Is it fair for my husband to call me a cunt?

Him calling you that is definitely not okay at all. That’s so disrespectful. I would lose my sh*t if my partner ever called me that. Did you ask him to do the dishes? Or were you just expecting him to do them while you were gone?

@Keilie I forgot to mention it to him but like why should I have to? It’s common sense. We all live here, you see something just do it, why is it me that has to carry the mental load on his part as well? He started going on about how he carries all the financial burden and that he can be a dick about it but he isn’t being a dick about it and that he never complains about how I don’t bring in income to stay home to look after our baby. It’s just so so frustrating to me.

Men are literally clueless sometimes. I feel like they need clear instructions and sometimes a reason why. If you don't have a dish washer, you can get a portable one. Also get a robot vacuum+mop. Get an electric scrubber and use disposable plates. Use his money to make your life easier.

He’s wfh done by 1. I get relaxation or destressing but knowing xyz has to be done is insane to me and one of our biggest issues. I can’t relax knowing things have to be done in order for our daily lives to continue. Thankfully my husband eventually caught on after repeatedly talking and drawing it out with crayons. Otherwise, I’d definitely be single no matter how much I love him. If abc needs to be done so I can xyz, it’s all got to be done before I can sit down and play video games with him. It’s his #1 thing he LOVES I do with him.

@Helen this is genius! Ima do that. What’s an electric scrubber?

One thing I’ve learned is that with men you have to be very specific. If you want him to do the dishes you have to ask him and also give him a specific time lol. If I just ask him to wash the dishes, he’s going to do that at his own time. Who knows when that will be, he could decide to do the dishes the next day lol. So I have to be like, can you do the dishes by the time I get back home? That way I can get started on dinner? Something like that lol. I used to get annoyed like that until I realized that men are a bit different in this, to where now I understand his point of view, and I no longer get mad or annoyed.

@courtney I’m the exact same way as you, it’s the opposite for him. Relax comes first everything else is second priority. He doesn’t see it as a big deal but to me if he does these little things when I want him to it makes MY life that much easier which makes a world of a difference and I’m just a happier wife overall. Otherwise I look at him with so much resentment and in the moment I just really hate him, it turns me off so much and he wonders why I don’t have sex with him. Intimacy starts outside the bedroom, it’s about what you can do right beyond the bedroom.

@Keilie you sound extremely considerate and understanding but my brain just doesn’t work like that I’m sorry I like things done my way without having to mention otherwise I might as well just do it myself.

it’s the irony for me. parenting is also work, if not harder work. wants to accuse you of belittling him while belittling you. wants to do the dishes on his “own time” meanwhile it directly affects your time. maybe he needs a different pov lol i hate when men act like making a little income means they’re exempt from day to day chores and child care.

That’s insane. He is the one being a dumbass and he swore at you when you called him out? And then the holding over your head that he is the one who makes money to pay bills is fucked up. He wouldn’t be able to work if you didn’t raise your child. It sounds like he wouldn’t have food to eat or a clean house if you didn’t do it. He doesn’t need understanding he needs to grow the fuck up. If he was bothered by what you said, he could’ve just said it bothered him instead of being a pos.

Abit harsh how he reacted to you tbh.. a little bit of help is always nice to have and him being at home wouldn’t of hurt him to get of his ass an help ya.. i think its somtimes a mans thing they lik to be more chilled somtimes mines the same sits there on his phone i could be on my feet from the time he gets home from work to bedtime an he wouldn’t tell me to sit down or he will help out!! Make him do his own dinner u concentrate on your self and little one and make him see to himself if hes goin to treat an speak to u like that xxxx

Ps somtimes men think us women / mothers have to do everything sorry but it dont work like that!! Being a full hands on mum is a job alone x hope ur ok

I think the problem here is he hasn't met your expectation of what he should have done. Do you think saying to him could you help sort out the kitchen so I can get on with the dinner might have lead to a better outcome?

