Is it okay to send your kid to bed without dinner as a punishment?
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No
So I don’t think it’s ever okay to use food as a punishment but doing it at 3 years old is fucking awful
definitely not
I think it's too harsh personally. Especially at that age. I also think that timeout is too long for that age. It also seems a bit overkill for what she did. She yelled (as most kids do at some point) so he yelled at her, put her in time out, AND sent her to bed without dinner? I try not to judge but dang that's a lot.
Ugh, my adoptive parent used to do that to me as a child, she also would give me significantly smaller portions than everyone else whenever she felt like I was acting up. Definitely not okay.
It’s absolutely not ok, Not in my book it ain’t anyways.
No. Food is a right. Not a privilege. You don't teach any lessons by withholding food. She's 3. Her timeouts cannot be 15mins. That was already really hard AND he sent her to bed without food? Hard no. I would have stepped in as her mother and made sure she ate and my partner and I would have had a private discussion after she went to bed.
Wayyyyy too harsh of a punishment for a 3 year old. And him yelling at her is only teaching her that yelling is an appropriate way to communicate her frustrations. He is literally modeling the behavior he doesn't want to see.
We don't use food as punishment. The only time food has been brought into the equation was when we have had a special treat (like donuts with breakfast) and a child acted up several times, received warnings, and then ultimately lost out on having the special treat. They were still fed a normal meal, just without the special treat. And then they had an opportunity to gain that treat back later or the next day!
Noooo dinner is a basic need
Basic bare minimum care should never be used as punishment. Food, clothes, water/electricity, roof, bed etc. those are not something to do for punishment. Would you want your child to get in a relationship and their partner take their food away? That is what is being taught. That it is okay to have it taken away. Yeah maybe not let them eat ice cream and donuts but no they need food. Give them a pb&j at least. Im in therapy for my relationship with food and this is something that happened to me as a kid and I have vivid memories at 3 years old laying in bed hungry and crying feeling so alone.
Nope! I wouldn't do that with a teen let alone a 3yo. 15 min seems too ling for 3yo too. I would go with 6 min/ until they're ready to come back and behave accordingly. No judgment. In the heat of the moment things can get out of hand but in the future I would def try to be on the same page and have an action plan ready 🙏🏻
Absolutely not! I get upset with my little one when he doesn't want to eat what I make so I'll tell him "you eat what I make or you don't eat." If he still resists I let him off the table and try again in an hour but never do I let him go to bed hungry. You need to set that boundary. Timeouts are okay. Why was she yelling at you for asking a simple question? Was it just a terrible 2 thing? Was she not hungry at the time? Yelling is never okay but she's tiny with big emotions and she hasn't learned to regulate them, however, your husband is an adult and should know how to regulate his.
I would never withhold food from my child, I feel guilty if my child skips meals or doesn’t want what’s made let alone using it as a form of punishment. Later down the road that can cause food trauma or eating disorders and in many states is a form of neglect!
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Should never deprive food as pushishment EVER. Same way I would never use bed as a punishment creates bad associations with these things. He needs a parenting course
NO 😤😡🤬
That's neglect 🙃
Absolutely not. She’s 3. Like whaaaat? 15 minutes in time out is ridiculously long for a 3 year old. My husband thinks I’m soft as hell on our son and he would still never do that. We’ve talked about letting our son go hungry in the sense that all he wants to eat is junk so basically if he’s not going to eat a good dinner that we cooked then we’re gonna stop giving in and giving him trash food like Mac n cheese or peanut butter n jelly or pizza rolls every night over and over. But I would never tell him he’s not aloud to have dinner because he “yelled at me.” Or as punishment for any reason. 3 year olds cannot be held to the same standard as adults or older children. But even then food shouldn’t be a punishment. After a 3 minute time out she should have been able to try again. I would try to get your husband to talk to someone he trusts or a professional or maybe like a parenting course about his expectations of that baby cuz I’m in shock.
Definitely not right
She’s 3 so still learning how to regulate emotions and learning impulse control. If he doesn’t want her to yell, why did he yell at her? Making her go to bed without food is cruel imo especially for someone so young who probably doesn’t understand why she can’t eat now and why it’s okay for her dad to yell when he’s upset but it’s not okay for her to do
No
No
No wtf? I didn’t even read your story before saying no. But after reading it how do you expect to fix yelling by yelling back at her?…
Yelling at her to teach her that yelling is wrong… isn’t going to work. Just saying.
Never use food as punishment!!! A child should never go hungry!
No I don't think this is effective punishment, The yelling has to stop The food which is a basic need and right should not be used as the punishment Trauma could be caused
No
Absolutely not, they need food
I wouldn’t recommend it, my parents did that to me growing up and now when I am upset angry etc I don’t eat naturally
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This is child abuse, food, shelter and water are basic needs. Depriving a helpless child at age 3 is disgustingly harsh imo. Food imo should never be used as punishment or reward as it creates eating disorders, bad eating habits, addictions etc
No it isn't
Please don't allow this to happen again. 15 minutes is too long for a 2 year old. It is normal for a 2 year old to have a tantrum, it is not normal for an adult to not provide food for their child. If you shout around or at a toddler they will shout back they do not have the same capacity and freedom of choice as adults, so please understand that they can become very fustrated. I'm sorry if this sounds judgemental. I know toddlers are so hard to deal with, but trust your instincts.
No, food isn’t a punishment
Absolutely not okay for her to go to bed hungry. Also she's being punished for getting frustrated? Not knowing what she wants? Being busy and not wanting to answer? That doesn't feel right to me either. Id be helping her coregulate the emotions and working out what she needs instead of basically sitting her on her own to wait cos she doesn't understand how to calm down (is literally not capable of it) and hasn't been shown.
wtf she’s only 3 years old!!!!!!!!!! So small
No thats neglect tbh, sorry for being blunt but my father did this to me as a child and teenager now I am no contact. Also proven that timeout isn’t effective because they can’t understand the concept and all she knows is she’s getting yelled at, going to bed hungry and not understanding why
@Chey Wynn same here… when I’m frustrated I can’t eat at all
Absolutely not. We would never deny any kid food. We’ve told my 2 year old that she can’t have candy/sweets but she’s allowed meals and healthy snacks and 15 minutes is way too long for timeout for a 3 year old
You’re not being soft at all. I carefully pick and choose my battles with my husband and this is something I would’ve chose to argue about if he didn’t see why that was cruel.
No, that's definitely not okay at all. 15 minute timeout is also far too long of a timeout long for her age. In my experience, timeouts aren't helpful at all, especially over a toddler yelling, this wasn't that serious, toddlers yell sometimes. In this situation some compassion, understanding and modeling the right behavior would've gone much further! Of course talking to her and letting her know her feelings are okay to have but her behavior of yelling was not okay. Punishment drives a wedge and rarely teaches kids, especially this young, anything.
No that’s abuse
You and your husband need counseling before you ruin your child 😔
OP did you show your husband these answers?
@Cassie I'm curious what the outcome was too
Definitely not okay, especially for a 3 year old. The general rule of thumb is they should only be in time out for a minute per year they are old so 3 minutes max time out and never with hold food