Forcing LO to kiss mil

Ugh I hate this. I would just state a boundary and then follow through with a consequence. Tell her we do not force hugs or kisses, we let her decide if she wants to and we will Honor her feelings. If she says no or runs away or gets upset that is a no. If you force her, we will be leaving and you will not see us again. If you feel like it might help, explain how this will teach her to say no as she gets older and to understand strange behavior but you don’t owe her an explanation. I will say MIL is from a generation where they did force so giving an explanation (I’ve even told people if an adult forces you another adult to kiss to hug you can file a complaint and we call it harassment and it is the same for tiny people- this helped a couple people see it from a different perspective than just wanting a hug from a kid)

@Shannon we have told her a couple of times but she likes to act like she can’t hear us. It’s weird because her mil ( my husbands grandma ) just knows not to force her if she don’t want to. I hate that I have to explain things to her because it always ends up with her either not speaking to my husband or arguing ugh which is literally the reason to why I don’t even like going to see her.

Oof- at that point you will only see a change if you basically stop coming or leaving immediately anytime she does it. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

Also - would recommend having your husband say it so she can’t pretend it’s just the person who married in and her precious son doesn’t care.

Causing conflict would be the last thing I would worry about. She would be told by me that if she forces herself on my child again that she will not be having contact with my child. Making sure my daughter grows up knowing that someone does not have the right to force themselves on her is far more important than a grown woman getting her feelings hurt

@Kimberley honestly I don’t care value her feelings, it’s how exhausting having to explain something to her is. Every boundary we try to set is seen as an attack directed to her character but funny enough she’s the only person we really need to set boundaries with because eveyone else seems to know how to act as a normal human being around my kid.

@Shannon yeah I need to speak about this with my husband, I just don’t even know how to bring it up because Ik he’s fed up too. It’s been bugging me all day

Your child, your rules.

Honestly at this point, I wouldn't tread on eggshells with this woman any longer. I would get your husband to tell her straight, it's a boundary that you've set and if she can't respect it she's no longer welcome in your home. Your child, your house.. your rules! I also have a similar situation.. my husbands grandma does this. It's hard because she's a very loving woman. Our daughter isn't cuddly with anyone, it's just the way she is. But grandma can't wrap her head around it.. she chases her and smothers her in kisses on her neck/cheek.. I've brushed it off for a while but last week my daughters face told me it's time to step in, she was lifting her shoulder really rubbing at her face where grandma had kissed her and it sounds a little overdramatic but the only word I have to describe the face she pulled is.. distraught? She didnt cry but you knew she wasnt happy :( I'm going to have words with my husband before her next visit because its not acceptable and if I have to say it, I'll upset her!

@Maddie yeah I haven’t had the conversation with my husband yet but I will definitely be having it before our next visit. I’m her mother and I don’t even force her to kiss me or hug me and even my husband knows not to so I shouldn’t be allowing her to make my daughter feel uncomfortable/ upset.

You're absolutely right! My husbands grandma is visiting tomorrow, I ALMOST mentioned it over text when I spoke to her earlier but I know no matter how it's worded its going to upset her because to her we're telling her she can't show affection to our daughter 🥴 so it's a conversation I'm gonna have to force my husband to have with her haha

@Maddie yeah, I was gonna mention it over text today but I’d rather have my husband deal with it 😂

Honestly - pick a time your both calm and ask are you in a head space we can have a hard convo- doing it if he’s really tired or stressed will come out wrong just because of circumstances. A therapist could help with wording

@Shannon we spoke last night, he said he already spoke to her a few times but she just don’t listen so he said he will have a conversation with his brother and he’ll ask him to speak to her too and then he will after just to make sure she don’t make a big issue out of it.

I coincidentally saw a post today on facebook it just said "my child is allowed to refuse touch from anyone. I don't care who they are or how rude they think it is.." and I found the comments so validating! So many grandma's and great grandma's completely agreeing that you should always listen to the child! (The odd few thinking it's somehow their right the force themselves upon children 🙄) We're definitely right to enforce these boundaries to protect our children. Don't doubt yourself, I know I won't now! 👍❤️