He’s definitely out of line for calling you that and regardless of how you may have come across, there’s no excuse for it, but you’re also wrong for assuming he’d do anything without giving him instructions to and also wrong in your delivery. Yes it’s annoying and to us it’s obvious and should go without saying but like someone stated above, men can be clueless and don’t think the same way we do. I’ve learned any time I need something specific, I need to spell it out. Otherwise it leads to it not getting done, me getting offended and saying something not so nice, when in reality, i can’t expect other people to be in tune with everything like I am. Although it would be nice 😒

Tell him to pay for childcare and househelp so you can also contribute to the house and relax afterwards. See how that convo goes

Nah! Absolute waste of space my husband would be chucked out on his arse if he said that to me. He’s an adult and unfortunately being an adult and a dad come with responsibilities that mean you can’t just ‘relax’ whenever you fancy it and that’s that!

No excuse for him to name call, but you were extremely passive aggressive so it’s not surprising that he got defensive. You could have sat down with him and shared your needs constructively and beat him to the punch by validating his need to relax after a day of work before he even had to say so himself. He likely would have heard your need, felt understood, and then would have made a change in his behavior. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and he can home to a messy house after you parented all day to find you sitting on your phone scrolling, and his first words to you were “what exactly did you do all day?” You’d be fuming! If instead he said “Hey, I know you do a lot for our family and that being with the kids all day must be exhausting. I’m sure you may be decompressing with your phone, and that’s totally fine. At the same time, it stresses me out to come home to a messy house. Could you be more proactive at picking up and then I can relieve you when I get home?”

The only person in this situation that’s a cunt is your fella for treating you that way I’d have been raging and told him where to go

Didn’t even read the rest. Absolutely not. If my husband called me that for any reason, we’re done.

I didn’t read the entire post either but will say this -mature adults don’t name call…. Period and end of story ….The word cunt is crass it’s not a term that can be used within any and every environment. For me its use is never warranted, it’s just not a term that I use as it’s quite harsh and would be offensive to the vast majority of people when directed their way. It’s unfortunate I think that anyone would resort to referring to another human being in this way and I’m sorry that you had hear that term directed at you

If my man ever called me a cunt, no matter the reason, i'm out

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Hmm. I don’t think it’s fair at all for him to call you a cunt but if it was the other way around and my husband asked me what I’d been doing all day I would be upset. I work from home and sometimes don’t do the dishes until we go into the kitchen to cook dinner together and my husband doesn’t have a go at me about it. Instead I would have come in and said he can we make a plan for the evening. We need to put baby to bed, do dishes and make dinner. How shall we divide and conquer?

I went thru a very similar situation recently. Sounds like a man child. If you have to give details on what needs to be done around the house that's a child. Any adult who has lived on their own knows the house needs to be catered too. Being there financially is such bare minimum. And the name calling on top of that. Yeah get you a man, this one got some growing up to do.

This is crazy

@Helen thank you so much!!! I am ordering this

Your partner should never call you names no matter what. “What have you been doing all day?” sounds accusatory so I think you could have used different words to communicate that wouldn’t make him feel defensive, but again, nothing justifies him calling you names OR attacking you! I could see me and my husband in this situation so if it were me, I’d start by saying “hey would you mind doing the dishes and I’ll get started on dinner once you’re done?” Then I’m emphasizing working together as a team to split the responsibilities and no one feels like they need to defend themselves. Next, I’d ask about his day to see if he was having a stressful time at work which would explain his need to relax. If he just had a normal day, I’d say something like “I felt a bit annoyed today when I came home and the dishes weren’t done and there was a mess. Next time, can you tidy up a bit before starting your video games so I can make dinner right when I get home?”

But communication strategies aside, the main takeaway to me is that he was being an asshole to you and that’s not okay. I think you should talk to him about his behavior and definitely don’t tolerate being treated like that ever again.