How do I properly handle a decrease in intimacy in my relationship?

We used to have sex at least once every day. We had twins last July and even after that for a couple of months we still were doing it daily. Now it’s about 1-2 times per week. I believe it’s a combination of the obvious- being tired, and also we’ve been arguing almost every day. Everything else is pretty much the same as far as how we interact with each other and love on each other. I recently have been making changes to improve my mood and things so I don’t cause arguments but it’s only day 1. I also have been havng extreme issues with accepting my post pregnancy body and I know that’s having a huge impact on things and I feel like he’s just not attracted to me anymore even tho he will insist to his grave that’s not the case. I can’t help but think our relationship is coming to an end but I want to try to stay positive.

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The first year with a newborn (in your case twins) is the hardest! Don’t chalk it up just yet that the relationship is coming to an end. You are both finding your new normals and your routines have dramatically changed since having babies. You guys will be okay you just have to communicate and work together!

He might want you to sexually take command . Does he work ? Leave a note on the door for him, inviting him to a sex date. Get some natural melatonin or other sleep induce herbs for the baby . Get a bottle, some candles, perfume, cook a meal. Set the mood. Real men are leaders but they can be like little jealous children who want attention, just like a toddler

@Victoria Saint-Brice this is great advice except for the melatonin. Melatonin isn't recommended for kids under 5

@Raqi it may not be recommended but people do it all the time . I did it for my child and she's better than fine. Every one is different .

Also , are you breastfeeding??

Is it a decrease in sex or all intimacy? If it's all intimacy yall need to have a sit down conversation and discuss ways you both want to work on the intimacy. Does this mean more dates, more cuddling, more intentional time together? Sex isn't the only form of intimacy nor should it be.

@Heather it’s just a decrease in sex

@Victoria Saint-Brice not breastfeeding :)

Have you sat him down and asked for more sex?

@Heather yes but tbh I’m on the same boat as him I don’t have the same drive as I did it honestly just sucks that it’s like this it makes Me feel like there something wrong with our relationship but I really think it’s just a funk. I feel like I need to accept it for now

It could just be a funk. All relationships go through highs abd lows. For me the lowest low we went through was both of our long sex free times which the first was 6 months and the worst one was 2 years ago 8 months. Its so hard being in the space. I cried a lot. We had many conversations and it boiled down to that he had no time to be a husband in that way and still have energy for work, college, and our 3 kids. But I still have this fear that we are going to stop having sex again. I started demanding therapy to fix our issues.

@Heather thank you heather 🥲❣️

Almost every couple I know including myself went through this or something similar in the first year after having children. So don’t be too hard on yourself, take time to work on things, it will eventually get better.

@Pixie thank you so much

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