Stuck

I’ve heard that telling a child to stop crying is bad for them in the long term for all sorts of reasons. But I’m curious what the alternative is. My 3.5 year old cries every single day, multiple times a day over things that aren’t worth crying over. Even to a toddler they’re not worth crying over. It borders on whinging. Sometimes it’ll be because I didn’t hold her hand going down the stairs even though I’ve told her so many times and explained so many times that I can’t always hold her hand if I’m carrying things. Yet this will turn into a meltdown sometimes. After weeks of this, you can’t help but just say things like stop crying, there’s no need to cry over this. Am I damaging my child by constantly asking her to please stop with the constant whinging and crying over small things?? The alternative is to be late for school if we let her cry, or to have to listen to crying for 20 minutes which I can’t do. I’m so confused as to how to just stop her crying so so often!!!

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Side note; it’s been like this since she was 18 months old so it’s been a long time of listening to whinging and crying nearly every day. I’m not even exaggerating here

you could ask her what is wrong. try redirecting her with something exciting or different. Instead of telling her to stop crying or whinging, ask her if she would like a cuddle. It’s rough but you have to speak to them openly. Explain to her in ways she will understand or make her feel involved. She may be feeling scared to walk down the stairs by herself. I usually go through the steps of asking what is the matter and bringing it as a way of being able to explain why “i know you wanted mummy to hold your hand down the stairs but mummy’s hands were full. Next time do you want to help mummy carry some things down the stairs instead?” - then asking if they would like a cuddle - then redirecting. If you go through the steps and it doesn’t work thats when i would back off and allow her to feel her emotions. If she goes on for longer then 10 minutes that’s when i would tell her that it is enough.

(i’m not perfect this is just what i do with my girl plus with the knowledge of being a qualified early childhood educator)

There’s a independent paradox at this age where they want to be independent it still very much need your help, and want it at the same time and it’s super frustrating for them and can result in lots of meltdowns. Honestly just keeping calm, being understanding and offering choices for everything you think may end in tears e.g. want to hold my hand or banister down the stairs? Understanding why something may be upsetting for her may be a better approach rather than stop crying, I know I hate it If ive been told that especially if they haven’t asked why I’m crying in the first place! Sometimes just riding the wave and saying yeah that is sad helps shorten the time of it and then they are up and on to next thing Toddlers live in the moment and that heighten things too ❤️

I’ve tried this. We’ve literally tried everything and nothing works. Just now I’ve had to shout STOP CRYING yet again. It’s the only thing that makes her stop now. Every single morning before school she cries about something. Today it’s because she didn’t want her hair up. So we took it down and she’s still not happy. I feel like there’s something deeply wrong here. I hate mornings, I hate being with her. I just want to leave her at school so I don’t have to see her miserable face. I can’t stand being her mum sometimes. I’m just so sad