Anxiety from husband putting baby to bed

I feel you. I don’t turn the monitor on when my boyfriend puts our son to sleep. He does nothing wrong, just much different from me. He’s 1 now, and for months I didn’t want him putting him to sleep. I told myself that he is his daddy. And if he needs help he will ask. If not he will get him to sleep.

This is something I have to remind myself with everything!! He is his daddy. And he has a say in how things are done. It’s hard when I’m a strong willed person who wants everything done my way. But I feel I have gotten a lot better over the past few months!

Hahaha I really know that feeling, I think we always want to see everything perfect as we do it, when I hire cleaning service to my apartment, I really feel anxious about how they do the job its not perfect for me hahaha, but I am trying to calm down slowly 😅

I get this but I’ve been told if you criticize a lot of how they parent & help out in the beginning, they will get burnt out and quit trying all together. I never want my husband to feel inadequate or insecure as a father and I definitely don’t want him to stop parenting with me so I’m trying to be very careful of my anxiety getting the best of me and making comments. We came to the conclusion that if I see anything harmful/dangerous/unhealthy that he’s doing, I can (and should) say something to inform him and he will change it. If it’s none of those things and just “different” from how I do things, then I should not say anything and let him be

Yes I do also

yeah exactly that’s why I bit my tongue the entire time lol. I try to always bring up any suggestions I have at a later time, not in the moment, especially if baby is already crying. Like over dinner I’ll casually mention “i noticed he likes this” or tell a cute story about what he did. It seems to work well. We both do it, he tells me things that have worked for him too. That way no one feels criticized or overwhelmed. But man is it hard to keep quiet sometimes! I gotta leave the room oftentimes, the mom anxiety is real

Update though he slept for 6 hours so dad did great 🙏🏼

yesss I feel the same way with a lot of things too. A childhood best friend of mine who already has two kids told me that one of the first things you learn as a parent is giving up control of how everything will go…she was right!

I’m leaving my LO with my husband for the first extended period of time alone this weekend so I can have a break and get brunch with friends. I feel like I have to write instructions for him. And I feel the same way when I watch him with her. I’ve tried to just give suggestions. If I know she is clean and fed but she is crying I suggest maybe she doesn’t like the position he is holding her.

You’re not alone

It’s just different for me. He gets frustrated when it’s taking 10-15min and I’m like my dude…it can’t take 3-4 attempts and like a whole hour to get her down some nights.

Yup. I feel the same way too sometimes. But, he is his dad and he figures it out. I usually let him do the things his way and if I notice something off, I gently say something like “hey, if you want to try next time do xyz. The baby likes it” or “i like to do xyz because it helps/ i think its easier”. To me I feel like it allows my husband to do things his way, but also I get some input on the way it goes. He usually tries my suggestion but I learned to accept that he will do things differently than me, and that’s ok! As long as baby is good, I am ok with him doing things his own way.
Now, if you have a bedtime routine, you should probably discuss it with him so that it stays a routine.

i understand this so much! With my husband, I have learned over the years that it’s not about what you tell him, but more HOW you tell him. Thats why I let him do his thing, and then make a gentle suggestion for next time. Sometimes he listens, sometimes he doesn’t, but he is definitely more receptive when I don’t throw it in his face that he’s doing it “wrong”.