Seriously too much to ask for….

People only do what you allow them to do

@🌻CJMuvaMayMay✨ how do I not allow it?! I’ve talked to him about it and I’ve told him it’s not acceptable. Then he turns it around on me. Any advice?

My husband always responds well to me telling him how I feel vs what he’s doing “wrong”. He’s a “relax first then chores” type of person where I am a “can’t relax until chores are done”’person haha and early in our parenthood I explained to him how I feel overstimulated and stressed when there’s additional stuff to do in the house after bedtime. He also knows it’s insane for one person to do all the house activities when we are both home 🤣 so that helps. Also, because he doesn’t want to see me stressed, it helped him understand the benefit of doing the reset while I do bedtime. He does this now and it’s bled over to other facets of our day to day so we can copilot. If one is doing pajamas, the other is cleaning the kitchen from dinner, etc.

@Paige I’ll try this- I’ve told him before my feelings and he says I’m being too sensitive and emotional 🤷🏼‍♀️ agreed can’t do it all…. He seems to think he does a lot but I don’t see or feel it

Give it a shot! Your feelings are totally valid and not too sensitive. It sounds like he might not be truly listening to what you’re saying. You might benefit from finding a different way/scenario to say it. Learning how he best receives information but also some of this responsibility is on him, as he must have the desire to assist in this way. Also I know for my household, there’s many things my husband does that I just literally never have to do or worry about and that perspective blesses me. Like if something breaks down I literally just tell him, whether it is house or cars. He does our grocery shopping. He makes sure our kindergartener has snacks for school. He makes sure we are safe and secure at all times. He does my heavy lifting lol Just sharing because sometimes it’s simple to think your partner doesn’t do a lot but they could actually be doing plenty. Even with all my husband does it’s still important we take inventory on our mental batteries & assist one another

I'd just say, "do you want to put get baby ready for bed and put them down or do you want to clean the kitchen and pick up the toys?"

@C I totally would but baby is EBF so I have to put her to bed

How about giving him a choice of do you want to clean the kitchen or tidy the toys. Or what happens if you straight up ask him to clean and tidy while you're putting LO to bed so you can both enjoy the break together afterwards? Take emotion out the picture and hit him with logic instead if he doesn't respond well to a conversation about how it makes you feel. I have to do a bit of a combination with my OH 😅 he does generally respond well if I explain how xyz makes me feel but sometimes he doesn't get it. The choice thing works well if I want something done there and then but explaining the logic works better if I want lasting change from him (eg not leaving dirty dishes next to the dishwasher when it's empty 🙄)

@🌻CJMuvaMayMay✨ I'm guessing you also blame victims when they're ra**ed or sexually assaulted. 🙄

Would he be open to doing a chore chart? That way he can physically see what you would like him to help with.

@Sophie so this is actually what I did last night- he took living room (play area) and I took kitchen- he just had to do it before 9am when baby and I wake up- WASN’T DONE. I come out and he’s like Oh. I just started to clean up 🙄🙄🙄🙄 I handed over baby and took a shower. Gonna just do it myself when i get dressed. His idea of “cleaning/organizing the toys” is pushing them into a corner or dumping them in a bin 🙄🙄🙄

@Breaha I did think of this- he laughed but I might actually do one to show him how much I do in a week

Hopefully that helps. But honestly he sounds like an ass.