I don't know how to keep going..
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I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. The changes that happen after having a baby are immense and very very real, post natal anxiety, depression and rage are common things but are really unpleasant for the one having them. The repetitive thought to leave is your mind trying to find a solution to make yourself feel better, to escape from the pain / distress. Definitely talk to your GP and be completely honest, they're not going to report you or try to take your baby, they can't get you the right help if they don't know the full story. You can also self refer to NHS talking therapies. There will also be other organisations in your local area you can reach out to. I've had PND with both of my babies, please drop me a message if you want / need to. I hope you start to feel better soon.
What you’re going through is very common, so you are not alone, but you definitely should be seen by your OBGYN asap. That sounds like PPD and postpartum rage and anxiety. A lot of people go through it and it doesn’t mean you’re unfit, but you definitely should seek help. These things can get very serious very fast. With proper treatment you’ll be able to look back and realize this was just temporary (so don’t lose hope), but these things don’t often cure themselves without intervention. I’d also reach out to a trusted person other than your boyfriend (parent, friend, healthcare worker) and let them know what you’re going through.
Take two days off asap. Go to a hotel stay 2 nights sleep a lot . Tell him u need this for ur wellbeing
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way! I also went through a very similar thing! Rage, anxiety, and depression! My LO is now 5 months, and it has gotten better! I still have my moments. Please know you're doing an amazing job. All these feelings are normal for what your body is going through with the hormone shift and everything else. My partner works night shifts and when he leaves the house I get intrusive thoughts that someone is going to break in, i start stressing about how I'm going to protect her etc. So I'm definitely still experiencing it all. If you feel like you can chat with your partner definitely do it. You've been through alot I'm sure he'll understand. I'm also here if you need to chat about anything xx
I went through the exact same thing and had very similar thoughts but your reality is not all true. You’re doing great as a mother staying strong through these emotions. Having a break does not mean you’re weak minded or unfit. It’s healthy to have breaks and extremely important to take them when you can. Unfortunately we use our partners as punching bags bc we are so close to them and it’s an unhealthy outlet for us so maybe think of other alternatives such as a run or mini power workout (safely of course) it’s important to take care of yourself during this time to have a better outcome for your family.
Its instrusive thoughts,.very normal but not nice at all. Please call you doctors today ask ask to be referred for councelling CBT. I am currently having CBT whilst 26 weeks pregnant due to some trauma in mynfirst trimester. Its made such a difference. There is also a really good book thats I've just finished called Mind Over Mother: Every Mum's Guide to Worry and Anxiety in the First Years Book by Anna Mathur Its fantastic. There is also so many podcasts on spotify vover post natal mental health etc. Have a look today, makes you feel less alone. So many people go through this, its so overwhelming and so hard such a massive change. If you want to chat further pop me a message. But i promise you if you do the above, you will feel so much better. ❤️❤️❤️