I effed up 😭

Hey I have 16 mo twins I totally understand getting overwhelmed it's constant. I am bad because I put my down with bottles. It was the only way I could get them to nap.when they don't sleep they also start acting crazy

@Chelsea it’s so constant . And one of my twins is starting to pull up on things , the other one still can’t figure out how to crawl all the way , so one is pretty much going wherever and the other one is crying for me so when I get 5 minutes to myself I look forward to it all day and I think I thought I was going to get lucky with them both napping and when it didn’t happen I just got so overwhelmed .

It’s harder than we think to just “break the pattern” we were raised with. It’s not just a decision but takes a lot of self exploration, “shadow work”, and learning nervous system regulation. When we’re pushed to the edge of our nerves with all the crying and screaming and demands of small kids our brain triggers survival mode and will revert to the patterns ingrained to us as children or defensive patterns. I’m just saying it happens to many. It’s better to regulate yourself and take any space you can (which may not be much) than to try to push yourself to just stop getting upset. You won’t be able to force/ will yourself to just be patient. Anyway nothing is “wrong” with you, it is difficult to be exhausted, over-touched, and faced with a barrage on the senses like screaming. It’s a literal torture technique. I almost never had an emotional outburst I couldn’t control in my life until I had small kids. One thing I did was get noise cancelling headphones.

Not that they block all the sound so you ignore your kids, but if the screaming needs to go on and they need you it doesn’t need to be at max level. You will still hear it plenty.

@Seens it’s so crazy because we had to go through fertility treatments to have our children and even though I was upset it had taken so long I kept telling myself it was better this way because I had worked on myself throughout the years and would consider myself a really patient person compared to the past years and then I completely fucked up today . It really reminded me the work never stops . Hopefully I can find a good book and get back in the habit of changing the way I think and rewiring my brain . My kids deserve so much more then whatever the hell I did today

You’re doing your best. Being a mum is an impossibly hard job sometimes. I almost always managed to keep my cool with my first (almost always) but now I have two and I am constantly finding myself getting overwhelmed and overstimulated, and finding it so much harder to regulate my emotions. With twins you’ve had that from the get go! The fact that you’re conscious of all this, and that you’re trying to break the cycle tells me you’re a great mum. You’re never going to be perfect all the time. I try so hard to stay calm but when I do lose my cool, I always make sure I apologise for it and I don’t expect my kids to forgive me right away. Then I forgive myself and make a promise to myself to keep trying to be better next time. I try to remind myself that there’s a small child in me who’s still healing from my childhood, and beating her up for falling short is just going to make it harder for me to move on and become the mum my children deserve. You’re not alone, and you’re doing great!

I don’t have twins but I have 2 under 2 and I’ve definitely been there. I was raised in a verbally and physically abusive home and swore I’d break the cycle and on all levels I have. But I’m stil human trying to rewire my brain of 30+ years of behavior. They are too young (atleast I hope) to pick up on my slips but I always apologize to them if I feel I got a little too loud or said anything off to them. I started wearing my AirPods during the day. They block out some sound so I don’t get overstimulated by the crying and on the days where they are overwhelmed we do a lot of cuddling on the couch or in our bed. Sometimes I feel like it helps them reset to have a little bit of quiet away from the toys and music playing. It helps all of us regulate our emotions. Or sometimes we go for a ride. If my youngest is fighting her naps bad. I’ll throw everyone in the car. My daughter takes a nap, I can listen to music I like, my son gets a little screen time. We get a sweet treat then home.

Aww motherhood is the hardest thing ever and we’ve all had those days where we’ve not acted ‘proper’ and have said or done things we regret. Don’t beat yourself over it, tomorrow it a new day and tomorrow you can give them extra cuddles 😊

Don't be hard on yourself...you have a twins so is double harder for you.many of us have this moments , is such a hard job to raise children...we run out of patience often especially if no help around...is a big test for our mental capacity...people say is get easier but to be honest i don't think so....every new day is a challenge x

My twins are 11 months and when I'm stuck in the house with them for too long I get in such a state that I absolutely hate. You need time for your self.

Hey, we say stuff that we don't mean. Sometimes I snap too, but I always apologize (my daughter is 1.5 years old) What's important is that you recognized your mistake. It's never too late to put back the pieces when they're small. They know that you love them. It's hard to forgive yourself, but it's easy for them to forgive. I'm trying to break the cycle as well. It's going to be okay. We're not built for perfection. It's ok to leave them in a safe place and allow them to scream while you pull yourself together ❤️