To the OP of ‘am I a bad mum’

So what is a bad mom to u then ? Cause basically what I get from this if u do anything that’s totally out of pocket doesn’t make u a bad mom. So if I pinch my child every time cause she keeps crying it doesn’t make me a bad mom I was just frustrated ?

@Jody a bad mum is someone who abuses their child and doesn’t care. The OP made a post suggesting she badly reacted once - it’s not a repetitive act and also does care as she’s reflected about.

@Elise everyone deals with things differently, everyone is at different levels of stress or mental health. I always said I would never react poorly to my children but I did when I had a mental breakdown, you can’t always predict how you will deal with certain situations if you are experiencing mental health conditions and it’s very easy to say you won’t do something if you’re in the right frame of mind.

If this mum keeps her child warm, fed, clean, gives her child endless love, gives her child education, gives affection to her child, spoils her child, supports her child through out the child’s life ect but makes this one mistake when she was going through a tough time and reflected on it afterwards, you would label her as a ‘bad mum’ forever!?

Think I've missed something again

Stress and “how your mental health is” isn’t an excuse. I’m sorry, it’s just not. Leave them somewhere safe and walk away.

@Emilie we’ll agree to disagree, we all make mistakes as humans and are much more likely to make them with mental health issues.

Okay I get that but even if I’m frustrated asf I don’t just put a cloth over the baby’s face. That’s just no. There’s no possible excuse for a person to that. Yes she realize it was bad but that doesn’t make her the best mom in my eyes.

@Jody I agree - it doesn’t make her the best mum, but I would not label her as a ‘bad mum’ for the rest of eternity for one mistake as long as she meets the child’s care needs in all other ways continuously through out the child’s life.

That wasn’t a mistake tho, that was intentional. And honestly I wouldn’t trust her around my baby. My little girl can be a little annoying sometimes especially during diaper changes cause she rolls a lot so I can’t imagine what she’d do to her out of frustration. With kids u have to have patience , she could’ve reacted differently, what if the baby had suffocated from that , would it still be considered a mistake and not label her as a bad mom ? Idk I guess we just have diff views on this and that’s okay

@Jody yeah we do and as you said that is okay, would be boring if everyone had the same views! agree to disagree 👍🏼

I miss that post so I’m not going to comment specifically on that, but I would not judge someone by one mistake they did ( obviously with a limit, no life in danger) but about what you described she doesn’t sound as a bad mom, it was a weak/ stressful moment and she realized and I’m sure she learned from that. I get overwhelmed too and I have to leave the room to get a deep breath, that breaks my heart to listen her crying but in that moment it’s the only thing I can do for both of us. As long as she understands the mistakes she is not a bad mom.

To be fair the options werent helpful. I believe they were something like “I’ve done this” “I haven’t done this but it’s okay” “You’re a bad mom” And the last one may have been “comment” not sure. Anyway when I read it I was thinking she’s not a bad mom but that’s absolutely not okay and if she doesn’t get help and do better for her child then she is a bad mom. Maybe other people were thinking similarly? When the options are “that’s okay” or “you’re a bad mom” I think people are more likely to choose the latter simply because what she did isnt okay

@Victoria~ that’s a fair point! She kind of shot herself in the foot with the options and could have worded them a lot better and she would have received a better response. Although I read the comments and it was full of mum shaming saying ‘you should be ashamed/ disgusted with yourself’. I don’t think multiple messages shaming her wasn’t fair. She was aware she made a mistake, she was vulnerable and opened up about it and reflected on her actions to be completely shot down. Personally I think it was a bit strong. I don’t think you can define someone as a bad mum for reflecting on her actions of one mistake as long as she’s meeting all her child’s care needs and she realises she’s made a mistake and gets help before it gets worse. If she doesn’t get help and continues to do these actions continually then yes, that would be classed as irresponsible and would therefore be a bad mum.

This is the same as parents who shove their kids in a corner, spank them etc. Be the ADULT and walk away. They are a child and still learning. Otherwise you’ll find yourself in a nursing home at 40. There is a reason I am no contact with my Dad because he didn’t want to be an adult and wanted to be abusive instead

@Sarah first of all sorry to hear about your experience. People that use discipline with smacking/spanking have made a conscious decision that that is how they will raise their children, I think reacting once in the heat of the moment is a different situation. In terms of the nursing home, I would never expect my children to look after me if I need support later in my life, that’s not their responsibility. But that’s a different story 👍🏼

I put "I'm still judging," but I do take that back. I'm about a 7 on a patience level and I've still found days where my daughter has pushed all the buttons. I could react in a negative way if I get caught up in the moment, same with her I'm guessing. If she acknowledged it and now knows it's bad to do and to work on things within herself, then yes, not a bad mom in my eyes

The only option the post left was either “your a bad mum” or “other” I think people’s knee jerk reaction is to click anything other than “it’s okay” or “I’ve done this”

I haven’t seen that post but I agree that doesn’t make her a bad mum. Because there’s a lot more things that makes a mum a mum, and showing aggression from time to time doesn’t take the good side of her being a mum. I have shown aggression towards my child and I regret it so bad everytime. It gets too much for me and I really do walk away from my child but she literally follows me around and cries even louder when I leave her in the room. I don’t think I’m the best mum but I would never call a mum bad unless she purposely abuses her child constantly, or doesn’t attend to their needs. Especially young mums, mental health is a problem and requires attention

Am I the only one here who plays peekaboo with their kid by throwing a cloth like a muslin cloth over their head for a second or two? 😂😂 I know this post is questioning the other one and I’ve not seen that post so won’t comment but this was the first thought in my head. My child is one and she’s not suffocating or anything in fact she loves it when I do that. If I throw a cloth over my kid’s head she’ll take it off 😂 it’s not like it’s a 2mx2m duvet that’s so heavy and huge she can’t get out of it. And it’s not like that mom tied it around her kids head. So in my opinion it’s ok, at least she realised she did it out of anger and can fix her attitude towards her kids tantrums 🤷🏽‍♀️