Feeling resentful

I’m so frustrated with my husband. He works on the weekends at night, and I never ask him to do anything on his workdays. All he does is sleep and work which is fine. We even agreed that Monday can be his day to do whatever. If he wants to sleep all day, or work on something, it’s his day. My issue is the other days. He doesn’t help me at all. He doesn’t regularly do any chores, and his chores get neglected (like yard work) he sleeps whenever he wants to, so sometimes he’s asleep the entire time I’m awake because he was up all night. He is so hard to wake up. He’ll wake up and have full on conversations but claim to not remember anything (which I believe) He rarely spends one on one time with our son, or with me. I’ve tried talking to him about all of this countless times. He keeps changing his response, sometimes he’ll say he’ll change and I’m right (nothing changes) or he says if he worked five days a week I wouldn’t expect so much (I told him I would still expect help) and he’s even told me I need to get a job because if we’re sharing house chores then we need to share financial responsibility, but then he retracts that. I’m at the end of my rope and I’m getting resentful. I’m falling behind on my responsibilities because I’m on baby duty 24/7 and I’m burnt out. Our son is 17 months old, and he was EBF until 1 year old, so I did every single night shift (still do) He says he helps out because every once in a while he’ll let me sleep in and he’ll handle our sons morning routine (no morning chores) or he’ll watch our son while I go help out my parents at their house, or he’ll start a load of laundry (not dry or fold them) I don’t want to divorce him, but how can I get him to take me seriously? I don’t feel respected by him, I don’t feel like he cares.

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If he gets a designated day “off” you get a designated day off. Parenting his own child is not a choice that is the job he got when he became a parent. “Watching” no that’s just parenting. Dads don’t babysit or watch. If you commute to making the mess you commute to cleaning it up. You do work. Go get the cost for childcare, housekeeping, formula cost for a year, personal chef, personal shopper/meal planner etc. go add that all up. That is your financial contribution. Working 5 days a week many single parents do and still do everything else. So that’s a lame excuse.

@Hannah it seems like because we live on his income every thing else is extra to him. Even though he says it’s “our money.” He’s even told me that he has to remind himself that technically I’m still working when he’s working. Even though by that logic I’m working 24/7

First I’m sorry you have to go through that! I understand where your man is coming from with his work schedule, mine works 12 hour night shifts and more than just the weekend. Some weeks he’s more tired than others and he will sleep most of the day before he goes back to work that night. However this is not the case 1/2 or more or the time he will at least get up and spend time with the kids before work. I stay at home and he still does chores and spends time with our children. Don’t let that man ever make you think that’s normal, or that you’re the weird one for wanting him to step up and be a man. The truth is he would have to have a job regardless, family or not, but if you weren’t there he would have to clean, cook, etc. Get a small work from home job for a couple of weeks just to prove a point that you can do everything you do and also work because he’s just lazy! Unfortunately it might take you being serious about leaving to catch his attention.

I think it’s unreasonable for you it’s blissful for him but if that’s what you need from him that’s what I’d ask for!

Hi love ! Sorry about your situation. Have a one to one conversation about the division of chores. After the division of chores, please don’t do the chores that he has given to. Always remind him to do the chores. If he’s not doing them just leave for the week. Then he may understand that you’re not going to do those chores if he is not doing it. Be patient for 2 weeks or so he will do it all by himself.

I’m sorry you are going through this. I would recommend you both write down all the things that need to be done including the mental labor and then sit down and discuss with your partner breaking up the responsibilities. My husband and I did this and he didn’t realize my mental labor and i passed things on to him that was both physical and mental and we traded some things to show each other the work involved and he finally realized how much more i was taking on. Keep in mind my husband already did a lot of physical labor. But swapping responsibilities helps both of you realize the work you are both doing. Now he does all the baby’s laundry and his own. He cleans the kitchen and the dishes. He manages the mortgage payment, Hoa payment, gas bill and tv/cable bill. i do the baby’s dr appointments and all her food, cook most of our meals, grocery shopping, schedule the swim lessons, pay for the electric bill, FSA account and pay the daycare bill. we split the household cleaning etc.

I’m sorry for you!!! My husband works 10 hour Mon-Fri & 8 hours on Saturday’s. First thing he does every single day he comes home is spend time with our girls!!!! We give each other time to go workout, I usually cook but he always helps clean up, give girls a bath etc. On his days off I let him sleep in (since he wakes up at 5 all other days) but he’s usually up at 7 anyway because he doesn’t want to miss out on time with us. I’m not trying to brag, just showing that him working is a super weird reason for not wanting to spend time with you and your kid. I would be crushed if my husband showed that little interest. Also I would just leave a full day and give a list of things I normally get done home alone, ask him to follow your schedule and get same things done and see what it’s like when you get back home. My husband says he’d be more tired doing what I do than working😅 seems like you guys might need therapy/counseling because there is no respect & seems to be resentment from both❤️

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