in Sex and Relationships with Railey Molinario

Talking to ex?

As somebody who doesn't have exes because my husband is my first and only one, I have questions. My husband had two girlfriends before me, the first one who was more like a friend, they didn't have sex or anything. For the second one he fell really hard he told me and even though they were together for only 5 months he was extremely hurt by her behavior and by the breakup in the end. He told me that she was always manipulating him, was always trying to make him jealous, was often lying until one time she actually cheated. He said that when he was trying to break up with her she was telling him that she was pregnant from him etc. and later on he found out it was a lie so basically apparently she was a big mess, according to my husband's words. Once, he told me, by the way, that one time she was standing right in front of me when we were sitting in the bus together and he didn't tell me or start talking to her because it would hurt me. Obviously I asked him, so that's the only reason? Not that you didn't WANT to talk but that it would hurt me? And he told me, yes, it's awkward seeing your ex and not talk to them, its like you're supposed to talk, no? He was trying to explain to me that he really doesn't have feelings for her anymore but then said that he does want to know how she is doing because they kind of knee each other etc. Then I told him it doesn't make sense to me, if you've broken up, that's it, you shouldn't care about her and he told me, but he still feels guilty because he treated her bad and took her virginity etc. Anyway, it makes me feel so weird and jealous and I actually CANT imagine having the urge to talk to someone I have broken up with but I can't tell because I don't have exes. It just feels like he still thinks about her secretly and does wish to talk to her and catch up and the fact that she is super pretty doesn't make it any better😭 Would you want to talk to your ex if you're happily married and met them on the street?🤔

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I would definitely say hi and ask how they are. My husband and I have ran into his ex’s before and we say hi 🤷🏼‍♀️

I would absolutely say hi to my exes if I saw them on the street. I wish them well but it doesn’t mean anything deeper than that. These are people who were part of our lives intimately at some point or another it would seem more weird and awkward not to say hi unless it ended really poorly and I was actively avoiding them.

You aren’t wrong for how you see things. It really just depends on the relationship. If it ended bad or the guy was a piece of shit to me, I wouldn’t care at all to know anything about him after break up, good riddance. It’s strange that he saw her on the bus but she didn’t see him… I dated a guy once who saw his ex and purposely walked the opposite direction to avoid speaking to her or her to see him. I personally think keep whatever happened in the past in the past, especially intimate relationships. To answer your question, I would not want to talk to an ex if I’m happily married and met them on the street. I just don’t see the point at all.

He’s not going out of his way to find her or contact her. I think it’s okay to have a quick chat if you run into an ex and I also think it’s natural to get awkward and avoid them altogether, especially if you’re with your current partner Would I like if my partner ran into an ex and had a chat? No. But not because anything they did was wrong. I would just be jealous little me lol which again- also natural. But it’s not their fault.

I'm sorry, but you ARE overreacting here! If I saw my ex out and about, I'd definitely say hello, and my fiance would do the same, as we're not arseholes, we're mature adults who understand that people have pasts! In fact, I speak to my ex on a fairly regular basis because we have kids. To expect him to not care about his ex is crazy, would you honestly rather he hated her? That's horrible. I don't hate my exes and my fiance doesn't hate his, far from it. They were once a part of our lives and have played a part in the people we are today. You need to grow up.

Yes I would. I’ve got only one ex, we were together for 4yrs. Sure I’ve had other “flings” but I don’t consider any flings exes. My ex, was at our wedding- we had the same friend group and I couldn’t invite all our friends without inviting him, as I’d met them through him. He was there, Hubby and my ex had a heart to heart (tipsy 😵‍💫) in the men’s toilets. He still follows me on SM, watches my reels and stories but doesn’t react to any of them I just know he’s seen them as his name pops up under who’s seen it. I msg him Happy birthday every year and that’s it. Hubby knows I have a soft spot for my ex and he’s okay w that because I’m with HIM now and I love HIM and have devoted my life and vows to HIM. So yes I would stop and say hello in a heartbeat. That doesn’t mean I want to go BACK to him though. What’s past has past, he’s my ex for a reason. I will always love him. He’s never treated me bad, we broke up on good terms. But I love my husband, more. He understands that.

@Rebecca Hi, I am taking your massage but not the last rude part. I hope it was clear to you from my post that I don't have any exes so can't tell and I felt jealous about my husband wanting to chat with his ex which to me is not relatable obviously. I didn't overreact. My husband told me, well you don't know how you would be if you had an ex so I posted this to get another few opinions

@Kellie Thanks, I understand I think❤️ it's just so hard for me, I never even had flings or anything and my husband had this one really serious relationship that he still carries in his heart as he says and she just looks super gorgeous, nice and I feel like I am such a downgrade from all the girls he had😭 had I not looked up his past girls I felt more confident in myself right now. But I just couldn't help it!

Try not to feel that way hun. They may have been pretty, but you have something they don’t. That’s why he chose you, that’s why he’s still with you. Focus on that Xx

@Kellie thank you🥲

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