Husband rant

No he needs to still be meeting you halfway . Children are a lot and you don’t have to accept the bare minimum. Men can also be oblivious . So be very direct and don’t beat around the bush if he can’t follow through then come up with another alternative. Another thing I believe he needs to be taking the son to daycare at least a couple times a week .

First off friend, I’m praying for a speedy recovery for you! Secondly, you don’t applaud a fish for swimming. He’s doing what he’s SUPPOSED to do as a father but the fact that you have to still pick up most of the days work with the kids literally defeats the purpose of him being a SAHD. Even though sex shouldn’t be a reward, I say when he wants it, tell him you need time to relax for yourself. It’s not fair to you at all.

@Deja 💜 I really appreciate your response. We just have a conversation as he felt my mood shift. He worded as I can take him to daycare every day. And I told him I’m okay with us taking turns but I shouldn’t be always taking him especially as there are times he can be difficult in the morning. I just want us to meet half way and parent equally enough. But sometimes talking to my friends isn’t always the best because maybe I’m not seeing things the way he is seeing things

@Milan agreed ! As a working mother did my partner isn’t picking up the slack he can forget it

He might be going through something , usually men when they lose a job and can’t provide that hurts them in a way they don’t really show it…have a heart to heart with him to try and empathize but also be firm in what you need as his wife, tell him how you feel and create a safe space for him to say what has been on his mind and heart…try not to blow up on him because then he may shut down as well

Talk a bit and Make a list together of all the “tasks” that are required to be done daily-laundry, dishes, bottles, drop off, baths, whatever. Leave the list up for a few days and make sure you’ve written it all down. Then talk about how you want to split them and who should do what.

Fair play I reccomend that book

@Julia I just bought that up to him. And he liked that idea. I think it will also help me because as you shared as parents we all get overwhelmed and it’s a lot to be done so this is really a great idea. Thank you!!

@Elizabeth I’ll look it up

@Milan I really do agree. And honestly sex has been the last thing on my mind even prior to the surgery. Just constantly tired and feel like I have no energy especially for sex

@Yasmina we have chatted. And I wanted to give him the time to figure out what he wants to do career wise next. I’ve kind of always made more money and so we have open discussion on how he feels and I let him know like sometimes not working can lead to better things

And you’re not wrong. You’re literally TIRED mentally and physically.

@Deja 💜 exactly!

I’ll be the odd one out here, feel free to ignore. My husband and I were not getting along well at all after our second. We never had time to ourselves, our first born was adjusting, and our 2nd had a broken arm at birth, lactose intolerant (ebf) and just ultra difficult. 8 months after our son was born he quit his job in early anticipation of having another but didn’t have it yet and he was the only one working. And they made him wait four months to start after two months of him begging them. He never helped when he was home… he was depressed he wasn’t providing and couldn’t do what I could for the children, so he shut down. We went about 4 months barely having relations until we both cracked and realized we needed physical to be emotional and set aside time EVERY NIGHT, no matter how tired we were. And it worked out. You might not be into it anymore because of what you’ve been through. But try. I know I didn’t feel like myself when we started again. But I did eventually. ❤️

What is he doing while you are getting ready and taking your son to daycare? Having a shower and coffee? Let him know which way daycare is and let him figure it out. If he can't, he can take care of two kids all day. 🙄 If you're working from home, load yourself up on snacks and stay in your room/office as much as possible. It actually interrupts his day with your daughter when you come out. Consider going to a nearby coworking space. Try to draw better lines for yourself around when you are working and unavailable and when you are at home, ready to put on your mom hat.

@Carolina I definitely do feel like that. I think when I became a first mom on 2022 it was such an adjustment a lot of things were happening fast. And I wasn’t able to adjust to adding all being a mom, a newly engaged woman and so forth. I definitely admit he has communicated wanting to be intimate and wanting to connect but I think it’s hard trying to be me again. But also at this time we couldn’t be physically intimate and we have tried other options like date night and just trying to reconnect. It doesn’t always work but we try and carve out time especially because we don’t always have someone to watch our little ones

@Bonny I think that’s the problem right now we don’t have a space for me to separate work and life. He knows where our son’s daycare is. Usually he is sleeping in morning because he generally sleeps late because he has always worked an overnight job so he just never adjusted to a normal sleep schedule for someone not working at night. I usually do feel bad because when I’m tired he lets me sleep and will keep the kids busy. I just think because there is so much going on that I just feel overwhelmed. I have talked to him as someone did suggest writing down everything task related and just communicating what and who can support and rotate through the week. I would prefer that then me and him both thinking we are doing more than the other or not feeling supported

We tried too! But it wasn’t happening until I made it fit into the schedule. It wasn’t as if I didn’t want to - I just prioritized everything over it without realizing its and his importance. Was it fair to me that I lost an hour of important sleep to keep our relationship alive? Nah probably not 😂 But I will say, unfortunately, sexual relations to a man is way more important than it is to a woman. They’re more primal 😂 I know you’re not able to do the deed due to health issues, but try dedicating a night to him maybe? Even if he doesn’t deserve it 😂 Good luck ❤️