am i being unreasonable?

As you knew he was actively ignoring her and you had to tell him to get up, it may have been best to get up yourself to sort her out. While his mental health is not great and you know he takes it out on your daughter, the safest and best thing to do would be to take over the weekends too for now. It’s not ideal but probably the best way at the moment while he deals with his mental health.

@Mama A any other weekend i would have but ive been ill since wednesday and all i wanted was at least one night where i could sleep since ive still been waking up with her while also waking up in the night to be sick and not being able to sleep due to medication, so i was literally just hoping for one night of sleep and he knew this and still didn't help me, id understand if it was just this once but this has been happening since baby was born

Honestly I’m in the exact same position as you, I understand how hard it is trying to walk the line of setting a boundary but also being supportive while they are struggling. I’ve insisted my other half get help or I’m leaving, I’m currently doing everything night feeds/day time literally everything whilst he’s struggling. I’ve said he needs a care plan in place and he needs to be actively participating in his mental health recovery otherwise I’m choosing to put our baby first and leave. But honestly they have to help themselves, there is only so much we can do to help. I’m here to talk if you need💗

@Jessica thank you! it's so hard, like i know he's struggling and im trying to help him as much as i can but im also on antidepressants and there's only so much i can take too, and i feel like hes just making my mental health even worse by being like this and i just don't know what to do or how to approach him anymore

@Mama A blaming another mom doesn’t make you look good, at all. She’s taking all of the load, is it wrong to have her husband help out too? Shame on you

I would see how things are after his appointment on Thursday. If he comes back from it feeling positive & like he wants to get help, then that is a good thing & I would persevere with him. But if he comes back negative & says that he's not getting any more help, then I would threaten him with leaving him & hopefully that would give him the kick up the backside he needs.

The best thing is to do it yourself while he works on his mental health I’ve dealt with this as well but it’s never been directly at the baby just frustrated. My fiancé is bipolar. I completely agree with @Rachel wait it out for his appointment if he’s trying to get help and wants it great if not and he just stays the way he is then there is nothing you can do. Good luck momma I hope it gets better for you💜

I would also like to add see what his triggers are notice them and try to step in BEFORE he gets angry or just be up to support him if he starts getting frustrated. That’s the only way we got through these phases, it’s a little easier because my fiancé works overnights but in the beginning everyone was exhausted just try being the support for both just for a little bit. The men can struggle as much if not more than women we are built to take care of our child some need more time to adjust. It’s a major life changer just take a big deep breath and everything will be okay🫶 Please message me if you need to talk, rant, or just want to chat

@Sika definitely wasn’t blaming her. Just suggested it may be best to take over when he takes his anger and frustration out on the baby. It’s more to protect the baby from that than anything else.

You and your daughter don’t deserve to be yelled at and treated like that, he’s a bad father and partner. He’s frustrated because he is not emotionally articulate and able to even acknowledge wtf he’s feeling, a lot of men are like this and take it out on those around them, including their kids and wives/gfs. I understand being stressed the fuck out, but my fiance and I would never yell at our daughter, I would consider that abuse to some degree tbh. He needs to learn to manage his anger, I know children who better articulate their feelings than your partner. I would say be safe and leave if you feel it’s only going to get worse, and do not announce that you’re leaving if you plan on it, he could become violent.

Another thing, you shouldn’t be ok with his anger being directed at you, he clearly shown he’s negligent and expects you to do all the child rearing, sounds to me you’d be better off without him since he’s useless and a shitty partner.

I really cannot stress this enough, but I’m concerned for you and your daughter’s safety just based off this post. He is selfish, abusive and doesn’t appreciate your labor, he yells at y’all’s baby?? What kind of parent treats their kid like that, when I’m frustrated or overwhelmed with my daughter, I set her done somewhere safe and make sure she has what she needs, and I take five to ten mins to cool off. Children feed off our energy, I can’t imagine how stressed you and your baby are because of your partners behavior. I wouldn’t ever accept this behavior from my fiancé, he is very level headed and patient, more so than me actually. Again, this man is abusive and negligent and it’s very unlikely he’s going to change, men like this rarely take the initiative to seek help and support for their issues, and expect the women in their lives to put up with it and coddle them. My DMs are open if you need to chat or some form of support, or a plan to leave with your baby if you’re able to.

Sorry but even when I’ve been awake for hours and hours in the night with my little one screaming and not sleeping I would never dream of shouting at them. If I need a minute I place them down in the cot and take a minute outside to breathe and just remind myself that it isn’t their fault they just need their mama or dada as it’s all they know! He needs to realise how wrong it is and it can cause trauma even happening when they’re so young; they may not “remember” it but it can change the way they are. If he cares he will go to that doctors appointment and take it seriously, and listen to you when you tell him you’re leaving if it continues. Don’t let him direct his anger towards you either, he needs to learn a different outlet. It’s one of the things that happens when you’ve got a baby of course they’re going to cry and wake up and need you, he needs to realise that.