Husband left me two days ago

I have 2 under 2. My daughter is 21 months and my son is 11 weeks. My husband and I have had increased arguments since having my son. My postpartum emotions are largely to blame. My husband has been supportive and he has loved me through our marriage. He has been a good father to our kids. He has issues with being transparent in the marriage. He has a consistent history of lying, he stays out very very late often usually with his guy friends who are bachelors. I struggle with trust with him. And I have had anger and resentment toward him for being away so often during a difficult pregnancy and postpartum. However, I am baffled that he has somehow flipped a switch and it’s as if he love for me has been turned off. He apologized for “not being able to fulfill his vows to me” and he decided to leave. He’s been staying at his mother’s. I keep thinking about the very real possibility that he will be filing for divorce and ripping the family apart. The thought of losing time with my babies or having to send them to another home for part of the time breaks my heart for me and for them. Nothing is more important to me than them. I love my husband and my mind is blown that he gave up on me during this time. I thought we had the real thing. I truly believed until death do us part. And I trusted that we could make it through challenges and arguments and come out better for it. I’ve been sick. Struggling to sleeep. And obviously having my hands full without any help from him right now.

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I’m sorry this is happening to you. I don’t have any advice or words of wisdom. I’ve never gone through anything similar. But I do know that regardless of how things work out, your kids will grow up and be just fine. The worry you have for their happiness already shows me that even in the worst case scenario, you will be there loving them. And taking care of them. Even if you’re tired, sick and sad. So even tho you have worry for them, I don’t. I think they’ll adjust to whatever and be fine. If I were in the situation, I honestly would focus on everything but him. Take care of your kids, yourself, your house. Go see your family and friends. Just BE without him. Take this opportunity to see how life is without him. And keep going. He’s doing the same thing right now. So let him figure it out too. And when you’re both ready, get together and hash things out. But you need to be ready for that conversation and I feel like you might not be if you spent the entire time worrying. Good luck.❤️

i am very sorry to hear that and feel for you deeply. sometimes people need time apart to realize that they are better together. i know that is super inconvenient having children. i am not going through the same exact thing but something similar. my baby daddy and i were actually breaking up and not doing well at all - then we found out i was 4 months pregnant. so we almost are with each other at this point just for the baby and we really don’t get along a lot. i had horrible PPD and i didn’t feel like he was there for me at all. i can’t help but think where i would be right now if i never got pregnant which also makes me feel guilty because i love my baby. hang in there. it won’t be like this forever. things will get easier even if it will take time. just fully invest in yourself and the love you have for your babes. you sound like a great momma and it is totally his loss.

I had a similar situation after only one baby. My husband finally explained told me after he gathered his thoughts and feelings and basically said he didn’t feel loved by me anymore. No one ever really talks about or puts enough emphasis on how much of a strain babies put on your relationship. We get lost in baby world and forget about our partners. It’s a normal thing and I had to explain to my husband that what we were going through was a normal part of the process and we just have to work through it. After all that, I made a conscious effort to make more time for us and for him. Maybe do something special for your husband to bring back that spark again. Plan a date night and make it all about him. Don’t talk about the baby, just get lost in each other like how it was before the babies. Hope this all makes sense and helps! Rooting for y’all!

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