I’m overwhelmed with MIL

Set boundaries immediately, like now. Or they will all overstep and disrespect you

My partner's mum can be like that too and quite demanding, so I will also try to politely make it clear from the start that I am the mum and set the rules and pace, not her. That doesn't mean that she won't be included but exactly, I don't want to be pushed aside as she can be like that when she wants to have her way.

Remember you are the one that is pregnant and expecting a baby. You need to set boundaries. And your husband should too. He should be the one telling his mom to let you be and that she would be involved as long as you feel comfortable because you are the mom. If he doesn’t get involved then you should set up boundaries with him too. It’s not fair what you are going through and you have all the right to take the first step and make decisions when it comes to YOUR baby

Maybe say something like ‘it’s so sweet that you want to have things for the baby at your house for when we visit. But I just want to make sure we’re on the same page that baby won’t be going anywhere without us for at least the first (whatever time you think makes sense. 6 months? A year? Two years?).” I’m a first time mom and my daughter is 6 months old, and it’s actually been really nice to have a bouncer, changing table and bassinet at my parents’ house for when we visit so we don’t have to bring it all with us every time. But she’s never been there without me. My parents come to watch her at our house sometimes so we can nap or get things done. If MIL tries to come over unannounced I’d say ‘oh that’s sweet of you but this is not a good time. I’ll call you later today with some good times for a visit.’ Good luck!

I agree on setting boundaries now. But I will also be the devil advocate, I was feeling like you when pregnant and really wanted to have my space but I had complications after the birth, still recovering, my MIL has been with us since Christmas, and she has been so helpful. I didn't know what to expect having her at home with us for so long, but without her it will have been harder, so I'm really grateful at the end. But she is also only doing what we ask her to, never overstep and really here to help...make sure you are being heard by your MIL but I would accept any help to be honest

I’ve been in this exact situation! We had a good relationship before the pregnancy, but things got quite overwhelming during the pregnancy, and worse once baby was born! I agree with Nicole - set boundaries asap. I found it best being honest with what I wanted and didn’t want; eg if she wanted a pram for her house, she could have one because it doesn’t affect me (yes, she actually bought a whole pram for her house! Not that it’s ever been used, because why would it?!); but if she wanted an unsupervised day visit with my 6 week old (yes, she actually asked for this!), we politely said we currently have no desire to be away from our newborn, but we’ll let her know when we do. We still have no desire 6 months later. You decide what works for you and don’t feel bad or guilty for it

i think you should talk with your husband about establishing boundaries with family if you haven’t already. that way you both can be on the same page. if that conversation goes well.. i think everything will naturally work itself out from there. i hope things get better 🙏🏾💕.

Thank you all for the advice. I definitely plan to set boundaries. My husband plans to talk with her but I told him I would like to be present when the conversation takes places so we can all be on the same page.

@Marie thank you for sharing! I totally agree that I will need help but I should also add that I am very close with my mom and she stays close to us and if I needed help my own mom would be my go to person. I guess it’s an added layer for me that my MIL didn’t like me even up until we got married and now she’s being nice because she wants something so it’s going to be a little challenging to let my guard down and let her help.

I would suggest being there as you've said as they may talk your partner round and be persuasive to have what they want and he agrees. I've been in the position my exes family were overwhelming and being pushy through him towards me and I had enough. You'll find it a relief once it's been discussed and boundaries set - they may still try overstepping them but stay firm x

Have a discussion before baby arrives. If its been 8 months and she has these expectations that baby will stay with her or at her daughters and other stuff and it hasn't been addressed...she probably thinks everything is okay about what she's doing or expecting. Talk about expectations as far as visits go when baby is born. Boundaries for baby (sleepovers, kisses, any special firsts, outfits for holidays, food and feedings). Even share what you feel will make you feel supported in those first few months after birth son that they can try and show up for you.

Wish I set boundaries early as for us it only got worse and now we don’t talk to them xx

This issue is really more about you managing your guilt, tbh. There is a way to politely communicate here with a smile so that she doesn't feel threatened, but ultimately, after you've been polite, and she is STILL pushing, you have to deal with the fact that she will be upset and her emotions are not your problem. She is allowed to be upset and success in this scenario is not the absence of her upsetness. Success is you feeling good about what's happening. You've got to manage your guilt on that and accept that some amount of conflict will happen and your relationship with her WILL survive it. Ask open-ended questions of her so that you're not making assumptions by accident, and communicate your thoughts like this "We've thought about this a lot and [partner] and I have decided on X. So we will need you to do Y." Also pick your battles: identify the difference between a safety issue/impact to your routine versus just wanting things done your own way. If it's the latter, try to let it go.