Christmas Presents 🎁

You have every right to feel how you felt. My daughter was seven months on her first Christmas, so she couldn’t open gifts. We kind of alternated with my nephew. I like to relax on Christmas so if it was one less thing I needed to do I let it. lol

If both children have the same number of presents, why wouldn’t it be okay for you and baby to open baby’s presents?

My second baby boy was a newborn around Christmas (first Christmas). We got presents from my brother in law (husband’s brother) and of course my newborn can’t open it, they handed me the gift. They could’ve handed it to my husband but 9/10, my husband would tell them to give it to me instead.

@Victoria~ in the end, bonus son actually had more presents because my partner really wanted to make it a big Christmas. I should have written “I thought he complied” in the narration. My apologies. I was upset at this but also didn’t want to ruin anything. Bonus son had between 20-25 presents and newborn had about 10-15. It’s still a substantial sum to some people however, i was upset with the disparity in numbers, so i didn’t feel the need for my bonus son to open more gifts than he already had. Am i the asshole for that?

It depends on how old the bonus son is. If he was 3 and really wanted to do it then sure you could be the asshole. But if he’s 9 or something then idk why he would want to open a bunch of baby gifts anyways. But if I was you I would have had bonus son sit down in front of me and open them and show the baby while I held the baby. You already knew what they all were anyways and your newborn has absolutely no idea what y’all are doing or pissy about now lol.

@s a r a 🥀 it wasn’t about her or the husband tho. It was about her or the older sibling.

Basically my answer would have been you’re an asshole because this could have been a special moment between siblings.

@Cassie bonus son is 7 years old if that makes a difference. I hadn’t thought of that, having my bonus son assist me in opening presents. I’ll definitely consider it next time.

I'd pick my battle and that is one that just would not have been worth it to me. If there were certain gifts I wanted to open with my baby on my lap then I would but I'd let my son (bonus or not) open gifts with their infant sibling or for them since yk...that infant ain't opening shit 🤣 if anything we could have sat side by side and open them together. They're kids. They're excited to just open gifts. I do think you were doing too much here BUT...fresh baby means postpartum hormones are strong.

@C we pick our battles differently it appears. Though the infant isn’t really opening presents, the 7 year old still had several more toys than the newborn. To me, it was glutinous and selfish for the 7 year old to open everything! Hes not entitled to every toy! He should open what was deemed for him.

I don’t think you’re an asshole for that. Prob wouldve been best to discuss with partner before tho so he could be on the same page abt gift opening

I think them having the same amount of presents isn’t that important yet as a newborn won’t remember any of this and your bonus son is in the prime of being super excited about Christmas also he won’t have many years left of being this excited, I don’t think he should of been entitled to open any presents unless they’re his own but then again I personally would have got him involved anyway so he had a ‘together’ experience with his sibling on their first Christmas together.

I think by the step son helping to open and pass the presents it helps build their relationship and makes him feel included on something that probably felt quite difficult for him anyway. I understand you want it to be equal but they’re not. Your child is a newborn and doesn’t need as many things. As they get older the pile will grow but your stepsons will be less although will cost more in value. You’re both going to have to find a way to navigate that.

I think allowing him to open all of baby's presents sets a bad precedent tbh so I agree with you. I wouldn't be too bothered with the disparity at this stage, but I think later on it's important that they see each other as equals. Given that there's quite a big age gap, bonus son will no doubt get much more expensive presents that your LO in the not too distant future, so will need to learn that the NUMBER of presents isn't the be all and end all

This moment and the ones goinf forward are all special. My son was barely three and my daughter five months. Obviously the dynamics are different in yohr situation but I would like to think it wouldn't change much for me. I had a lot of the same feelings you did. I did let my son help open some of my daughters gifts but I did not let him open them for her. This year was really about the pictures and making it seem equal (havent decided what that means to me yet so went with number even though it meant individually wrapping bows I had already bought) but also to set the groundwork for the future. By next Christmas she is going to be able to do it mostly by herself and I don't want my son to think he can open them unless invited. Her things are hers. His things are his.

