Am I the only one who has felt like this?

I basically could’ve written most of this myself! You are definitely not alone! ❤️ I’m sorry you are going through this and I’m sorry I can’t really provide much advice, mostly solidarity, but having a birth reflections appointment helped me a little and I’m also having some therapy, which I hope will help a bit more, I don’t know if you’ve considered getting referred? Sending you love ❤️

You're definitely not alone in these feelings. I was the same after having my 30 weeker in March 2023. Grief for the what could have been is definitely a valid feeling ❤️ have you come across Miracle Moon on Instagram? She's a clinical psychologist, specialising in NICU experiences having had one of her own. It's really worth a follow - helped me realise I'm not alone and she offers up loads of help and advice on processing all the thoughts and feelings that come with the NICU experience xx

Definitely not alone, my boy was born early and thank fully only a short NICU stay but I struggled massively blaming myself that I wasn’t good enough to grow him fully and worried he’d end up back there especially after he lost 8% body weight by day 3 . As a small baby I was terrified. BUT it isn’t your fault, and my boy at 4 months (11weeks corrected) is highly his milestones that late babies are only just hitting. We were given premature babies because we’re strong and they need us. They end up being stronger babies because of it. You’re amazing, don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t until I had my premmie baby that I realised how many NICU mums there are! And I second Miracle Moon

That all sounds very normal and you are deffo experiencing grief. I feel the same every single day my baby was also growth restricted, yet even through growth scans it wasn’t picked up. My birth was completely mismanaged and the CTG misinterpreted for over 7 hours. My baby came out with severe brain damage, he has cerebral palsy, epilepsy & is blind. He will never walk talk or even live to be a teenager. Even now a year on I feel bitter & jealous when I see friends & people on fb having healthy babies. I think why not me & grieve for everything I should have had. I’ve found that seeing a therapist has helped a bit if that’s something you would be open to, tbh time will probably help you a lot. I’ve recently started taking an antidepressant which also helps a little. You should be open with your friends & family it might feel good to get some off this off your chest. Hopefully time will be a healer for you x

It's all totally normal and understandable to feel those things, my baby was born early due to restricted growth as well with 2 months in NICU and I often grove things we didn't get. I've started seeing a therapist through our perinatal mental health team, I'm not sure if that is something you have in your area but might be worth looking into if at any point you felt you wanted to talk about it and process things, that's what I'm working on. I would also agree that miracle moon on Instagram is great and talks about a lot of these things and there are so many other parents who are feeling the same. It's hard when you have a friend going through pregnancy, you can feel happy for her but also sad/jealous too, that's ok. The fact that you have realised means you are already such an amazing friend. Am here if you want to chat at anytime xx

Thank you all, I had my first therapy session today. Just finding the whole experience so lonely as I think having a premature baby causes so many unique thoughts that I don’t think others would understand.

Well done on having your first therapy session, they can be really overwhelming and tiring. I promote you aren't on your own and there are lots of us who all feel the same, it's just not easy to find them in every day life! I still find it hard talking to my friends about it as they can't really relate. I hope therapy helps x

You’re not alone! I had to have an emergency c section went in for reduced movements and found that I actually had no amniotic fluid round baby and that she was measuring 2lb at 33 weeks so they decided to bring her here early and also spent time in NICU. Like you I blamed myself and whether it could have been prevented if I had of just “took it easy” and blamed myself body for failing me this time around. I requested a debriefing of my delivery experience where a midwife went through my notes and answered an questions I had and sometimes they can tell you why it happened (in my case they couldn’t because no fluid happens for many reasons) But maybe think about asking for a debriefing. Also if you haven’t get in touch with your Perinatal team x

My story is exactly the same as yours, I had my boy at 31 weeks, and he was in the nicu for almost 5 weeks, and I still grieve the end of my pregnancy, that I never got a proper bump (I’m a big girl so my belly hid it) I didn’t have long feeling his kicks etc, and my baby is 1 now, I still look in envy at heavily pregnant women wishing I could have experienced that, but all I can say is you aren’t alone. It’s hard to deal with but at the end of the day, you and your baby are both here to see tomorrow, no matter how he came into the world

I could have written this myself. It’s really tough and I feel exactly the same as you. Reach out if you want to chat ❤️

I've been feeling this too, I had my girl 5 weeks early in October and she spent 5 weeks in the hospital and 2 months at home on oxygen. Grieving is exactly how it feels. I'm so grateful that she's here and safe and mostly well. But there's some mild complications we're dealing with and sometimes I just feel so rotten that I couldn't have a "normal" pregnancy experience. You're not alone at all. I hope it's not too overwhelming for you

Just joined this group and I'm currently facing this and have I've learned of something called post natal ptsd which is caused by tramatic births and events after that that can be tramatic like baby in the nicu aswell I'm on my first step on my journey forward with help