😞😞😞

I am struggling with PPD and not a single person in my life has noticed. I feel like I could just slip away and no one would realize. I had a traumatic birth at the end of October. My baby was supposed to be born November 2nd. Anywho, I was severely injured during my delivery and my recovery has been really rough. I've gone to doctors and they've run tests that “come back” as positive and they tell me they can't find whats wrong. But I go numb in my legs and feet a lot and my spine and body are in chronic pain. I start PT in a few days after months of this pain but I'm not optimistic about feeling better when its over. This has led to me not being able to return to normal. Cooking, cleaning, holding the baby for a long period of time all result in me being in unexplainable pain. I try to do small tasks like loading and unloading the dishwasher. Taking clothes that he washed out of the dryer and folding them. Restocking the babies area with diapers and wipes and making sure her clothes are folded and put away, cooking small meals that don't require me to stand hours on end. I don't sleep and I don't have much of an appetite. I eat only once a day - maybe because I know I need to. I'm slowly watching my husband become irritated with me and trying to push me to do more. But he doesn't understand that I lay in pain in bed all night while he sleeps. By the time I do dose off the baby wakes up to eat. He sleeps right through her crying and if he does wake up, I end up having to get up because he doesn't do anything quietly or he needs me to tell him where something is. I also care for her all day while he works. Her nap cycles are shorter and more random (Not falling asleep immediately after a bottle) so I don't really get a nap stretch in during the day anymore. I'm so sleep deprived my eyes have started twitching uncontrollably. I've even lost a couple pounds. 😅 I used to be super vocal about my pain but after 3 months I'm tired of feeling like I whining so I just deal with it in silence. I'm in the process of starting therapy. But tonight I just feel like I'm under a pile of bricks. If you stayed this long. Thank you. I'm just feeling really low and its jumping me rn.