Advice please

Me and my partner have quite a rocky relationship, his kids cause quite a few issues and arguments between us which cause me to leave the house with our one year old when his kids are staying out of embarrassment because I know they’re going to go back and tell their mum what’s happened and I’m just genuinely mortified of how he’s spoken to me in front of them. I’m also 38 weeks pregnant so could pop at any moment, last night he spoke so awfully to me in front of his kids so I ended up going upstairs to have a cry and went to bed until the morning so I could take my son to my mums in the morning. I attempted to speak to him this morning to try and clear the air and have a nice weekend but he approached me with “what do you want” and just a general attitude so I thought no I’m not even having a conversation to try and sort this because you’re still disrespecting me and he knows how emotionally fragile I am especially around this time in my pregnancy. So I got up got our 1 year old ready packed the car and left. Since then I’ve had loads of abusive messages saying he’s seen my true colours I’ve left again etc failing to acknowledge that I feel too awkward, embarrassed and unsupported to be in my own home. As it stands, if I went into labour right now I don’t want him at the birth, I don’t want him anywhere near me, he’s even stated in the messages the less talking between us the better and I’m not worth a conversation. Will I regret it? Am i being selfish of my future child of not having their dad at their birth or is it for the best to protect my peace and anxiety? For better understanding, with our first I suffered post partum depression and he made it even worse. (I go to my mums as she supports me emotionally and he never has, even through this whole pregnancy I’ve been throwing up constantly on iron tablets and he’s never covered one night wake up with our 1 year old that wakes up 2x a night which is down a flight of stairs)

Show your support

I say don’t have him at the birth. You need as much oxytocin as you can get to have the healthiest birth you can. Therefor having someone that makes you anxious in the room is a bad idea. Although I think you should explain the above in advance - give him every chance to change. The baby won’t remember so it’s just a question of what will help you have the best labor. I feel for you! Xxx

Just playing devils advocate - what causes him to always speak so badly to you when his kids are there? (Is it only when his kids are there?) For example do you not like the kids so you’re behaving in a certain manner and he picks up on it? The way he’s treating you is out of line especially when you’re that heavily pregnant and hormonal. I’m just wondering what’s the cause is all.

@Hollie it’s as if he feels like he’s got an audience and almost back up because his two minions are there (both girls) so for me it always feels like I’m getting teamed up against. No not always just when they’re there but it’s most of the time he gets brave when they’re there! But he kicks off any time I don’t agree with him or my thinking is different to his 🙄😢

Honestly he sounds like an abusive knob and you shouldn't waste anymore of your time with him, that's just my opinion though. If you can, stay with your mum for the time being until you decide what you want to do moving forward. As for the birth, I think only you can decide what you want, if all his presence is going to do is cause you anxiety, why put yourself through it? I hope you're OK and being kind to yourself x

I personally wouldn’t stay with a man that was like this as I want my children to grow up seeing healthy relationships so that they too go on to have them, so I think you are right in taking your child out that situation when tension is high but if I’m honest I would take them out of that situation permanently, set some boundaries and reach an agreement to coparent because he sounds awful x

Sounds like you know the answer to your question already and that you just need to be brave enough to take those steps. Hugs. Always happy to listen if you need a chat xx

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