Feel like I’m spiraling

Hey mama! You’re not alone. I’m sorry that the process so far has been traumatic for you. Is this your first baby? The first month was really stressful for me too. My baby wasn’t gaining enough weight due to being a lazy eater and I had issues with breastfeeding as it was taxing physically and mentally for me. I got to a point where I was feeling complete disconnected from my baby. Almost reached resentful. I felt like a cow. We ended up deciding to switch to formula for my health and it was the best decision we could have made for our family. The first time I fed him from the bottle and realized I wasn’t stressed anymore was amazing. He made it eye contact with me and my heart exploded with all the feelings of connection I felt I was missing. Breastfeeding triggered ppd for me and I’m still struggling with it, but I’m managing much better now. I’m not suggesting not trying to convince you to switch, just sharing my experience.

This is my first baby. Because breastfeeding wasn’t working so well I’ve been mostly pumping and giving her bottles. Recently I started trying to breastfeed once a day but every time I get so discouraged because she doesn’t get enough and I feel like the rest of the day we’re fighting sleep and not eating enough. Giving up breastfeeding completely is weighing so much on me mentally, makes me feel like a complete failure because I do enjoy the bonding time, but I don’t think it’s working for both of us, she’s not gaining weight

Also Mama, you only gave birth a month ago. Give yourself and your body some grace (easier said than done I know). Your body has just gone through an incredible change physically and hormonally. And that’s just labor and delivery. You were also pregnant for the majority of a year. Imagine judging someone for having a tumor that caused them to gain weight that they then had to have major surgery to remove? Would you expect them to be back to normal after a month? It’s easy to judge ourselves and be hyper critical. You could try reframing how you look at the situation. Imagine this all happened to a close friend and they were expressing to you all the things that you yourself are feeling. What would you say to them?

I felt the same about giving up breastfeeding! I felt like I was giving up on something essential to my baby. But what is essential to the baby is a happy and healthy mama and a full stomach. Whatever steps you need to take to get there are acceptable steps! No matter what

For now I’m still determined to keep pumping but it breaks my heart to give up breastfeeding now that we’ve fixed our latch problem. PP is an awful time. I feel like it’s never going to end

Then keep up what you’re doing! It’ll all get better with time. And if you feel like it’s not getting better, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Ppd is rough and easy to miss.

Also the cookies actually taste good too so bonus you get a treat and baby gets more milk. Win win! Curry and Oatmeal are other foods that help boost supply. You can message me if you want. I got the lactation cookies at Walmart in a box but you can also get them elsewhere

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement everyone 🩷🩷

Can you speak to an IBCLC? they will work with you to work towards your feeding goals <3 you're not failing your baby. Babies DO sleep all day, and it's okay even if you haven't bonded yet, it will come with time. I had no idea what I was doing at that stage and it was just pure survival but it gets so much easier.

Just coming to say, you are not alone, PP is hard and having those feelings is totally normal, you are not a failure! I gave up BF very quickly with my 1st as I realised it was compromising my mental health- as soon as we switched to Formula it was like a giant cloud lifted and I felt so much better. Fed is best, it's whatever works for you and your family. I would say don't put yourself under unnecessary pressure, your baby having a happy mum is more important! Xxx

Oats for breakfast! I’m BF and read about oats and now I have issues with leaking and oversupply. Also, you’re about to hit a real turning point with your baby. The first 6 weeks they are screaming mandrakes and you get no feedback from them. After 6/7 weeks you’ll see a smile and it honestly makes everyday so much easier. You can see that they like what you’re doing. I’m 12 weeks pp and it’s been night and day the last 5 weeks compared to the beginning. You’ll also get more sleep and feel human again! Best of luck xxx