Help! My mom is disappointed by how much time we spend together
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@Jessie It seems like she was expecting to be over every day. So I can see why she’s disappointed! But I’m not the type of person that can do that, yk?
3 hrs 2-3 times a week, sounds more than enough.
@Jasmine I’m trying to fit as much as I can!! It’s hard bc she doesn’t know anyone else here & I’m the only support system
Every other day is kinda crazy in my opinion. To me those are super unreasonable expectations. That’s not on you. That’s on her. Boundaries you know. Try not to feel bad.
i wouldn’t feel bad at all. that’s the most often i’ve heard of anyone’s mom visiting them! it seems like you’re doing all that you can to make it work and she should appreciate how much time you do have with her
Could you help her find community resources to do on days she's not with you? Maybe something at the library or community center.
To me 2-3 days a week seems good enough. If you would also like to increase the time you guys spend with her, you could make her part of your routine at another time of the day, like doing school pick up time and having lunch together. If you don't want to fit in more time together, help her find alternatives to build a social life. Elderly people tend to suffer from loneliness and if she just moved to be closer to you, she is certainly missing some of that.
I would say that’s a lot. Did you ask her to move closer to you? Or was it all her decision? How far was she before?
It sounds like she’s lonely and needs to find things to fulfill her own life and not just rely on you.
Thats a lot for a week . But if you and kids want to spend more time , maybe you can leave only kids at her place for couple of hours and you do your own gym or grocery or just chill at some other place . Depends if your mother can manage kids by her own .
How much more time is she talking ? 🤨 is it 2-3 times every week ? That’s a lot but then again I’m not a family person so idk. I
If it was my mum I’d be seeing her less tbh that sounds like a lot already!
Maybe the right solution is helping her find other hobbies and make other friends to help fill up her schedule. That and or recruiting her to help you with the other time consuming things in your life like cleaning house and running errands. Possibly send the kids to her one day a week to have time for yourself
@Jessie Thanks you 💗 Keeping boundaries is so hard!!
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@Dana Lew I’ve offered several times! But she says she’s not interested or that it’s too hard to do alone. We have a very active community so there’s tons of options I wish she’d take advantage of
@𝔾𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕝𝕖 I’ve definitely tried! I’ve offered to find community activities & I’ve also offered to set her up with older friends of mine. I wouldn’t mind seeing her more but when I offer to make adjustments she says she doesn’t want me to change anything. I’m also the one who does 100% of the inviting & planning so it gets hard
@Hollie She always said she wanted to live near us & I told her I’d absolutely love her to be close! She was a two hour plane ride before. I think the problem is she expected to be over all day every day. And unfortunately I can’t accommodate that
@Karen Ive offered to help her find things! But she either declines or says it’s too hard. But you’re right in that it’s hard to be her only support
2-3 times a week is a lot!! I’ve never seen anyone that much except my husband. I wouldn’t feel bad.