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Personally... I don't get it. The only way it would make sense if it was about her bday or Christmas/Easter.. things like that if you celebrate, then I would understand why he would want you to wait. My bf and I have his kids at our house 85% of the time or more so we have them for most occasions, sometimes our child has to wait to celebrate things but usually only half a day as that's how holidays should be split. And I do feel as though we are still a family when his kids are visiting with their mom and we still do things without them... You can't be expected to sit around and wait and do nothing until she gets there..
Although I get his point of view to an extent, he shouldn’t stop celebrating anything just because his daughter isn’t there. Yes we always want our step kids to be apart of anything but sometimes schedules just don’t always work out in a way we can include them and that’s not our fault and our kids and we shouldn’t be punished for it. That’s something I’m always so scared about happening (although hasn’t yet) bc I do have a daughter of my own and I can’t stop living our life if my step sons mom doesn’t let them be apart of certain occasions or if we don’t have them on days. Thankfully my fiancée hasn’t allowed that to happen but we do two celebrations and if an occasion that I might not care and can push it off till the boys are home then I will. Maybe you should have a conversation with him to see where or why he thinks it’s not fair and explain to him in a respectful way that your lives shouldn’t stop just because his daughter isn’t apart of it. Doesn’t mean you don’t want her there
I feel he needs to be more understanding! My partner and I agree that we can still do things without step kids. As long as we feel we have given them some special days and trips as well. I completely understand your perspective!! I agree with you it would be supper annoying and feel like he’s valuing SD over the rest of the family. Like your birthday really??!!? He’s taking it way too far!
@Taylor right and bm would agree to let us have sd so she can be apart of a trip then last min back out then guess what we all do nothing . I think it comes down to bm wanting control but at the same time it’s like if we had plans and they switch up I don’t feel like we all should cancel our plans unless it was some type of emergency and not just bm saying she doesn’t feel the need to allow sd to come over
@Liv yes we’ve been doing two of some holidays to try and compromise because there’s no way that I would let my daughter not have Christmas memories and just have her wait on her half sister. Which we’re also supposed to switch off every year but husband doesn’t think it’s fair that she misses out on time with her mom (which I respect) but then expects us to pause everything until she comes over
@Becca yes it’s hard trying to explain all these things because I do think they’re valid . I just have to find a way to communicate in a respectful way
@Kels🌸 yea .. he feels like if it doesn’t include or benefit sd then it’s a no go . I get where he’s coming from to an extent but it’s really hard to not feel resentful sometimes .
I feel like he needs to grow up. The world doesn’t revolve around his daughter and her mums plans. Make your own plans 100% then they can both dip out whilst you and your daughter are actually enjoying life. Don’t let his grumpiness affect you and your enjoyment. God what is it with these men. I thought my man was bad but he’s no where near as extreme as yours 😅
@Hollie I just try to be understanding and put myself in his shoes but at the same time I feel like all I can do as a step parent is try to include sd but if she doesn’t want to be here or they switch the schedule that shouldn’t dictate me plans with our daughter
I’m sorry ur having this issues. It shouldn’t be so black and white he’s being unreasonable……How old is step daughter? Also why can’t you do things without him if he’s not wanting to do it anymore bc of sd?
@Aaammgg♥️♥️♥️ she is 14. Idk I feel like he guilt trips me for her not being able to be here even though that’s not my fault or within my control . To some extent I feel like he thinks I’m being rude by trying to live my life he might think of it as moving on without step daughter
I honestly see both sides. I get wanting to keep her involved and included, but it’s also not fair to miss out on every single event if she’s not around. I would try to talk to him about why you are feeling this way, and emphasize that you want her to be included but reality may not allow that. Compromise has to come from both ends and you shouldn’t have to compromise every single time. Also, if you’re paying for the trip then he needs to chill. If is was on his dime and you went without them it’s different. You’re a rockstar, you got this!