I can't anymore

I was never prepared to become a mother I never prepared myself. I never took good care of myself and now it's even worse and I am the worst mom ever. I have yelled at my 4 year old multiple times before. Today it happened I apologized and later in the night ended up doing it again. I know I'm losing her trust and I don't want her to be scared of me. I feel like she would be better without me at this point. In the back of my mind I think I should just end myself, she'd probably be happier without me. I'm only hurting her feelings, not in control, or structured, I don't feel like we have a good relationship and it's all my fault from the very beginning. Like the damage has already been done and is it even possible to fix it, can I even do it I have nothing together for myself and barely any energy. I'm not sleeping. At the same time I worry if something were to happen to me and I didn't have the opportunity to change is that all she would remember are those moments. I just don't feel emotionally, mentally strong enough I know she feels it too and that's what hurts the most. I brought her into the world, but she deserved better. I wish I could go back to when she was a baby and redo everything. I want to give up

Show your support

Mama, the fact that you can take accountability means so much more than you know. It’s never too late, you just need to take it day by day. You will not fail her or yourself. If you need someone to speak to please do not hesitate to reach out to me. Becoming a parent exposed so many qualities & traits we need to work on. How lucky we are to be shown that we are forever growing and we just have to show up for ourselves and do the work. It’s not easy at all and we may fall back sometimes but trying everyday is one step closer to never being close to where we once were. Sending so much love to you

Can you talk to someone ? Take a break from being the primary caregiver all the time ? It can be too much for anyone. A mini breather multiple times during the day can help regulate your own feelings allowing one to be more intentionally present. Albeit with a toddler. Do try, all the best.

Give yourself grace. This is the hardest job we will ever have. Nowadays, we are so mentally aware of things it may also work against us too. Like she said above, it is never too late to repair. I have been there countless times momma. You are not alone in this.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this babe 🩷 being a mama is the hardest job in the world. You’re not a bad mother you’re a human being, and entitled to make mistakes. Regardless of how you may feel you’re that little ones world. Please consider talking to someone about your struggles whether that’s a professional or just someone close by. Even im happy to lend an ear if you needed someone. These things happen. There isn’t a mother who hasn’t felt or acted like this. So you’re not alone. The important thing is that you’re recognising it and apologising to your baby. You’re teaching her how to acknowledge when we’ve done wrong, and apologise for it. She may not understand it completely now, but you’re building beautiful foundations for the person she’ll be in the future. Please lean on your support bubble and don’t suffer in silence. If you want your relationship to improve you have to want to feel better yourself and address your problems. Sending all my love and support to you.

Wow.. reading this was almost like reading my exact thoughts from when I was a new mum for the first time to my daughter. I didn’t feel like I could parent. I even considered giving her up for adoption. I’m glad I didn’t. And it’s not too late, I promise you. My daughter is 11 now and remembers none of it. We have the best relationship and as she grew older I was able to explain things to her and she understood. Recognizing it is the first step to becoming better. In all honestly it wasn’t until she started school that I was able to feel better because I finally had some time to myself and some space from her. I promise it’s going to get better. I didn’t believe my dad when he used to tell me that, but he was right 🤍🫶🏽

You still have time to amend this and better yourself for YOU and her. Look for help.

There's always time to make changes but I know you're a good mother because you're self aware and care when you don't parent in the way you'd like. Your child needs you and noone can replace you. Please seek some professional help for your mood and are there any friends you could talk to about how you are feeling/could you join any local mum groups? You can do this. Remember you need to look after yourself so you can look after your child so be kind to yourself

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