn’t being done how you want it.
@Amal lol my sister is certifiable right now. 🤣 she’s typically the rational one.
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Tell her you are there if she changes her mind and in the meantime take no for an answer. That's fine. We are all different. I would have loved you as a sister personally. That's very cute of you 🤩
Smells like it’s her first baby?
I would just do the meals and freeze it and keep them for her in case, and if she doesn’t ask, well you have meals ready for yourself ! I would just say to her sorry if I overwhelmed you, I stop asking if you need anything then, but know I will be there to help with anything you ask !
@Sarah 🎀 I CAN ACTUALLY REPLY HOW I PLEASE I'M NOT BEING RUDE. IF I FEEL THAT I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY TO SPEAK ON SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN EASILY RESEARCH I WON'T. I DON'T OWE ANYONE A PROPER RESPONSE ON ANYTHING.
Why you yelling for girl? 😂
Op, let her figure it out. If she don’t want the help, stop offering. If you live in different time zones and she rejects help, kinda on her hun.
I was like your sister - determined to do it all. And I really struggled as I underestimated what postpartum and its challenges. Hang in there for her and help her as the need arises
Im about to have three kids and I won’t accept outside help. My SIL keeps saying she’s booking time off work to be here when this baby is born and I’ve told my husband I don’t want it, she’s being over bearing (because it’s all the time she keeps saying it and that she’s going to come to the hospital) my husbands parents will say we are there if you need us and I just say I know that thank you, but again I don’t need their help, they will watch my two children while I’m in hospital and then leave us to it, and I plan on going back to work this time round about 12 weeks after birth for for a few days, but again I won’t be having any help. Me and my husband have it under control. It’s ok offering your help and saying you’re there if she needs you but don’t force it, and hopefully if she does need you she will reach out. You can’t make someone accept help especially if they’re pretty independent they msy also struggle with accepting help
Tbf I struggle to accept help but I think if someone just did it without making a point of saying they’re doing it. I’d really appreciate it ☺️
Are you sure she's keeping the baby? She sounds like she doesn't want it. Maybe she's adopting it out. But anyway, do nothing. She doesn't want help.