If it's a battle you wanted to pick then fair enough. I think bonus son is old enough to understand that those presents were for baby. My son is nearly 4 and we were happy for him to open his baby sister's presents if he asked to. I opened some, daddy opened some. She was 4 month at Christmas. She also had less than him, because she at her age it was about things she needed and she had no clue anyway. I guess slightly different for us is that she is our second child so we weren't buying many toys as we have a lot from our son. Personally I think you overreacted but you're entitled to your feelings, and if you feel this way that's ok

Not the asshole. Regardless of how old Bonus Son is, the gifts were not for him. I get that a newborn can't open presents by themselves, but as far as I'm concerned, all those "firsts" are just as much for the mama as they are for the baby. And I speak from experience when I say letting a kid open someone else's presents can set a dangerous precedent.

I think it’s weird to be in competition with a 7 year old on behave of your newborn regarding Christmas gifts. How many gifts does a newborn really need? And why is it important for you to open gifts you wrapped for a newborn baby???? My children’s first Christmas wasn’t about gifts. I just cherished the moment. Sounds like you got in the way of that.

@Haley 💚 no one is in competition with a 7 year old. I just don’t want to set the precedent that he can open his little brother toys bc they aren’t his. My bonus son is one of two children at my home. His little brother can’t play with his toys (which he had about 25 new ones in Christmas). So why does he need to play with or open additional toys that aren’t his? I could care less if another adult opened them, i just so happen to speak up at the time.

That wasn’t mentioned in the post so I didn’t know that was your intention. My step son was 8 years old when my first child had their first Christmas and he opened his gifts for him. He knows not to do that all the time. He’s 11 now and it’s never been an issue. I understand every child has different temperaments.

@Haley 💚 i didn’t post my intentions bc though it may have been my intention, my actions could have been wrong or misplaced. i wanted to know if i was being a asshole bc of what i did. Granted, i didn’t want a selfish and gluttonous bonus son, but was my choice in action appropriate? I’m still willing to accept the answer and correct my behavior IF i am, however, i never am in competition with a 7 year old for anything.

I get it. I was in your situation a few years ago so I know how special those first holidays are with your baby. I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole but I just wouldn’t care to share the moment with my stepson. He’s also with us 50/50 and was an only child for 8 years. I didn’t want to make it apparent that holidays were extra special bc of the new baby but also bc he was sharing it with us. It was my way to make him feel included more.

I guess the biggest thing is that the newborn wouldn’t remember it the bonus son will… you could have gone smaller for the newborn and that should not have been a big deal… you could have alternated helping with the opening of the gifts

@Amber smaller for my sons first Christmas as a first time mom ?

Christmas isn’t about presents for one, and yes he’s a baby. Christmas’s get bigger for once they get older and can remember.. but it’s for the memories.. are you pretending he made the cookies for Santa too ?

@Amber ABSOLUTELY SURELY DID PRETEND HE MADE COOKIES FOR SANTA! And had a Santa hat too. This was his very first Christmas. I guess I’m a mom who celebrates “firsts” to the fullest! These are very important moments to me. His first Christmas, New Years, Valentine’s Day. His first Juneteenth! It’ll be celebrated just like his first day of camp, or school, or loosing his first tooth! 🤷🏾‍♀️ i think my family just goes big for first bc you’ll NEVER have another first!

No you’ll never have another first Christmas for him but he kinda will have a first again tbh because he will have his FIRST Christmas he remembers. That’s gonna be the one that matters. The sucky part for us is we never know what those first memories will be because they’re random lol. I don’t think I remember a first Christmas until I was like 5. I don’t remember what I got, but I remember all of my family being together and the funny characters they were and how we looked forward to all being together and the good food we would have. My auntie playing Barbie’s with me. My papa giving me horsey rides. But none of my gifts stand out at all for many years. I’m sure your step son won’t remember this little tiff either. But the kid who’s making memories right now, is the one I would be going overboard for.