There is doubt my brother is my Dad's child. It's kept as a secret from him, I didn't know until a year ago.
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@Chris I should clarify me and my brother grew up together we were told the man who raised us was our Dad. My sisters, by my Dad, were older and not raised with us. In my 30s I learned that my Dad is my Dad but a possibility he's not my brothers Dad. My sisters also know this and believe it but my brother was never told about this. So if we put his ashes to rest and me and my sisters are holding this secret he doesn't know. It's unfair to him and a uncomfortable situation. I confronted my Mom and she won't tell who the other man is but let's it slip there might be another man. So she's upset and my older sister by my Mom is upset. And my older sister by my Mom also doubts her father's paternity ( another man not my Dad) but never comes out and says it, she implies it all the time.
One of my little sisters always knew we didn't have the same dad. I knew when I was about 11 so she was about 9. When we were teens I had mentioned it to my sister but she didn't believe me. It was until she was 21 that she found out that the man she grew up thinking was her dad was not and that's because she had a health related thing that required info about her "dad" who she hadn't seen since she was about 7. At this time my older sister and I spoke to my mom letting her know that we knew he was not her dad and that she needed to come clean. She wouldn't. She swore he was. My little sister hired an investigator to locate the man she grew up thinking was her dad and he happily did the test but he wasn't her dad. That's how she found out. She's 34 now and her relationship with our mom has not recovered. I say this to say that your mom needs to tell him and she needs to prepare to answer questions he may have. But, if your dad recently passed away then idk that's rough because he's mourning right now too.
It's a shitty thing. But as a sister, if you know...and she won't tell...you have to decide is the secret worth keeping for your mom or if this is worth your mom being angry with you but knowing your brother will have some truth? As a sibling, I'd tell mine❤️
To me if your dad raised him and the bio dad wasn't in his life he is the dad he may not be father but he is is dad and he deserves to be there regardless. But he does deserve to know the truth and use that to make a decision
I would go on with laying your dad to rest. Whether or not your brother is biologically your dad's son doesn't matter. He raised him and is his dad in every way. Let your brother have his time to grieve, the same as you, and don't ruin that for him. It would be horrible to rob him of that closure and add in a bunch of feelings he doesn't need right now. Personally, after the grieving period has passed, I would tell my brother. I think it's really messed up that everyone except him knows, and I would feel extremely betrayed by everyone. There are choices to make that are solely his to make...
Did you guys all grow up together? Your poor brother. I guess I'm confused by your question. Are you asking if you should postpone putting his ashed to rest ...because you want to include your brother if that's his "real" dad or if it isn't his biological parent, you'd not want him there to put him to rest?