How would you feel about this?

I'd just say "wow that's unlucky! My little one is great at eating whole apples". Inside I'd be fuming because that's so rude!

Maybe trying to give advice (raw apple is the no.1 choking hazard for toddlers, I believe) but doing it in a rude and unhelpful way! Hope you're okay - it's not nice when people speak to us like that when we're just doing our best. x

I mean seems much safer then being able to shove a whole slice down their throats xx

I don’t think she meant bad. People communicate in so many different ways and her way was a bit rude for you. I am not English and I remember when I first came to UK people thought I was rude because I would say things the way I would tell them in my language. I would just be polite and that’s it! You know your child better anyway.

I'd say she's trying to give advice but did it poorly. Apples are a big choking hazard no matter if it's whole, sliced, or even peeled so she's not completely wrong

She’s probably just a bit shocked, especially if she did weaning in a different way. Maybe it’s like a “wow I don’t feel confident enough to give my little one a whole apple”

Probably not malicious but just said in a bad way. I’d probably be annoyed too but I doubt it was meant to offend and possibly just wanted to try and give you advice without saying as much. But of course you are watching a 20m old eat so just ignore it x

I get this a lot with some of the foods I let my toddler eat. I believe they are doing their best to provide advice but just don’t know how to in an acceptable way. Some moms are just awkward. I just respond with thank you for your advice my son is actually a really great eater so I know what he can eat safely & I am right here if anything happens.

My son will be 2 years old and has been eating whole apples for a few months now as that’s how he prefers it. I am always with him when he eats it and supervise him carefully. People really need to mind their business sometimes.

I would tell her: Wow, really? How scary. Actually this is one of the safest way to offer apples to young children. To me it doesn't sound like criticism. Apples are the main choking hazard for children even at school age. If she nearly died for it, I assure you she is more aware than the average mum of the risks and yes, she may be trying to use it as a conversation starter.

@Liv I agree. It seems like because of what happened to her as a child she carries extra anxiety over this, and just gave a panicked response rather than being able to stay calm

My 18 month old twin with 4 teeth total eats apples just fine. I'd actually be really pissed off sorry to disagree with most but that doesn't in anyway sound like she is offering advice, it's not even passive aggressive it's straight up in your face judgment. I'd reply 'well you can choke on water so shall I let my kid go thirsty too?' Solid starts advices whole apples for 18-24 month olds 🤦🏻‍♀️

Trying to give advice but should be more respectful of how she said it. You know your child better then anyone else. They surprise you what they can do.

She's trying to criticize you in a way you can't argue back to because you'd be awful for telling her anything since she claimed she nearly died. She probably didn't but some people LOVE doing this. It's like an orgasmic way of putting someone else down and feeling like they won.

Thanks for the perspectives. My initial reaction was to be quite annoyed because I wouldn’t dream of commenting on what another mum chooses to feed their child to their face, unless it was something like ‘oh wow I wish my daughter would try/eat x/y/z’. I’d be more inclined to accept it as advice if we’d already been talking, or it was part of a general conversation, but literally to spot it and then come and make a comment feels more like criticism to me. And agree that kids will choke on literally anything (as can adults 🤷‍♀️) so if I know I’m happy for my daughter to eat it then I’m going to let her eat it!

@Zainab🗝️ this is exactly how it felt! Couldn’t have put it better myself.

@Charlotte I am that person who if I over heard that I would have side eyed and said well that's not a socially appropriate way to start a conversation. 😆

@Charlotte @Zainab🗝️ Such people do exist, but you do come back at them by showing that what they said doesn't affect you and that you are OK with what you are doing. If I get the sense that she is really trying to annoy me, I would cut the conversation and leave her there or make plenty of questions about it... Oh, how old were you? Do you still remember that moment? Who rescued you? Was it your mum who gave you the apple?

@Maggie her caregiver at the time probably told her when she was older, as a story of something scary that had once happened to her

She could have said it in a more polite manner

Apples are a big choking hazard, my 5yr old actually choked on an apple and luckily I was with her as she couldn't make a sound, so I've not let my 20m old have any apple yet!

