Just looking for opinions.. when is it ok to give up on your spouses grief??

When is it acceptable to give up on your spouse’s grief? Now hear me out. My husband’s mom passed away in May of 2020. He was the biggest mama’s boy ive ever met but still here we are. I’ve held him, cried with him. Listened to him. Empathized with him. All while taking care of our 4 children and there’s 1 on the way. I was a stay at home mom(i work now)and he works. I have tried to show up for him in every way Iknow how for the first 3 years of this process. We don’t sleep in the same room, we haven’t touched each other since I found out iwas pregnant (6 months ago). No kisses hugs or ANYTHING. Not for lack of trying by me. He works from sun up to sun down and grabs extra days so he doesn’t have to be home with me and the kids. I’ve asked for time and effort and I get nothing. I’m so ready to give up on this whole thing but a part of me would think I’d be wrong to give up. Idont want to give up. However, idont feel like iget anything out of this relationship while he keeps making demands. I just want an outside opinion. When is it ok to give up on his grief and on this relationship. PS. We’ve been together 11 years on and off married for 4

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it sounds like you both need a sit down

@Kendra I’ve suggested therapy but he is not interested

If he isn’t interested then make a statement, look I know your mom passed away and I am here for you and I will be here for you every step of the way because I am your wife and I love you these children love you and they miss their grandma just as much as you do but it’s time to realize that you need to put our needs first because we come first in a relationship you need to put me first because I am your wife and if you can’t decide to put my needs first after I have put my needs into you for so long then I think it’s time to see a therapist or it is time to take a break.

It's OK when your mental, emotional, and/or physical health are affected, and it's OK when it's affecting your children. Grief doesn't have an expiration date. He will be grieving for the rest of his life. He needs to start taking steps to process his grief. I agree with Kendra, sit him down, and explain that therapy is non-negotiable for now. You are having a baby soon, and he needs to decide once and for all if he is going to put you and your current needs first because if not then you need to make arrangements for post birth as you will need support and do not believe he will offer said support. I'd consider therapy for you too to help you process all this too and help as you navigate life when baby is born. All the best!

There is no timeline for grief, but it is okay to give the ultimatum of couples and individual therapy (and shown progress) or the door. Sometimes we need to be there for people from afar to be okay yourself, and you have children to be there for too.

I’d recommend counseling. It sounds like he might have some mental health stuff going on triggered by his moms passing

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