How far does your "duty" to do the right thing go?

Well right now you have information that can destroy a lot of people’s worlds, yet simultaneously save a lot of innocent children. How do your parents or siblings feel about what he did, and the fact he has a daughter and his wife works in a daycare? Are they turning a blind eye? Are they as angry as you are? If you have no one that will back you up in this you’re going to be labeled a liar and cause a war in the family. They will probably want proof to prove you aren’t lying. If someone, anyone, is willing to have your back and you’re ready to relive that trauma I would say something.

Tricky ngl .

I mean you can report it to the police . they don't necessarily address him I believe and at least it is logged in the system (anonymously if you prefer) just in case if something does happen in the future... then at least you've contributed to the case in some kind of way.

@Alyson my siblings and parents are always 100% in support of me. They're mostly upset that he has a daughter. But all of us have a strained relationship with my dad's siblings because they get along well with my brother. He's done other crappy things that they just don't believe my parents about.

@Cher 🧖🏾‍♀️🏋🏿‍♀️🎧 that's true but would they even listen. It's been 18 years

This is a poem but I think it’s worth a listen. Ultimately it is your decision. But what he does is never your fault. You are allowed to stay silent if you want https://youtu.be/yuE-D9wx-jU?si=9zIGxdeiz9lpYFFF

I can relate to this; it did not work out. The person didn't even deny it - they deflected and made up a lie so that I'd have to defend myself and be asked to retell the trauma over and over. I still said something, though, because if something did happen, NO one could act shocked. Weigh it out realistically and decide for yourself if you can handle any more hurt and disrespect regarding this because there are other ways you can report i believe.

Yep they do . They have to log it regardless of they don't care or believe you .

@Haley thank you I appreciate that

@Lauren it's hard to know where to even start. Who should I even speak to or go to. In a lot of ways I feel sorry for his wife and wish she could know. But I know she wouldn't believe me. She's one of the people who told my relative I was a liar and not to go near me. They have essentially tried to lay the groundwork for me to never say anything. Mostly I feel bad for their daughter.

Oh and he lives less than a 10 minute drive from me. So unfortunately I've seen him in public several times even though the last time my family interacted with him was when I was 10. Every time I see him I want to throw up. I try not to think about it too much

Well ppl do have a right to know about crimes especially crimes against children & it did happen to you when you were a child. What they do with that information is up to them. Honestly, I think you should disown him and move away. It’s not worth your mental health having to be around a sick person like that. I’m so sorry that happened to you.

@Sharaya my parents asked if I wanted them to report it or different things (counseling etc). At the time I said no because I was 14 when I told them and felt a lot of fear and shame. I told them I didn't want anyone outside of my family to know. He is 8 years older than me. The last time it happened was right after I turned 10 and he turned 18 a month later so technically the entire time he was a minor. Just a much older minor. It's strange cause in my brain he was like an adult but he was a teenager. I don't know if him being a minor as well would change anything.

Sexual abuse of any kind is NOT okay! It may be really difficult for you to re live your awful experiences, and I’m so sorry you went through it. Someone like your brother will NOT change and the chances are that he will continue is extremely high. If you have the strength to report it then please do. You could potentially save your niece from living the same experiences as you or any other child around him. Reach out to your family and get the support. Doesn’t matter how long it’s been, it’s normal for survivors of sexual abuse to report it years later (although depends what country at least there is no time limit in the UK) You’ve got this! Giving you all the strength! Please drop me a message for virtual support if you need it!

I would want to know if my baby was hanging around a child whose parent had done something like this. If you decide not to say anything though know that his actions aren't on you. Repeat the mantra: I am not the cause of someone else's action. I only control my actions.

I don’t know. It’s tough. I was sexually assaulted by a friend’s grandfather and immediately told. She stopped talking to me but he went to prison and eventually the family found out he had been doing it to other family members. So I saved them even though it created a lot of drama in my life at the time and I lost a friend. The girl came back to apologize to me like a decade later. It’s a lot more contentious when it’s your own family. I feel for you. That’s a tough position to be in.