@Maggie it all comes down to their intention really, which is impossible to know. They could’ve felt genuinely concerned about the child potentially choking and reacted that way out of panic, or they could’ve been trying to make OP feel like they were being stupid and neglectful. Hopefully it’s the former, but I’d certainly be feeling a bit wary of them after this

She could be trying to give advice but to me, whenever advice starts with "I would never" it's usually more of a criticism. Especially with an apple, I've never heard of a kid almost dying from an apple so that seems like a not common experience so how would you have even thought of that? If she just wanted to be helpful she probably wouldn't have started by saying she would never do it.

I’d tell her to go fuck her self

I like to see the best in people so I’d guess she’s trying to be helpful and didn’t word it very well. But as someone mentioned above, solid starts advise you can serve whole apples from 18 months and if you’re supervising I don’t see what the problem is. It definitely seems like people have different comfort levels around feeding little ones, my parents freak out about BLW!

Based on the word choice it sounds condescending. My nine month old is picking up apples and biting them and chewing them. Ofc with my supervision but yea I think these babies are a lot smarter and more capable than we give them credit for

I never knew Apple was a choking hazard for toddlers. I’ve given him son apples multiple times. I’m glad I came across this post.

Just have to be careful. All food is a choking hazard, but everything can be taught. If your little can chew fine then it’s not an issue at all. Though at 20 months old neither of my toddlers can chew apples without me softening it first, they would spit them out. they just don’t like the texture. But my 3 years old daughter can eat an apple 🍎 as a whole just fine now. Just keep an eye on them while they’re having it, it will be fine. People like to justify themselves that they’re just “telling you the facts”, but really it’s just based on statistics, and I always hate statistics because it doesn’t always represent the true interpretation of anything, people can manipulate data to fit their agenda and narrative. As a Maths geek, that’s my opinion on the matter. People will go straight for your head and I don’t know really know why. I’d say, as long as you supervise them closely, and they can eat it with no issues, it’ll be fine.

@Heather that’s so scary, thank goodness you were with her! I think this is what many people don’t realise, that choking is silent and if you don’t have eyes on your child you will have no idea that they cannot breathe. I’m so glad your daughter is ok!!

Sounds judgy to me. I find whole apples to be safer than sliced. My 2 year old tends to try to shove the whole slice in her mouth but when I give her a whole apple she takes small bites.

@Molly saaame, my daughter is this way too. The smaller the food, the more likely she doesn’t chew it. She’s not even 20 months and she eats apple well, she actually spits out the skin and I always watch her anyways

While badly delivered advice, I think she was just concerned

Doesn’t feel like an advice to me. Talking bout her experience and how she “won’t ever do it for her kids” sounds like it’s a judgement and her own personal trauma. Plus, we know our kids better, some kids know how to chew early one while there’s others who still choke at 5. It’s not much to do with the food, but the child ability

But she was saying I won't do that for my kids because I almost died as a kid from an apple like that. Not you shouldn't do that you for your kid because of my experiences

I’d giggle and say okay then walk away because what a weird thing to say

That's kind of where I'm coming from is because of her experiences. She doesn't do it that way for her kids. But there's context we don't have like body language tone like eyes. So there's a lot of missing information also.

I think she’s giving advice but saying it not great. It’s definitely possible to be a bad thing to have a whole Apple. But you also know your child.

@Melissa a sentence starting 'I wouldn't do that for my kid' can't possibly be followed with advice.

Trying to be helpful, delivery of that message needs work

Like, my daughter was 13 months and had her first whole apple. My daughter wouldn't eat anything cut up. She would only eat it while it was in one piece. Until she was able to safely learn how to cut her own food, then she cuts up her food and eats it like that. But yeah. You can pretty much give a child anything as long as you're attentive and watching how they're consuming it to make sure nothing goes wrong.

@Mou And my last comment I said there's a bunch of context missing here that we don't have. We have one side of a story + I also touched on the point that she's saying I wouldn't do that for my kid. Not you shouldn't do that for your kid because of her experience . I believe it should be taken with a grain of salt and she can either accept the advice however presented even though it was presented poorly. I also touched on that. Or she can completely ignore it. It is her choice and I am not on this app to argue or create a fuss. I simply stated my thoughts on the matter. You are more than welcome to disagree but I am not going to argue who's right and who is wrong because there's a lot of information missing and it's not my place to judge right and wrong for another mother. I hope you have a great day 💓