Anyone already one and done?

I’m an only child and before I had my 14mo I always wanted three kids. My husband is one of two and wanted at least two. But I struggled with postnatal depression and anxiety and only found the best treatment when my daughter was a year old. She was also a NICU baby and I missed her first feed and change and didn’t hold her till hours after she was born. I guess I’m worried that I’ll have a different relationship with another child if they don’t need to stay in hospital and can come home right away. And my daughter is an “easy baby” but I still really struggled, so I’m worried I wouldn’t be able to cope with another, especially while having my daughter to look after. We’re also going to be moving in the next couple years, probably a ways away where we can afford the space we need, which means we’ll have no help nearby. But I also don’t want my daughter to be lonely growing up. I wasn’t: I was relieved I didn’t have siblings 😂 but now as my parents are getting older and live in another country I’m anxious about all their care falling on me. I told my husband that I want any other baby to be a bonus. We’re both so happy with our daughter and can’t imagine anyone as perfect and lovely 🥰 but I’m still conflicted and don’t want to close up shop for good yet. I’m just not sure I can do this again! 😞

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I had a difficult pregnancy and also had a NICU baby. I'm still unsure if I had PPD as we had a lot happen during that time that what I was feeling was to be expected but it was still really hard. Sometimes I think I'd love another one, just one more so my son can have a sibling. Especially since he was meant to have one but we was robbed of it. But then I don't think I could deal with the anxiety of pregnancy again or the sleep deprivation all over again, especially the sleep deprivation as that made me worse lol

@Megan I’m sorry for what you went through ❤️ I had a loss right before I got pregnant so my pregnancy was also very anxious. I guess in some ways I feel at peace because I technically had two pregnancies and maybe think the first wasn’t meant to be 💔 but I also think I won’t be a good mum if I’m struggling with anxiety and depression with another baby. It’s so tough to make up my mind!

I don't think that's true, I think you'd still be a good mom. If I was to consider getting pregnant again I'd definitely be seeing my therapist more and I think I'd be kinder to myself. I barely remember the first month of my son's life because I was in such a bad way but I do remember at the time thinking my son deserved better but that's not true, I'm a great mom I was just going through a lot and you have to remember that. Also another thing to think about as I know in your post you mentioned what's making you consider having another because now your parents are older and their care falling on you - you could have had a sibling like my partner's brother who doesn't give a shit about his parents and only shows up at Christmas for his gifts so there's that lol. Whatever you decide I'm sure it'll all work out, just remember to be kind to yourself ❤️ Also I'm sorry for your loss 🥺

I said it from the moment she was born. But ive been on my own since 5 months pregnant and wont trust any guy anymore. Having 1 child is definitely not a bad thing! You can completely focus on her and if it happens, it happens. I feel guilty towards my daughter since my exes side of the family completely disappeared and my family live in another country aswell. But you can still be everything your daughter needs 🩷

Definitely one and done over here! I had a traumatic birth experience and can’t imagine giving birth again, I’d be so anxious about it. I always imagined we’d have 2 as both my husband and I have one sibling each but now firmly in one and done ☺️ Hoping our baby will have some cousins in due course and also going to encourage friendships as he gets older

I’m definitely one and done here!

I was 99% sure I was one and done but starting to think seriously about another. I’m an only child, my husband has a sister but they aren’t close and she is highly unlikely to have children so LO isn’t going to have cousins. I’m also aware of the pressure I feel as an only child as my parents get older. If we did have a second child we would do our best to help them build and maintain a positive relationship (unlike what has happened with my sister in law, as my in laws played a part in that) but recognise that sometimes things don’t play out in the way you hope or expect.

I could have written this! I’m an only child and wanted 2+ and had a NICU baby which has turned into a beautiful and often challenging baby, which made me question if I could handle a second. I look at it like this are you more likely to regret having a second child or regret not having another one… Also to your point about care, I’m in that position as an only child and care has fallen on me at an early age as my Mum developed a spinal cord injury. The pressure is unreal without the support of a sibling or other family, so to me, rather than the loneliness concern, the inability to share the care of a possibly ill and then later ageing parents are tough. Whatever you decide it will be right for you and your family ❤️

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